How Can I Get My Husband To Communicate With Me: How To Communicate With Husband Who Will Not

How Can I Get My Husband To Communicate With Me: How To Communicate With Husband Who Will Not

Many couples get into a dysfunctional pattern of conflict escalation and withdrawal as they attempt to discuss the problems and issues in their life. Each unsuccessful attempt to solve the identified problem sets the tone for the next time that they attempt to resolve the issue. Unresolved issues tend to be self-perpetuating and can persist over decades. A common pattern is where a couple identifies some relationship issue or problem to discuss and starts talking. They begin to get upset, bring out the dirty fight tactics, and the argument is "on". They eventually de-escalate (after having said hateful things to each other) with one leaving the scene, and the other furious over the partner's refusal to stay and "fight". The next time they are discussing some conflict, even an innocuous subject, the old unresolved issue comes back with a vengeance, and they pick up where they left off. It's like putting a comma in the discussion when they withdraw to de-escalate. Subsequent arguments involve returning to the comma to resume the same old ten year old argument. Nothing really gets resolved.

It is possible however, to actually resolve the issues that separate you. To do so, you have to develop an emotional environment that feels "safe" to both parties. A safe environment is one that keeps the emotions at a manageable level. It is not possible to problem solve when your adrenaline and compulsion to be understood overwhelms your ability to listen. Defenses take over and neither party is able to "hear" what the other person is saying. Problem solving involves a give and take proposition, where each person feels safe to share their perception and feelings, and to know that they have been heard. It may take some time and some practice to replace old dysfunctional communication patterns, but it can be done by using good communication behaviors such as "I" messages vs. "You" messages, using a basic problem solving model, and de-escalating the discussion as needed. A basic problem solving model (Steps to Fair

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Fighting) are discussed in my other articles. Many couples find that they have been looking at each other through "angry colored glasses" for such a long time, that they have to make several attempts using fair fight tactics to resolve even the simplest of conflicts, and with the help of de-escalation techniques, they are eventually able to be successful. Below is a list of de-escalation techniques that many couples find helpful.

l. Stick to one problem at a time.

2. Return to the problem that has been identified.

3. Use well placed "I" statements in stead of "You" statements.

4. Remind yourself of the goal of the conversation - do you want to solve a problem? Ask yourself if your communication behavior is conducive to solving a problem? If not, re-group and change tactics to accomplish your goal.

5. Seek to understand your spouse's point of view rather than compulsively explaining your own.

6. Agree to disagree on the details. Any two people will view the same events differently, so they will often not agree on how something happened, what was said, etc. It is not necessary to agree on how an issue or problem came about, in order to solve it.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

7. Monitor your physiological responses. Relax your body. Take some breaths.

8. Make sure that what you heard was what s/he said. Use reflective listening with "what I hear you saying is...."

9. Control your own responses regardless of what your spouse is doing. You don't have to say everything you think or feel in the moment. If it is not helpful to problem solving, don't say it.

10. Appropriate use of humor can de-escalate a discussion. If you typically use humor to distract to keep from dealing with conflicts, don't use it for de-escalation. It can have the opposite effect.

11. Take a time out, with an agreed-upon time back in. If you have a history of leaving the scene of the argument and never getting back to problem solving, a "time-out" will typically be viewed as more of the same unless you have an agreed upon time back in and follow through with it.

Pay Close Attention Here-

Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were - in love, committed and excited about the future - within a few days guaranteed. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here

Healthy marriages require time, attention, energy, and vigilance. It's not realistic to think that you can have a super marriage without effort on your part.

It pays to be observant, to ask questions when you don't understand something, and to notice changes in behavior, tone of voice, and attitude. Communication experts have found that only seven percent of our communication is verbal, while the other ninety-three percent depends on body language and tone of voice. Thus, it only makes good sense to pay attention to much more than just the actual words a spouse says.

There are ten danger signals that can help you to head off trouble in your marriage before problems become more serious. Pay attention when:

1. Your spouse acts upset but says "Nothing's wrong" when you ask, yet you're sure there's more to it. Trust your intuition about this. Females in particular are prone to say "Nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" This often indicates that there is something they need to say, but they don't feel comfortable saying it. Work on creating a safe environment for the sharing of mutual concerns.

