How To Mend A Broken Marriage Stop Your Divorce: Husband Wants To End Things

Will you let me help you figure out how to fix your marriage crisis and help you heal open wounds? If you are struggling in your marriage and find yourself sad or frustrated there are definitely things you can do to make things better, and I've outlined 5 keys in this article.

How To Repair Your Marriage Key #1

One of the keys to fixing your marriage crisis is, understanding where you both think you are and which direction you are going in. It could very well be that you are miserable and your spouse thinks everything is fine. If you haven't had a heart to heart talk one of the first steps is doing so. The key is to have a discussion and not an argument. There are some questions that need to be asked and answered such as; Are you happy with our relationship? Is there any reason why we don't (fill in the blank)? What would make our marriage more (fill in the blank)?

You get the idea right? Think about the problems that exist in your marriage and come up with some questions that will help guide your conversations and help you get to the root cause and work together to find the right solution to end the pain.

How To Repair Your Marriage Key #2

Share your feelings with your spouse. This is the one and only person you should feel most comfortable telling how you are feeling and what you are thinking. The truth hurts but it is what's needed to fix your marriage. How can your spouse truly understand your pain and suffering if you hold back the truth?

How To Repair Your Marriage Key #3

Be open to your spouse's perspective and beliefs. Make sure you allow your partner to have a point of view. You may be tempted to jump to conclusions or perhaps doubt your spouse's answers or sincerity. Just because your spouse doesn't see things as you do doesn't mean he or she is wrong.

How To Repair Your Marriage Key #4

Apologize for mistakes you have made or things you have done which may have hurt your relationship. In this instance, you need to be specific with your apology. Don't give a blanket apology e.g., saying "I apologize for anything I've done to hurt you". A sincere apology will help restore your marriage so how well you do here is vital.

How To Repair Your Marriage Key #5

If you want to learn how to fix your marriage then learn how to forgive your spouse for screwing up. Regardless of what your spouse has done, forgiveness is always necessary as part of the recovery process. Deliverance from pain is a by-product of forging and healing is an added bonus.

Learning how to restore your marriage and end the frustration and pain should be your top priority. I would suggest you both make commitments to change the way you treat and respect each other.

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Is it too much to ask that you get what you want out of your marriage? I don't think it is and neither should you. But, maybe the struggles in your marriage right now are due to the fact that either you or your spouse expect too much. Maybe it's that you're not doing your fair share or continuously neglecting your spouse. Which ever the case may be, there are some basic things you should know about saving your marriage that matter the most and would be wise of you to focus on.

One of the number one problems that come up when your marriage is in trouble, is one of you comparing your marriage to somebody else's. You expect that if that couple's marriage can work that way, why can't yours? This common misconception can be the start of many fights or problems that seem to drag on forever. Not to mention the day time drama on TV and the fairytale relationships in movies doesn't help either.

But, the fact of the matter is, your marriage will never be like somebody else's. No two relationships will ever be created equal or have the same chemistry about them. They are made up of very diverse and different people, environments, mindsets, conditioning, circumstance etc... etc... So comparing your relationship or marriage to some other couple's is a serious waste of time and can be a huge strain on you and your spouse as you constantly long or wish for your marriage to be the same.

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This isn't to say that you can't adopt some of the same characteristics of another couple's marriage. Like making more time for each other, holding the door for your spouse, remembering birthdays and anniversaries with special plans and just plain bringing the spark back like it used to be. But, don't be so critical of your spouse if they don't quite live up to how someone else's spouse is doing things.

So what's the main point here? Don't judge your relationship or marriage based off how another couples relationship is going. You're setting your marriage up for failure and making it impossible for you and your spouse to create your own happy marriage. By constantly comparing and coming up short, you'll find it very difficult to be happy in your marriage. If your spouse is doing this now, maybe you should tell them that. That we're not them, and never will be, but that doesn't mean that you can't find a way to insert some of those same qualities into the marriage if your spouse feels a sense of neglect in certain departments so to speak.

