How Do You Know When To Leave A Marriage: How Do I Know If I Should Leave My Husband / Wife

Today we live in an age that promotes self-awareness BUT when it comes to relationships, it fails to show us how to use our self-awareness to arrive at good decisions. Most of the advice we get makes our problems even worse.

There are literally millions of men and women ambivalent about whether to stay in or leave their marriage. If this is you, I will share why you MUST get out of limbo for the sake of your sanity, health and relationship.

We all feel doubts from time to time and occasionally speculate about what it would be like to be on our own or with a different person. That's not ambivalence.

Ambivalence is when you switch and divert the bulk of your attention to wondering whether you should stay or leave your relationship, a constant evaluation of weighing everything up, forever analysing, often to the point of obsession.

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You Suffer
Emotionally - many report mood swings, depression, feeling lost and lonely. Others in my couple counselling have talked of the inability to focus properly and their irritability, where they easily explode.

Physically - individuals have shared with me they have poor sleep, tiredness, chronic stress, colds, sinus problems and stomach bugs; that never seem to shift. As well as back pain, neck ache and feeling weak.

You Become Trapped
The most damaging thing about the stuck state is that the longer you are in it, the harder it is to get out of it. This is because in order to be in it, you have to switch off, numb yourself to the relationship and life, so it can often feel like you are no longer living. Instead just getting through the day. You also may find that you engage more in mind-numbing activities or substances that prevent you from facing reality and making important decisions.

This is how ambivalence becomes a vicious cycle, desperately unhappy but not making a decision to make yourself happy, as you have shut down your feelings.

The Marriage Suffers
It is not only damaging to the individual, the marriage suffers greatly too. You can easily sense if someone is into you and the relationship, their body language and actions say it all.

Yet many husbands and wives don't take into consideration, just how much they are killing the love, trust, respect and passion by blowing hot and cold, not committing to things and by doing something loving one minute and then the next taking it away. It not only causes confusion, heartache and pain, distrust builds and trust is essential in any relationship. Often the other spouse in reaction to their partners behaviour becomes ambivalent too, the problem gets even worse.

If on the other hand, you make a decision to-

You free up energy, time and head space to work on saving the marriage and resolving any problems. You can get into actions that will make you feel happy, empowered and positive, rather than stuck in your own head analysing the negative. You will also show your spouse you respect, love and care enough to act. If you have children they will benefit from seeing a loving, giving relationship as opposed to noticing a tense or shut down one.

If leaving is an option and something you decide to do, you can use your mental power and energy to start creating a new life. As well as free your partner to be with someone that really wants to be with them. You will protect your friendship rather than let the relationship deteriorate so much that you end up hating each other. If you have children, not letting things escalate to the point you cannot stand each other will benefit them. Children need parents that can co-parent effectively as friends if they separate.

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The way we get taught in society to deal with marriage ambivalence simply doesn't work and can actually become part of the problem!

We are advised-

1. Distract yourself - don't think about it

This is terrible advice because it's impossible to do! How can a person not think about something so important to them. It won't go away if you "try" not to think about it. All that happens is people get stuck "trying" to distract themselves where they engage in OVER sleeping, eating, spending, exercising, drinking or working to escapee but all they do is keep the problem longer.

2. Weigh up the Pro's and Con's - think about it

This doesn't work either! It's an exhausting, positive energy sucking exercise, that actually becomes the problem. Why?

1. Focusing on all the negative aspects of the relationship and person over time creates more negativism and hostility in the relationship and in someone's life. Causing them to stay stuck. I always say in couples counselling - negativity does not lead to clarity.

2. You cannot ever accurately compare a known "staying in the relationship" with an unknown "leaving the relationship" as you have no clue about the future. So an attempt at pro's and con's is FUTILE.

3. You have no measurement of weighing up the list of pro's and con's, how can you determine what weighting and value to give to your item on the list? We are dealing with feelings, experiences, interactions NOT facts and figures.

3. Time will tell
People are often also told "time will tell" in fact in couples counselling make share that they have been hoping time would heal or things would get better. What a myth! It's the only action taken within time that counts. I know people who have waited 10, 20 and even 40 years for "time" to give them an answer, where they stayed stuck unable to move forward with their relationship and life one way or the other.

Imagine the scenario of a flat tyre, if you got a flat tyre you wouldn't pull up a chair and wait for air and life to be sucked back into it, would you? No that would be ridiculous...

You would either get to work yourself to mend the tyre and see if it is fixable or call someone to fix it. Where you would first assess on your own or with an expert, is this fixable? If it is great you can carry on with your journey and if it is not you replace it with a new one so again you can begin a new journey.

