How To Change Myself To Save My Marriage: How To Change Yourself For Your Husband

The effects of a negative attitude on marriage are profound. If you are a negative person who complains often and worries too much about all the things that could go wrong (or the tiniest things that do go wrong), you are putting a serious strain on your marriage.

No one wants to be around a negative person, but it's actually been proven that listening to constant negativity and being around pessimistic energy increases stress levels and chances of depression. It also alters your brain neurology. Recent studies in the field of neuroscience have discovered that the people closest to us can effect changes in our brains. That means that your spouse's negative attitude can literally change your brain's make-up. If YOU are the negative spouse, think about what your attitude is doing to the mind and nerves of the one you love.

If you rely on your "up" spouse to deal with your "down" attitude, you need to take that burden off him or her. You need to find ways to be more optimistic about life and less stressed out about the little things that aren't worth your stress.

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Because the truth is that you may vent or complain to release stress, but your spouse's mind is wired to pick up and encode your message. Your negative words are actually creating a mental landfill in your spouse's brain (or vice visa if you are the victim of his or her negativity).

Next time you are with your spouse, watch yourself and try not to complain about the food at the restaurant or the temperature inside the movie theater, or the hectic day you had at work. Try not to see the bad in others over the good.

Instead, try to find ways to make your life appealing to him or her. Make a point to find ways to praise your day, the restaurant, the movie, etc. Look for the enjoyment in your time together instead of harping on and on about what's missing or wrong. And try to be supportive about the people in his or her life, like your in-laws.

If you are negative with your spouse a lot, in the form of criticisms and judgments of their choices in life, you have to stop this immediately. The damage that can be done in a marriage when one partner (or both) constantly makes the other feel "not good enough" is enormous. No one is perfect and there are constructive ways of telling a person that their choices are not helping them in life.

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You strongly feel the need to restore the marriage with your spouse. It's been getting bad lately. You don't talk, you yell. You don't share, you try to do your own thing. You barely kiss each other much less have sex. You or your spouse might even be seeing someone else outside the marriage.

There's no doubt in your mind you're going to become another statistic, just one of the 50 percent of all marriages that end up in divorce. You desperately need to restore the marriage in your life but don't know how. Marriage experts agree there are 3 critical areas to work on when trying to restore a marriage --

1. Commitment to one another

The very basis of a marriage is the commitment the two persons make to each other. Without this commitment, everything else is a mute point.

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2. Communication with each other

Human beings communicate to achieve understanding and get their intention across. A marriage in which the two people don't communicate will die quickly.

3. Sexual desire for your spouse

Although sex will become routine in any marriage, it is still a very crucial bonding element for married couples. If the sex has died, you don't talk any more and the commitment is waning, your marriage is in deep trouble. Take immediate action to save it. Most marriages that are saved from divorce require help from marriage counselors and other professionals. They are expensive though. If you need a more affordable alternative, go on the Internet and search for e-courses or ebooks that are written by the very same experts.

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So your spouse has told you it's over. Maybe he or she has moved out or is asking you to move out. This is very painful and can be devastating to those who were not expecting it. If you find yourself in this situation you may be wondering how to avoid divorce. What can you do right now to prevent it from happening? I'd like to offer my insights based on personal experience both during the time I was in your situation and I how I ultimately turned things around.

I am not a doctor or therapist. I am just a guy who found myself facing a divorce a few years back that I was totally unprepared to deal with. All I wanted to do was convince my wife not to go through with it! And I tried everything I could think of to get her to see just what a huge mistake she was making. Fact is, I didn't really have a clue what to do and the result was to push her further away.

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The good news is that my marriage was saved but not until I learned some very important secrets:

1. I had to bravely love my wife enough to calmly respect her decision to end our marriage and give her the space to do it. Although this seems like the complete opposite of what you should do, it tends to make your spouse wonder if they are doing the right thing and it makes you seem more attractive in their eyes.