What matters most, is that you really listen to your spouse. I mean really listen, if you're still talking. Find out what really matters to your spouse, even if you have to dig it out of a close friend or family they may be talking too. Don't waste your breath or time arguing with one another that really gets you nowhere, instead hush up, listen and do, if your marriage is important to you and your spouses demands aren't extremely out of the ordinary. Put yourself in their shoes to see what they mean and learn some steps to making a troubled marriage a happy marriage by self educating yourself on what really makes marriage work.

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When we first came into the world, we were innocent with no conflicts. We were born into families that loved and cared for us in their own ways. And our families had other baggage which was also being shown to us and presented as how things normally are.

We always just accepted things as how they should be as we grew up, and we soaked up everything like sponges. That's what was normal for us and we never considered otherwise. That life experience has formed the basis for who we are today. We are indeed a product of our upbringing, and our marriages can be affected in detrimental ways because of it.

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When I got married, I thought that fighting was just slamming doors and banging things and holding a grudge. My husband was raised differently, in that his family carried on arguments by screaming at each other, so for a long time our arguments consisted of him screaming and me slamming and pouting. Neither of us realized that we were merely doing what we had seen growing up, but once we figured it out, we were able to begin to work out the problems and correct them.

The truth is neither of us ever was comfortable with the ways in which our parents had fought among themselves. But several years later, there we were doing almost the same thing. My parents stayed together, but his divorced, and he and I agreed that we must figure out a better way to deal with conflicts.

You first must accept problems and conflicts to be true before you can change them. Once you acknowledge the patterns, then you must create your own patterns. Taking responsibility for your role in the relationship is a must if there is to be a workable solution found.

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Even if your marriage is in crisis and instead of a happy union it feels more like unpaid, overtime work, you can probably still remember how it used to be. It used to be butterflies in your stomach; it used to be full of romance and laughs. You were once deeply in love. Sometimes it's hard to understand how your relationship got to where it is now and what exactly happened over time.

There isn't a way to not do the work when you are searching for how to save marriage. But it doesn't have to be all hard work and serious conversations. There is one critical ingredient in saving your marriage that is probably missing for a long time. This guide will reveal this one crucial peace and how to implement it right away.

How to Save Marriage With These Critical Elements

When couples talk about saving a marriage, this is what they think it means:

Tense discussions about problems in their marriage; awkward silences; negative thoughts and emotions; hard efforts to develop communication; accusations and fights.

Does this motivate you to saving your marriage? I'm guessing NO.

It's true; all of these are critical elements if you want to save your marriage or relationship. But - there is one critical element that is missing here and without it will be almost impossible to succeed. The good news: This crucial peace of the puzzle is actually not exhausting at all!

The Crucial Element in Saving Your Marriage

The missing ingredient is...FUN!

Do you remember that word? Do you remember the times when your relationship was mostly fun? The survival of your relationships Demands It!

Fun has probably become a distant memory in light of recent events in your marriage. But in order to move forward as a couple, you and your partner need to rebuild the bond. If both of you focus on building By focusing on building good memories once again, the bad memories and negative feelings will start to lose their power on your relationship.

Here are some steps you can take to regain the fun back to your marriage:

Step #1 - Create a Date List

Instead of the usual tense atmosphere and the constant accusations, take a positive step: sit down and brainstorm date ideas, or separately think about 5 ideas and then combine the lists together.

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Step #2 - Choose One Idea and Plan the Date

Calendar the chosen date plan. Do it right now, mark it with ink. It's time for action. This will show both of your commitment to start building new and positive experiences.

Step #3 - Deciding to Put Aside Conflict for the Date

Even though you are going on "a date", it doesn't mean that all the negative thoughts have disappeared. Below the surface there is fire and you will probably contemplate what to discuss, how to behave and what to do on the date.

Agree that for this date, you both commit to relax, leave your conflicts behind and steer clear of "the hot buttons" in your relationship. You may be surprised by how much fun this date can be and how you can very easily fall back in love with your partner and him or her - with you.

This is just one part in your journey to saving your marriage. Other crucial steps need to be taken immediately if you really want to save your marriage and prevent a breakup or divorce.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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Author's Bio: 

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