The society of today increasingly wants to make us think that a certain stereotypical woman exists. Types of thought-processes, products, and services surface which condition us to reach for the currently worshipped ideal, even at the cost of degrading our own selves. But if we look deep within ourselves, then we know that the perfect woman is exactly how we imagine. The true woman lives inside of us all, in fact, and is unique to each of us. However, if the true woman is indeed within us, then how come we fail to exist as the manifestation of her?
Negative self-assessment, defeatism, fear, and lack of self-confidence stemming from models and patterns from our upbringing can make us believe that we are not pretty, attractive, lovable, worthy, smart, or good enough. (It is worth taking the time to work through these negative imprints using methods of inner-self exploration, in order to transform them into positive and supportive beliefs.) The continuous “I’m not enough” attitude results in feelings of inferiority and a constant fear of losing the man in our lives.

As women, we often think that in order to “hold on” to our man, we must engage in some sort of pantagruelian accomplishment, something beyond ourselves. We believe that the man will only remain by our side, if we put in enormous amounts of energy and an abundance of work to qualify for a certain standard.  In order to ensure our position, we undertake impossible tasks, and needlessly carry considerable burdens on our shoulders. Because the strain is massive, and we are trying to measure up to the requirements, we one day realize how exhausted and unhappy we are, and our relationship starts to deteriorate. This frightens us, so we take on even more weight, until it buries us completely and without warning. We continue fighting further, and our once enthusiastic outlook mutates into agonizing daily routine, for which we don’t receive even as much as an acknowledgment.
This is a trap, which we have set for ourselves, and voluntarily walked into. Men, in fact, do not yearn for a self-sacrificing, personality-deprived, and subservient woman. Clean laundry, a tidy home, and tasty meals alone do not make a man stay by a woman’s side. When choosing a mate, in the beginning of the relationship, these were not the deciding factors. At the start of getting to know one another, the man is intrigued by whether or not he enjoys himself in our company, not whether or not we are super slaves. At that point, adventure, impishness, curiosity, conversation, and laughter characterize the relationship. While getting acquainted, we are enticing, sweet, caring, attentive, and understanding women. As time passes, we transform into harboring female beings, which are unrecognizable when compared to our previous selves. There is no need for us to become heroines, or subservient and all agreeing within our relationship, in order to hold on to our man. We have one single task, as follows: we must enjoy ourselves!
We must laugh, rejoice, and have time for ourselves. If we give up on ourselves, we lose the exact enchantment that once made an impression on the man. If we are unable to experience joy and bliss, and are merely meeting standards and undertaking burdens, the man will perceive this as having lost the woman he once fell in love with. The man will always look for the woman he once met.
Men are not in search of a servant for themselves! (I am aware that angels are not the ones that clean the dirty laundry, and fairies are not the ones who cook dinner.) I know that we have a great deal on our plate overall, and we must tend to our necessary obligations, but let us complete them with enthusiasm, rather than dread. Do something because you have a need to, rather than because others expect it from you. And, do this in a way that you remain your own priority. We must always place number one in our own lives! Because, in fact, those in our vicinity can only feel pleasant, if we do too. The most important thing is to invest in ourselves, because that way, even if we do end up associating with a jerk after all, we still get to keep our selves, and walk away with the lessons we have learned and the energy we have put in. We lose all the energy we invest in others, and overcoming such a situation is terribly challenging.

Be selfish in a positive way, marvelous, enchanting, balanced, and at peace with yourself. You will then attract the right man, and easily hold on to him too. Men, after all, always exist where they feel their best.

With Love: Valeria

Author's Bio: 

I have been living a conscious life for fifteen years. I’ve learned several methods of self-awareness. I began to work on myself and confront myself, and that is when I came to see the ingrained patterns that defined and motivated me. The patterns I had learned did not allow me to be my true self, and they prevented me from achieving the happiness I desired. When I grew closer to my true nature – alongside further self-development – I started to hold therapy sessions, and eventually, I taught as well. Thousands of realizations, thousands of revelations – honestly, we are talking about numbers that big – after plenty of pain, loads of bitterness, and countless “A-HA” moments, I am finally my true self. I can do what I must do and be who I must be. I am a happy woman living in balance, harmony, and a joyous relationship. I have reached my goal. I arrived.