2. You ask your spouse about something and get a listless, barely audible "Okay, that's fine," but the tone doesn't sound sincere. This response is similar to number one. What's usually obvious from the tone of voice and other non-verbal communication is that most assuredly something is wrong. Everything is not fine. And if that "something" doesn't come out into the open where it can be resolved, it will pop up later and cause difficulties.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

3. Your spouse is unusually anxious or agitated when you walk in unexpectedly while he or she is on the computer. It may just be a coincidence, but it could also be that your partner is involved in doing something that he or she doesn't want you to see. To know if it's nothing or if something is brewing will take observation over a period of time. Becoming involved with someone online isn't harmless, as some spouses will claim. It robs a marriage of commitment and focused energy, plus it can lead to an affair in real time.

4. You observe that your spouse is being secretive about cell phone calls or text messages. Sometimes spouses will find a partner hiding in the closet or locked in the bathroom talking on the cell phone. This is certainly something to pay attention to, but don't jump to conclusions. Just observe for awhile. Sometime there's a rational explanation such as a spouse who is making secret calls to set up a surprise birthday party for the partner. But if that's not the case, the secret calls could be a signal that your marriage is in danger.

5. Your spouse has a significant change in moods, enjoyment of life, socialization patterns, or grooming/appearance. A spouse can become depressed and sometimes the partner doesn't put the clues together to realize what's happening. The spouse who is feeling depressed may experience changes in sleep patterns, eating, appearance, and hygiene. There may also be uncharacteristic isolation from friends and family, as well as crying spells or loss of interest in things that used to bring pleasure. If this happens, it's time to consult with your spouse's physician.

6. You realize that your spouse is developing a pattern of trying to avoid going to bed at the same time you do and sleeping in the same bed with you. Numerous wives have shared in counseling that they deliberately stay up later than their husbands to avoid sex. Or they say that a child won't go to sleep unless they lie down with them. Often, then, the parent ends up going to sleep in the child's room, giving the excuse that they didn't want to wake the partner or that they fell asleep without meaning to. The warning sign comes when this turns into a nightly pattern, not an occasional occurrence.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

7. You realize that you don't know who your spouse really is any more. This is certainly a wake-up call that it's time to make your marriage a top priority. You'll want to spend extra time together talking and sharing from the heart. One common lament marriage counselors hear is, "He (or she) doesn't really know me. I'm just a paycheck to her (or just someone who keeps the house clean and takes care of the kids). Take the time to find out what your spouse is really thinking and feeling.

8. Your relationship feels stale and dull. If this stage continues, both you and your spouse could be more susceptible to the lure of an affair. Deliberately schedule plans to do new things and go new places, and of course, look at how you could spice up your sex life with your partner. Do you need to trade off babysitting time with a friend so you can leave the kids and take a weekend trip with your spouse? Or let the friend keep the kids while you and your partner stay home alone?

9. You find yourself co-existing in the same house with your spouse but never really connecting. When this happens, it's time to schedule a time each day to sit, talk, share feelings, hold hands, hug, and reconnect. You can't afford to lose your feeling of closeness and bonding with your partner. Cut back on extra activities and immediately make your marriage your priority. Without emotional intimacy, your marriage will lose its momentum and passion.

10. You realize your sense of fun and joy has been replaced by resignation and complacency. It's time to shake things up. Have you gotten in a rut? Turn things upside down and put some variety in your marriage. Maybe it's time for those dance lessons your wife has been begging you to take with her. Or maybe it's time to go on that camping trip your husband has been talking about for months. Whatever you do, don't just sit there-plan something fun!

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

Save your marriage now and visit Save The Marriage

Can You Save Your Marriage Alone?

Last week we talked about how avoiding meaningful conversations with your spouse can hinder your marriage in many ways. This week we will be learning ways of fixing some of the obvious problems that have been created by you or your spouse.

As I mentioned in last week's article, I had been driving in the rain thinking about my marital situation. When I arrived at the parking lot, the rain was coming down in sheets. As I sat in my truck, I stared across the parking lot watching the heavy rain fall along with the orange, red and yellow oak leaves. It was at that point that I realized how much I really missed my wife and daughter. I looked across the practice field and could see the kids racing between in and out of the rain. Something was tugging at my heart. An excitement started to build within me.

That's when I began to wonder if I could fix my marriage. I knew it would take hard work and I would need to change the behaviors that were destroying my marriage. I thought about the areas I was failing in my marriage and finally saw how self-centered I was. I knew I was a jerk to live with. I was uncaring, uncompassionate, distant, and lived my life as though it was all about me. I rarely shared my life with my wife. I realized my parents were not good role models for me and now I was repeating some of the same devastating patterns that nearly broke my parent's marriage apart.

