My Husband Always Walks Away From Me: He Walks Away When We Argue

When you're looking for ways of overcoming marital conflicts, your marriage is obviously in trouble. Are the two of you fighting almost constantly? Does it seem that lately all you want to do is avoid each other?

There IS a way that you can get back to the 'good old days', when you liked being with each other, and could laugh and talk together.

Every marriage has its share of conflicts. How do happily married couples have arguments or disagreements, but are never afraid that they'll be headed for divorce?

These couples know that they share the responsibility of the problem.

If your spouse is at home all day with the kids, and you are at work all day, you have to realize that you are both tired.

Sometimes the spouse that works all day thinks that the spouse that stays home has it made - they don't have to work, all they have to do is stay home and take care of the kids and maybe clean a little bit. No big deal...

Have YOU ever tried to take care of a baby (or two), clean, do laundry, and have a hot dinner ready when your spouse comes home from work?

On the other hand - You are the spouse that stays at home all day long with the kids, trying to cook, clean, and everything else. And you manage to do this without pulling your hair out.

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Your spouse has it easy - all they have to do is get up and go to work, and come home to find everything has been done for them. They don't have to put up with fighting kids, a mess that comes back as soon as you clean it up, washing and drying a never ending pile of laundry, AND trying to have dinner made by the time they get home.

Take a moment to think about how they are feeling before you start to badger them about things not being done the way you want, or expect, them to be.

This will remove a lot of the tension between the two of you, and a lot of your marital conflicts will cease.

When the two of you see things from the other's point of view, you will realize that one spouse does not have it any easier than the other. You both have stressful and hectic lives.

To solve marital conflicts, you both have to meet somewhere in the middle - with everything.

When you find yourself in a conflict, don't let it get out of control.

Control your emotions. By your staying as calm as possible, your spouse also will. If you get upset and start yelling, your spouse also will.

This does work - have you ever tried yelling at someone who spoke in a quiet tone, even when they were mad? It's quite hard to do it. not impossible, but hard.

To overcome marital conflicts, talk to your spouse. Define what both of you think of the situation, and how both of you think it should be handled.

This is why a lot of conflicts happen - you both have a different way of thinking. When you meet somewhere in the middle, your conflicts will start to cease.

Neither of you will be overpowering, and neither of you will feel undermined. By meeting in the middle, or compromising, you will be able to relax with each other again.

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Last week we celebrated the wedding of two young adults in our church. I had the privilege of giving the wedding sermon. And in my sermon I shared with them this time tested key for a successful marriage. Now this might surprise you, but this time tested key for a successful marriage is found in the Bible in Proverbs 18:22.

Carefully read with me the words found in Proverbs 18:22. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." I think it would also be appropriate to turn the proverb around in this way. "She who finds a husband finds a good thing..."

At this point you are probably raising this question to yourself. "What does this proverb have to do with a successful marriage?" This Proverb teaches us two important concepts about a successful marriage. Let me share them with you.

First, this Proverb teaches us about the sovereignty of God in marriage.

A couple with a successful marriage understands this important truth. God is the one who brought them together. Please understand you did not meet your spouse by accident. God arranged all the details of life so that you might meet each other and marry each other.

If God brought you together then your spouse is a special gift from the Lord. And if your spouse is a gift from the Lord then we need to treat them like a special gift. Think what would happen in America if people began to treat their spouse as a special gift from the Lord.

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Years ago I ministered at a church in North Dakota. In the congregation there where several couples who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Each of them had a happy marriage because they understood this important truth. God was the one who brought them together. They therefore treated each other as a special gift from the Lord. And this made a difference in their marriage.

Second, this Proverb teaches us about the goodness of God in marriage.

Please understand that God is the one who created the idea of marriage. And whatever God creates is good. Your marriage is a good thing. And if someone puts down marriage they are putting down what God has called good. It's that simple.

At this point you may be frustrated with your spouse. You may at this point wish you were never married to them. But please remember this important truth. If you are married then you have found a good thing. For whatever God creates is always good.

When couples come to me for help they often say this to me. "We just don't like one another any more." I then ask them to list two or three things that originally attracted them to each other. As they list what originally attracted them to each other, smiles usually fill their faces. Once again they realized that they have found a good thing in one another.

Conclusion

The next time you are frustrated with your marriage please remember these two important truths. First, remember the sovereignty of God in marriage. God is the one who brought you together. Therefore treat one another as a special gift from the Lord. Second, remember the goodness of God in marriage. You have found a good thing in one each other.

