How To Handle Disagreements With Your Partner: Husband And Wife Fighting All The Time - Stop The Fight Now!

People grow up and enter into relationships and many believe that 'it should just work'. When problems arise and fighting happens we manage with the tools we picked up from our parents, teachers and previous relationships however they have all learnt the ways to navigate in a stormy relationship moment from someone else who was just practicing and trying to do better than the last time.

Tip #1: Start listening and responding in a different way

One aspect of a fight is often that the parties involved feel not heard. Start by feeding back what you hear your partner says, without responding by adding your point or giving your opinion. You might like to say something like: 'You feel ___ (for example: unloved) because I ___ (for example: am always coming home late). Repeating back what you heard does not necessarily mean that you agree with your partner, however you work towards actively listening to each other. The next step is to ask clarifying questions in a non-reactive way. Ask: 'What specifically that I have said or done is making you feel unloved?' Continue with active listening and feeding back.

Tip #2: Say sorry and mean it

Apologizing is one of the most powerful ways to take ammunition out of a fight. Saying: 'Look, I'm really sorry that I have upset you. It was not my intention and I am sorry' can turn an argument around simply because you have taken responsibility for the fact that your actions, words or behaviour might have hurt your partner and that you did not intend it. Any blame loses its justification when you have truly said sorry and meant if from your heart. Refrain from adding your point of view in this moment; simply say sorry and pay attention to your partner's reaction.

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Tip #3: Take responsibility for your own history

In any fight there are two parts that have made their own contribution to the problem. The first step to reduced reactivity in a relationship is to take responsibility for your own unresolved history and start cleaning it up. If you do not know any form of release or process work you might want to find professional help from a therapist, coach or counsellor to do so.

Tip #4: Give in, forgive, let go and start fresh

Fights mostly are two 'ego identifications' butting heads and trying to convince the other of their point of view being right. Practice giving in for a change and see what happens to the fight.

Often fights are fueled by past issues. Bringing up the past won't help the present issue so it is better to drop it and truly let go of it and only deal with what is present now. Start fresh by seeing only the current issue.

These tips obviously will only bear fruit if both partners are willing to start changing the pattern. Still, you can start from your side and observe the changes that occur. Be patient and be aware of 'change back' movement where your partner would like you to come back to the part you played before you have altered your reactions.

Ask for professional help

When emotions run high reactivity is almost unavoidable. Sometimes all your efforts might not be enough to change the patterns you and your partner have gotten yourself into. If you have not yet found the courage to ask for help it is time to do it now.

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Whether you have been hurt in a marriage, or have hurt your spouse, mending relationships is still a path that can only lead to success with your committed steps to improve your marriage. The best way to turn your marriage around is to make educated moves that contribute towards bringing you closer to your goals.

Here are 5 effective tips that will supercharge your speed towards your marriage goals.

1) Pick a side, and a direction. In other words, decide that you and your spouse are on the same team, and headed in the same direction. The most essential element of a marriage is that of trust and trust involves knowing that your partner wants the best for your marriage as you do. This means you no longer question your husband's motives or intents, and accept his acts of love in your marriage positively, and with appreciation.

2) Accept responsibility. Own up to your faults, accept responsibility, express your regrets and decide on how you will do things differently. Accepting responsibility for your actions can only bear positive results because you are truly capable of changing your own actions and thoughts, as opposed to pointing fingers and expecting your husband to make the first step towards change.

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3) Mean what you say. Your perception of what your spouse says and what he means are a mere reflection of the thoughts in your head. Once you start opening up to him, expressing your feelings and desires, you will automatically start to receive his expressions with earnestness. Mean what you say, say what you mean and you will begin to trust your spouse with the same.

4) Commit to forgive. Forgiveness is a commitment, and as vital to uphold as marriage itself. Once you have decided to forgive your spouse, you cannot and must not keep referring to past mistakes when upset with him. The best way to move forward in a relationship is to look ahead and not back. Commit to forgive, and look ahead from that point on to save your marriage.

5) Celebrate your success with your spouse. Even if it is going for a day without an argument, celebrate each milestone of your relationship with the one you have decided to share your life with. For those who look to count their blessings, even setting up a new email account is reason to celebrate, with a personalized and intimate first email to your husband. Look for ways to celebrate and your marriage will be filled with positive energy.

Mending relationships involves mending your attitude, replacing previous counter-productive habits with more useful ones, and occupying your time to focus on what you want, instead of thinking of the things you do not. You will only become closer to the aspects of your relationship that you think about the most, so focus on all that makes you happy with your husband, instead of what might have been.

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If you do not want to end up in divorce, you must avoid the following 3 marriage killers at all cost. These marriage killers will creep into your marriage without notice and most of the time when couples find out, it is too late.

Now, let me share with you the top 3 marriage killers so that you can do whatever it takes to avoid them and save your marriage today:

1. Lack of communication. Communication breakdown is one of the most common reasons why couples divorce. When things go wrong between the two of you, don't just keep quiet. It is vital you discuss the matter with your spouse and try to solve the problem. Go back to the time when you were dating and remember how you used to talk then. Then make time in the day and have a heart to heart talk with your spouse.

2. Emotional distance between you and your spouse. Whenever you feel that there is an emotional distance between you and your spouse, it is a sign for things to go wrong. As human beings, we crave both physical and emotional contact with the preson we love. So whenever you feel that you are not close with your spouse, you can easily find yourself looking for someone else and this will destroy your marriage. This is also true for your spouse too. To fix this problem, make time for the both of you to be together or get yourself involve in what your spouse is interested in.

3. Don't avoid the problems. Whenever things go wrong, don't avoid it. You should face up to problems when they first appear. In order to save your marriage, you must start dealing with tough issues immediately. What you see as unimportant issues can develop into big issues overtime. So ask your spouse together and pick a time to deal with the problems.

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If your relationship is in a critical situation right now it's better for you to avoid few very critical mistakes most women make when they are trying to get their husband back. I want to tell you a little bit about what you shouldn't do if you want to fix your relationship!

Non stop calls - well, by calling him 10 times a day you won't get the right results because no men want to be chased. It's too much for him. I know how hard it can be to stay away from the phone, but you should really try for your own good!

Begging and crying - weakness is so unattractive, even when you are not in high school anymore! The only thing you'll get by that is to give him another reason not to come back to you!

Ultimatums - when you are putting an ultimatum to you husband, it automatically will reject him. Instead of ultimatums, you should have a mature conversation where everyone will say what he feels about this conflict. Sometimes it's a littler harder, but I'm sure you can find a way to reach him unless he escaped the country!

Not getting to the real reasons of the conflict - I'm sure that there is a bigger reason for the separation then the fight. You have to get deeper and find why it happened, and then you have to fix it. There are many possible reasons and you have to find yours! Trust me, it's easier then it looks and I'm sure you'll see them quickly!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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Author's Bio: 

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