When I got home that night, I made a list of the mistakes I was making... not my wife's, but mine. I spent several days compiling the list and even though there were some ugly items on it, I could see why my wife left me. I didn't blame her at all. I gave her all the ammunition she needed to file for divorce. Some of my problems were embedded in my upbringing and I knew they were not going to be easy to change. It would take some real work and effort on my part, but as I looked at my list, I was dedicated to working on the glaring issues that caused my wife so much pain.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

One of the first things I did was to call my close friends and ask them to be brutally honest with me. I told them to hold nothing back when they shared their thoughts about my character flaws. At first they were unsure of what I was asking for. I explained to them I was trying to fix my marriage and needed their help in looking at what kind of person I was. They were reluctant at first, but realized how important this was to me. They shared what they viewed were my weaknesses and flaws. Next, I called my wife who was very hesitant to say anything. She told me it was too late and that she had moved on. That, my friends, was a huge blow to my ego. I didn't argue with her. I was working on the new me and would keep making the necessary changes even if it meant walking away from an argument.

The insights that my friends shared with me gave me plenty to work on. Following are a few of the things I learned:

• I was never home to spend time with my family because I was always playing softball or hunting.
• I couldn't say "NO" to friends but never found time for my wife or daughter.
• I never did things with my wife. My friends commented that they never saw the two of us out together.
• I was always with friends and seldom with her.

I knew my friends were right as painful as it was to hear, I knew all of it was true. These were personal issues and they needed to be addressed. So how was I going to fix these problems? I knew that I would have to spend time with my daughter even though my wife didn't have any desire to work things out with me. That may be the case for many of my readers. You slowly have to win your spouse back. I did things with my daughter including hikes, planting trees, and shopping. When I asked my daughter what she wanted, she always asked me to read to her, tell her stories, and make popcorn for her. In fact, I had a list that was three pages long. I added items of interest to her list each time we got together. My wife saw the changes and she commented on them. She even noticed I was spending less time with friends and more time with our daughter. I took her to my ball games, then, afterwards we would spend time at the park. I was getting to know my daughter all over again. At times, I felt utterly helpless trying to regain my role as her father, but I persevered.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Marriages usually start out on cloud nine, but sooner or later reality and life set in causing conflict and there were no books on marriage given you on your wedding day to refer to. The most important aspects of your life, marriage and children, are not taught in school and few of us get good advice from our parents.

There is no shame in needing marriage help, and you are to be commended for seeking books on marriage to help get through those rough spots and maybe even saving your marriage by stopping a divorce; if things have gone that far wrong.

The worst thing a married couple can do is pretend everything is alright when it really is not. Ignoring the problems merely compounds the damage the longer it goes untreated.

You may not want to be seen shopping at the local bookstore under the marriage help section, the privacy of seeking help online is quite convenient. Frankly, much of what you might see at the mall with a glossy cover and photo of the "learned author" with that knowing look, spectacles in hand and titles behind their name is really just drivel.

Books that sell at a retail outlet rely on an attractive cover and the name of the author. Notice I did not say reputation of the author.

Just because someone with a talk show or someone who has been on a talk show and sold a lot of books does not mean that anyone was helped!

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

I could write a marriage book that would resonate well with men, sell a lot of copies and make me popular among men. Unfortunately the same words that would make me a popular author among men would likely alienate women from the marriage to those men.

Saving a marriage is not about saying things people want to hear, it is about finding ways that two people are not connecting on the level they need to. Most times that includes telling those individuals things that hurt a little bit to hear.

Not the way to get popular as an author, is it? When the results bring those two people closer together, stop the divorce, and return love to the marriage, though, was it worth it?

Absolutely!

Author reputation is very important, but not as purveyor of fancy words that are sweet to the ear of the book buyer. Reputation needs to be based on couples success at reconciliation, restoring love in the marriage and thus saving the marriage from divorce or life long unhappiness.

That is one thing that is pretty cool about the internet. People selling a product like a marriage book will not last long if their advice does not result in positive results. These authors are not relying in fancy covers, getting on Oprah or bribing a book chain to put them on the aisle rack.

Instead these people look for feedback and referrals of couples who have used their material to put their marriage back together, rebuild trust and reignite love.

My advice is to stay away from some lettered author with a nice profile photo on the jacket of a book stuffed full of platitudes, feel good lines and self edification.

Look instead for someone selling a book on marriage with positive feedback from real people who were helped by the content they not only read but actually applied to their marriage.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.