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I admit it! I am tired. I am sore. I have discovered muscles I didn't know I had, and ones I didn't know could hurt!

Here's the thing: for years, I have been a trail runner. I love being in the woods, seeing the changing seasons, and running with my Yellow Lab, Sunny. We have a blast!

But then, winter hit. It was cold, but worse, it was wet -- very wet! And it never stayed cold enough to freeze the ground. And it seemed that on every running day, it rained. Well, as much as I love running, I am not so fond of bathing my 110 pound dog... and he is not so fond of being bathed!

End result? I kept putting off another run... until suddenly a few months had passed and I had not hit the trails. The end result for me? I got out of shape.

So, fast-forward to last week. I decided enough was enough, and I started exercising again. I got a plan, and I started on it. I knew there would be a price... pain and discomfort. Sure enough, the next morning after day one, I was a bit sore. By that night, I hurt! exercise

But guess what I did on day 2? I exercised. Day 3? New muscle pain. I exercised. Day 4, I had to get up an hour earlier to get in my exercise, but I did. Same thing on day 5, 6, and 7. In fact, that is my intention. To get up an hour earlier, if necessary, and get in my exercise time.

I have to admit -- when the alarm goes off, I have to argue with myself. The bed is warm, the house is quiet, and I could easily grab another hour of sleep... but I don't. Because I made a commitment to myself, and I intend on keeping it. As my wife reminds me, "consult your plan, not your feelings."

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So... what, you might wonder, does this have to do with your marriage (and saving it)?

Most people who come to me have not taken the best care of their marriage relationship. Perhaps life got in the way -- or fear, or anxiety, or anger, or just not realizing you needed to.

The marriage got "flabby," out of shape, inflexible, and weak. Sound familiar?

So, you decide to get that marriage back into shape. Guess what? It is not going to be easy. You will feel pain in places you didn't know you had. You will discover things about yourself, your spouse, and your relationship, that you never knew before.

Oh, and did I say that after a week of exercising, I am not yet in peak shape? I know -- I looked in the mirror! Frustrating as it may be, once you get out of shape, it takes both effort and time (in fact, sustained effort over time) to get to where you want to be).

Same is true for your relationship. It takes time and effort. It means refusing to get discouraged. It requires you to make a plan, then stick with it, regardless of how you are feeling! Remember, "consult your plan, not your feelings."

When it doesn't feel like you are making headway. When another obstacle gets in your way. When you just can't quite get there. That is when you dig in, keep getting up, and keep moving forward.

So, to quickly recap:

1) This ain't easy work.

2) But make a plan.

3) Stick with it: "Consult your plan, not your feelings."

4) Reap the benefits.

Now, a reality check: sometimes, people get so out of shape -- let their bodies get to such a point of disrepair -- that exercise can be deadly.

Unfortunately, that is sometimes true in a marriage. Sometimes, the relationship has deteriorated too far. The damage is too great. The marriage might finally heave a final breath. The marriage might end.

Problem is, you can never tell whether this is the case or not. Some people who look like they are on the verge of death begin exercising and come back to life. The same is true for marriages.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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What men want in a woman is someone to be their friend. There are heaps of couples out there who sadly never make the distance because after they get married, they realize that they aren't even friends with the other person. They have nothing in common, they can't talk to the wee hours of the morning about anything and they can't sit in silence together without someone breaking the awkwardness. This is more so something that has to come before you get married, but if you want to make the most of your friendship with your husband, here's three things he'd love you to do with him.

1. Go check out women together

Laugh if you must, but there are couples out there that go and check out other women together. Might I add that the wife is also straight? Straight women know if another woman is attractive or not, just as a man would know if another guy is attractive or not (we just don't admit it).

Doing this achieves a couple of things: one, it shows that you're not concerned that your man will run off with another woman, two, it's genuinely fun if you both do it just for kicks.

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2. Play sports

This is something that is up to the man; indeed, there are certain sports which aren't very "female friendly." For the women who aren't into sports, your man secretly does want you to visit him from time to time and support him on the field/court.

It's more so a presence thing more than anything else. He won't mind too much if you don't watch him or not.

3. Get him to show you something

If you want to really get in his good books, spend more time with him by getting him to demonstrate something he loves doing. Again, some guys prefer working alone, but if you show that you're interested in what he does, he'd usually be more than happy to show you.

He might come to rely on you more in the future and that will strengthen your bond with him as a friend and a partner.

What men want in a woman is someone who is a friend before a wife. If she is confident enough about herself that she can go bird watching with her man or play sports with him, any man will tell you that that's a good woman to have as a wife.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com