How To Make My Husband Happy With Me Again: Ways To Please Your Husband From The Front Room To The Bedroom
Do you feel like you've given all you could to make your marriage work? Are you tired and ready to give up?
If this sounds like you, please don't give up yet. With God's help, you can fix this mess, and you can become the woman your husband desires to be with on a consistent basis.
First, ask yourself, "Am I giving to my husband the way I want to give to him or am I giving him what he needs?" Chances are you're probably doing a mixture of the two. However, marriage is about giving to please your spouse. Yes, it's hard, but it's necessary in order to keep a happy home. In addition, when your husband is pleased, in most cases, he will in turn give you the things you need as well.
Situations such as financial turmoil, rearing children, sickness, and unemployment can cause us to lose focus of the joy and happiness we should experience in marriage on a daily basis. As a result, we can lose sight and take our husbands for granted.
When these things do occur, what can we do to circumvent these feelings and continue to give to our husbands unconditionally?
1) Smile. This gesture can soften a stressful atmosphere.
2) Pray for your husband on a daily basis.
3) For at least one day, refuse to discuss money. When money is tight, talking about it everyday can fuel major arguments.
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4) With love and compassion, look your husband directly in the eye when he talks to you.
5) Wipe the slate clean and forgive the "small" things. These small things include things such as: forgetting to give you a kiss, saying something hurtful, or reminding you of a mistake you made. (Note: If you're enduring abuse or adultery in your marriage, you need to seek a third party such as a reputable pastor or counselor who specializes in rebuilding marriages.)
6) Listen to what your husband says. We often complain that our husbands don't talk. However, when they do try to express themselves, do we really listen?
7) One thing that will drive a man crazy and turn him off is when you nag or complain. When your husband asks you to do something, do it without complaining.
8) When your husband gets home from work, give him 30 minutes to detox before you start a conversation. Give him some time alone if necessary.
9) Call or text your husband at work to encourage him.
10) Give it to him! In most cases, your husband desires intimacy through sexual intercourse. He deserves it because you're his wife.
Through the grace and help of God, you can use these suggestions to give to your husband. As a result of your consistent giving, your husband will in turn give in order to please you.
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It seems unlikely that anyone could improve his or her marriage in one evening. Well read on! Any positive step in the right direction is an improvement that will continue as long as the efforts continue to be made.
As our recent MarriageAdvice.com poll showed, more than 40% of our 207 respondents identified that the single biggest frustration in their marriage was that their husbands "Didn't Communicate Enough".
Below is a 8-step process to insure that both partners are communicating well.
Step #1 - Decide To Communicate
There are really only two options when it comes to communicating...either you do it or your don't. It's better to try and communicate and fumble around a bit than ignore the problem until it explodes like a pent up volcano.
The wise spouse will work to resolve and discuss their feelings before the lava of scalding words overflows.
Part of deciding to communicate will include setting aside a time each week to discuss family needs and concerns. This would also be a good time to resolve any minor conflicts that have arisen during the week but weren't fully taken care of previously.
Step #2 - Choose A Good Time
If a more heated conflict occurs, it's important to find the right time to discuss the matter. Waiting for your scheduled night for communicating would not be the best idea; however, taking a little time to give both partners time to cool off is important as well.
Working to resolve a big conflict should wait until a time when both parties are not wrung out, angry, tire, or hungry. Your physical state directly impacts your mental state and your ability to work through problems in a rational manner.
Additionally, as we allow ourselves time to calm down, we are better able to carefully think about what is really bothering us besides this specific event. In many cases, the topic of the current disagreement may not be the real problem.
As we take time to ponder and look for the root of the problem, we are better able to expand our vision to the whole picture and not just have tunnel vision of the current problem at hand. Keep in mind, it may just be we've had a bad day and this problem was the last straw.
It's much easier to resolve a problem when we have a better perspective of what is really going on inside of our head and heart.
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Step #3 - Neutralize Defenses
Before you have a deep discussion on something that is bothering you, consider two things. First, your spouse will be more receptive to the discussion if you reinforce your love, and express appreciation and confidence in their many attributes.
Second, you choose if you will be irritated or angry, so you need to express yourself in a away that acknowledges your responsibility for your feelings. "You make me so mad!" Really is a false statement because you have allowed yourself to become mad.
However,if you said, "When you make fun of me in front of our friends, it embarrasses me and I feel angry and frustrated," you would be giving a very accurate statement about what has happened to you. Invite your spouse to help you solve this problem you are having, then they become part of the solution, not the problem.
Step #4 - Use Humor
Like they say, "laughter is the best medicine". It's true, physiologically, it relieves stress, and mentally it gives you a time out to relax. You will find that the longer you have been married, the more you have to laugh about.
Many things that were painful or frustrating at the time can be viewed with great humor years later.