2. I had to admit to myself that I needed help to save my marriage and that the things I had been doing weren't working. I needed a much better plan. Millions of couples facing insurmountable odds had saved their marriages. How had they done it?

3. I had to dedicate myself to doing whatever it took to save my marriage, even if it meant doing things that seemed to make no sense or defied conventional wisdom. I had to be willing to take very specific action. The hours, days and weeks following a separation are critical!

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I sometimes hear from people who felt sure that separating and then pursuing a divorce was the best idea. Sometimes, they firmly believe that their marriage is too far gone to save. Other times, they believe that they have fallen out of love with their spouse. But then, at some point during the separation that they felt sure would lead to a divorce, a strange thing begins to happen. They start to miss their spouse. Much to their surprise, they are deeply affected by their spouse's absence. And they often have no idea what this should mean for their marriage or for their expected a divorce.

I heard from a wife who said: "for the last five years, my husband and I have seriously grown apart. For the past year and a half, I have been closely watching my marriage. Because I was trying to determine if there was anything left and if I should try to save it. I decided that it was truly over because I believed that I felt nothing for my spouse and for my marriage. My husband had a hard time accepting this, so I decided to pursue a separation before filing for divorce. I figured this would give him some time to adjust and would be the best and most kindest way to go about this. I felt like my mind was made up. We've been separated for about four weeks. Well, for the last couple of weeks, I have started to miss my husband desperately and I don't know what to make of this. My best friend says that I just miss him because he had almost become a habit and that this doesn't mean that I still love him or that I should change my mind about the divorce. But I don't know if she is right. I find myself thinking of him longingly and remembering some of the good times in our marriage. Is this normal? Is my marriage still over?"

I couldn't decide if this wife's marriage should be over or not. This was a decision that only the couple should make. However, if I'm being honest, I think that the wife missing her husband was quite telling and important. I will tell you why below.

Missing Your Spouse During A Separation Means That You Aren't Indifferent And In My Opinion, This Is Significant: I know that many people will disagree with what I am about to say. But I believe that if you still have some feelings for your spouse, this could potentially mean that your marriage isn't really over. I believe this is true even if you are feeling negative emotions like anger, frustration, or confusion. Because I think that if you are having any feelings at all, this means that you are still invested in your marriage, even if this frustrates or upsets you.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

I know that people will often say that you are missing your spouse simply because your habit has been broken. They will say that splitting up with take some adjustment even if there is nothing left. I actually disagree with this. I believe that feeling nothing or a sense of indifference might be an indication that is over. But this wasn't the case here.

I find that people who are truly over their partner or their marriage actually feel a sense of peace and acceptance. There is no anger, frustration, longing, or confusion. There just isn't anything more. Because both people know that they have done all that they could and yet it still wasn't enough.

I couldn't tell this wife what she was feeling or why she was feeling it. But it did seem pretty evident to me that she hadn't yet reached the point of indifference and I believe that this was telling. Of course, this is only my opinion. And the only opinion that really mattered was her own.

Where To Go From Here: Again, this isn't my decision to make. It truly was the wife's decision and she would likely have to get still, take some time, and dig deep so that she could listen to what her heart was trying to tell her. This was a serious decision that might strongly impact two lives.

So this is only my opinion, but it seems to me that it makes sense to not rush this. She could just take her time and see if the feelings continued on. I wasn't sure that she should completely share this with her husband until she was sure of her feelings. Because I have been the spouse who was on the other side of this, and I wouldn't have wanted for my husband to give me false hope until he was sure.

So I would suggest just remaining present and holding off on filing for a divorce until she was more sure of her feelings. Regardless of whether this relationship was eventually going to end, it is always a good idea to leave things in a positive way. It is always a good idea to maintain a positive relationship with someone who will always be very important to you. So I would suggest not making any rash decisions and to just watch and listen. Your heart might be trying to tell you something and you can't receive the message if you are not listening and willing to hear what it has to say.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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