This is what I do with those ambivalent, it takes an assessment in individual or couples counselling and action. Waiting is damaging to the relationship, friendship and health.

What can you do if you are unsure whether to stay or leave your marriage?

STOP - thinking, over analysing intellectualizing... all you will do is drive yourself crazy!

ADDRESS your fears, concerns, worries, doubts, that keep you paralyzed with procrastination

START - sensing, feeling, using your intuition, noticing how your body reacts

ACT - start moving in a direction, to feel love, forgive others and let go of past hurt and fear we need to act

Pay Close Attention Here-

Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were - in love, committed and excited about the future - within a few days guaranteed. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here

If you are feeling that there is something not right with your marriage, that you are starting to drift apart, chances are it is time to learn and apply some save marriage tips. Just in case you are thinking that it is a difficult or expensive task to try to save your relationship, you will be happy to learn that you will soon learn 4 easy and inexpensive tips which you can apply to save your marriage right away. In fact, it is very sad that these are just common sense tips but many people would not even try to apply them in order to save their relationship.

1. Learn To Let Go
I know this may be hard for some of you, especially if you are someone who is usually very particular about the way things go or who is an organized person but your spouse is not. In life, it is vital to learn to give and take. If you are going to argue over every little thing that happened, you will only end up quarrelling every day and you will not be happy.

Thus, for a start, learn to leave things as it is when your spouse says or does something that frustrates you. You will be surprise to find that your spouse will also show a significant change in attitude if you change the way you react towards him. In this way, you are not just keeping the peace in the house but helping to save your marriage as well. Remember, you don't have to be right every time.

2. Search For That Romantic Feeling Again
This is especially true for couples who have been married for many years. Very often they tend to forget what had attracted them to each other at the beginning. It is very sad that marriages end up in divorces because couples do not try to rekindle that romantic feeling they had for each other at the beginning of their relationship. So how do you rekindle your romance?

Start dating each other again. Yes, even if you are not going out for a romantic dinner together, you can still approach each other as you would when you had first started your relationship. This is a necessary step towards building your relationship because with freshness added in your life, you can feel romantically attracted to each other again. You have to avoid feeling that your life together is just a routine, otherwise you will soon get bored of each other and would want to end your relationship.

So if you really do love your spouse and would want help to save marriage, take the first step in making your life more unpredictable. Give your spouse a surprise romantic dinner either at home or invite him for a date while you prepare something special. Enjoy yourselves and relive the past memories when you were still dating.

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3. Show Your Love
As married couples, I will presume that you understand your spouse very well or well enough to know what tickles him. Show your love to him in the way that you know will make him happy. Say things that he likes to hear, tell him that you love him. Many married couples have the misconception that since they are already married, it is not necessary to express their love to each other any more. How wrong they are! It does not matter whether you are still in the dating stage, newly married or married for many years, in order to maintain the relationship, you have to say "I Love You" to each other every day.

Do the things that you know your spouse loves. Even small gestures like making coffee for your partner in the morning before he goes out to work can be a great thing that makes your partner happy. The most important thing to remember is to do things that show your spouse you still care and love him very much. If you really to save your marriage, you must do something.

4. Be Affectionate Again
Last but not all, be affectionate again if you have not been doing it for a long time. Yes, I mean physical affection. You may be surprised but some couples who have been married for many years have not been physical for very long. Sex is important in a relationship regardless of how many years you have been married. It can help to rekindle the love in your marriage. You do not need a reason to hug and kiss your spouse. Make it a point to do it today in order to start your save marriage mission!

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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Nobody's life is going to be peaceful throughout; there are bound to be ups and downs. The same holds true for a marriage but the important thing is learning how to handle the stress so that you have the ability to save marriage before it is too late. Knowing how to save a marriage is especially vital if both of you have just gone through a catastrophic event and the stress seems too much for both of you to handle.

If you are wondering what counts for a catastrophic event in a couple's lives, such are usually grieving occasions like the death of a loved one, especially a child. The death could have been the result of an accident, an illness or even a natural disaster. Whatever it is, your world has suddenly fallen apart and one of you might decide to shut yourself up. Shutting oneself up is dangerous as the communication between the couple will break down. When this happens, knowing how to save a marriage is vital to keeping the relationship.

If you think that to save marriage is hard, you are far from the truth. Before you try to save your relationship, you need to first understand that people do not react to events in the same way. Even couples will handle things differently because men and women do not deal with things in the same way. Introverts will usually not let the people around him know what he is thinking of while the more expressive ones will be able to grieve openly. Understanding this fact is important if you want to learn how to save a marriage as you will then not expect your spouse to react in the same way as you did.