Creating code words from some of these humorous events will help relieve tensions when a similar event threatens to evolve.
When either my husband or I say something that is insensitive to the work effort done by the other, all we have to say is "I hate kidney beans", and the other one immediately realizes their actions are bordering on being insensitive.
It's an easy way to control tense situations, prevent them from escalating and elicit a sincere, "I'm Sorry."
A word of caution, be sensitive to the situation. There are times when humor is neither appropriate or too late in coming and will be viewed as sarcasm. Sarcasm has no place in true efforts to communicate.
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Step #5 - Be Fair
Be careful when discussing sensitive issues and don't fall into touchy subjects that you know will enflame the argument.
Looking for fair solutions may require compromising or acquiescing. Remember, you both need to give, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot, to resolve conflicts.
Step #6 - Finding a Peaceful Stalemate
There are times when you need to just agree to disagree. You don't always have to agree 100% with your spouse, so there are occasions when a peaceful stalemate would be appropriate. It is only a legitimate solution as long as it isn't just putting off the blow up for another time.
A peaceful stalemate results in open discussion about your differences, why neither of you feel you can change at this time, and acceptance of each others differences.
Step #7 - Willingness to Change
When we truly feel loved, it gives us the freedom to risk changing and growing into a new and improved version of our old self.
As we nurture our marriage relationship, the love and acceptance we feel will be liberating as we make minor and sometimes major changes in whom we are.
Marriage is a wonderful opportunity to practice charity towards our spouse and provide a safe relationship where growth can occur.
Step #8 - Bolster Each Other
No matter what solution you have arrived at, it's important to always express love and confidence in each other after a disagreement. As we show this love in days to come, it will be clear that no one is harboring ill feelings about the disagreement and that it was truly resolved.
When both partners feel loved and supported in their relationship after a disagreement, it's easier to resolve future problems with love and respect.
By applying these communication steps, you have now discovered how you can change your marriage in one evening. It will take practice, but with time, you will discover that your marriage has improved more than ten-fold.
Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!
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So you and your spouse have decided to go for a marriage separation. People say, it will be good for you both. Bad advice! If anything, a marriage separation will end up in divorce more times than it will result in reconciliation. Here's why it doesn't work --
1. The more time you spend apart the less you talk
Even if you think that you can't talk with each other anymore, that every talk ends up in a fight, at least you are still talking. The opposite is worse -- you don't talk anymore, no communication, no connection, no shared bond.
2. You will each start to adapt to single life
People, especially today, adapt fast to new situations. Once separated, you and your husband or wife will adapt to singlehood again. The attraction and appeal of marriage will fade as a result.
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3. You never know who's out there
The world has very few morals left. If people don't think twice about hitting on folks who are married, guess what? They'll be more than happy to make a pass at your spouse. Remember, you both are very vulnerable at this stage.
4. Marriage problems don't solve themselves
Like it or not, you need to make the effort to solve your marriage problems. They can't solve themselves. A marriage separation is a time-out. You are taking your focus away from the issues. Instead, you should both be figuring out what you can do to resolve them. Go do some research. There's a lot of fantastic resources out there in books and on the Internet. Make the effort now or lose your marriage in the long run.
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What is the secret to a long lasting and healthy marriage? Is there a "blue print" for marriage self help that can dramatically improve your chances for success? We've all read the negative aspects of getting married and the high divorce rate. What if you could regularly practice a set of guiding principles that would almost guarantee that you and your partner would stay together? That's what this article is all about.
1. Think Before You Speak - For a lot of people, the first thought that comes to their mind is not the best choice of words. If you are talking with your spouse, especially about an important or sensitive matter, consider if what you are saying is critical or hurtful. If it is, don't say it.
2. Easy Does It - If a conflict arises, don't escalate it by making critical or overly defensive statements. You can discuss things without finding fault or placing blame.
3. Yes Dear - This one is for the husband. Research has shown that women are already proficient at letting men have some say in things and the happiest marriages come when the husband practices this as well. This doesn't mean caving in to everything and being a doormat. It simply means being willing to strike an equal balance in the power structure.
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4. Expect The Best - Most likely during your courtship, you were both on your best behavior. Continue to respect your partner by treating them this way even after you are married and expect the same from them.
5. Get In Get Out - When a discussion becomes heated, it is important to know how to gracefully exit the discussion before it escalates any further. This may include changing the subject in a polite way, taking a break and agreeing to discuss the problem again later, or in some cases, just agree to disagree. It depends on how important the discussion really is.
6. Silver Lining - Look for the best in everything. Not just in your relationship but in your life. The more you see the positive side of your life together, the less you will dwell on the things you don't like.
7. Know When It's Time - If problems in the marriage do begin to present themselves, the sooner you do something about it, the better your chances of resolving it before you reach crisis mode. Delaying will not fix the problems!
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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