Besides that, you will also need to be very patient in such times of catastrophe. As people grieve, they will tend to become more negative in their thinking so expecting that will prevent you from getting frustrated with your loved one and ending up in unnecessary conflicts. In fact, take a closer look in yourself and you will notice that change in you too but maybe in a different degree.

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If both of you are facing such a difficult situation, it is a sign that you should see a marriage counselor. These professionals will be able to help you and your loved one get through the catastrophe without straining your relationship. Grieving is a painful period so you should accept the external help that are offered to you. Once both of you tide through this trying period together, you will come out of it much stronger than before.

In addition to the above advice, here are some more tips on how to save a marriage.

1. Make a commitment to each other
This is the time when you need to be supportive of each other. It is important that the stronger one support the weaker spouse so that both of you can tide through this crisis together.

2. Get all the support you can find
You are not the only ones in this world. It is vital that you get the support from the people around you so you will not feel it is the end of the world! Form a network of support from your close friends and relatives who can understand what you have gone through.

3. Laughter is the best medicine
No doubt you have just gone through a crisis but that does not mean you have to moan over the loss for the rest of your life! Watch a hilarious movie together and laugh out loud to lit the load on the shoulders for a moment. It will make you feel better and get you ready to move to the next step in life. I understand that this is easier said than done but to continue grieving for too long a period will only lead to depression. It is not going to help your relationship either.

Going through a crisis is hard enough, you do not want to lose your marriage as a result of it either! Finding a way to save marriage will make you a stronger person than giving up on everything because of one loss.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Do you know what the biggest reason for marriages to fall apart is? If your guess is 'infidelity', you are right! When a man and a woman get married, two individual lives are bonded for life. So, when one of the couple betrays that trust and gets involved in an extramarital affair, not many people can accept it and continue to live with the betrayer! However, does it really have to end? If you have been infidel and you still love your wife very much, how do you get your wife to love you again and trust that you will not hurt her once more? If you are looking for some save marriage advice to help you get your wife back, read on.

Very often, you hear about infidelity involving an intimate physical relationship outside of the marriage but what is little known is that emotional infidelity is also counted as a form of betrayal of the marriage union! In fact, some people would even consider emotional infidelity to be more serious because the cheating spouse has begun to share his/her life with another person who is not the legal spouse. Usually this type of infidelity will also lead to something more physical.

Studies have shown that emotional infidelity is fast becoming more serious these days because both couples will usually still carry on with their work and they will get to meet more people other than their spouses. As such, their social engagements become more mixed and they could fall in love more easily.

Emotional infidelity is now further facilitated by the introduction of modern technology. The cheating spouse can easily send text messages of love and bond with someone he/she should not bond with. Even physical infidelity is also easier now as couples tend to spend more time apart from each other since most married couples will continue to work.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Nevertheless, it should be noted that committing adultery is a personal choice which can be avoided if the person concerned has exercised self-control. Regardless of how many opportunities are out there seducing you, it is still wrong to cheat on your spouse! If you have committed adultery, it is time for you to give some serious thoughts to why it happened.

Is there something wrong with your marriage that caused you to stray? Have your desires been sufficiently satisfied? Sometimes it could be that you have some additional needs that are not met by your spouse; be it sexual or emotional. If you still love your wife and you some save marriage advice to win her back, you need to first find out what is broken in your relationship and get that fixed before you proceed any further!

So, how do you get your wife to love you again? Definitely, you'll have to apologize sincerely for your mistake and prove to her that it will not happen again. Don't expect her to forgive you immediately because chances are, it will not be so simple or fast! It takes time and effort on your part as you try to repair your relationship with your wife. It will take time for you to rebuild the trust that she had for you at the beginning but if you can prove to her that you have mend your ways, you will be able to get her back. Give her some time and space to get over the hurt you have caused her.

At the same time, you have to be absolutely sure that it will not happen again as she will definitely not trust you again if you cheat on her a second time! Finding out about your infidelity is a devastating experience for your wife but if you want to win her back, you will have to apply the save marriage advice above. Only then will your question of 'how do you get your wife to love you again' be solved.

The above are just 3 of the many tips in the ebook "The Magic of Making Up". Simply apply the strategies in the step-by-step guide which you can download immediately and you are on your way to saving your marriage. Don't wait till it's too late to start saving your marriage. You deserve a better life than the present agony and suffering that you are going through.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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Author's Bio: 

Now you can stop your divorce or lover’s rejection...even if your situation seems hopeless! Visit Stop Marriage Divorce

There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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