Trust Between Husband Wife: Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken

The adage "Where there is no trust, there is no love" rings true in case of most marriages. Marriage provides enough scenarios where partners see each other at their weakest junctures and still trust each other not to take unfair advantage. Like all rewarding relationships, marriage calls for commitment and honesty on the part of both partners. Trust in a relationship does not come overnight. Rather it needs to be built by conscious and continuous actions.

Some tips which help build trust in a marriage are:

• Commitment: Both the partners in a marriage should be convinced that it is worthwhile to invest complete trust and commitment in the marriage.

• Trust yourself: Each partner should trust himself enough to allow the other access to his or her feelings and weaknesses. A strong sense of insecurity in self does not augur well for building trust in a partner. Investing your trust in another is a risk and one must have an awareness of the same.

• Let go of past experiences/beliefs: Most of our reactions are colored by our past beliefs and experiences. Each partner should endeavor to prevent irrational fears, assumptions or beliefs from affecting interactions with their spouse which is necessary for building trust in marriage.

• Establish clear agreements: In a relationship, the couple should establish clear agreements on their responsibilities and goals. Often enough, assumptions about what a partner will or will not do, leads to a breakdown of trust when expectations are not met.

• Address gaps in communication: Open channels of communication enable each partner to express their hopes, fears and expectations. Where channels of communication are open, better understanding of the partner invariably follows.

• Acceptance: Each partner in a marriage is an individual besides being one half of a couple. It is important to accept each individual as they are. Any attempt by the dominant partner to change or transform the submissive partner is resisted and results in loss of trust.

• Be predictable: Unpredictable behavior fosters insecurity and mistrust in a marriage. Once an agreement with a partner has been reached, each partner should endeavor to keep his or her behavior predictable. If not, the remaining partner seeks space in the relationship leading to conflict and mistrust.

• Be consistent: Once a partner has committed to a particular course of action, he or she needs to honor the commitment and be consistent in his or her actions. While a failure to keep to a promise may be overlooked once, persistent violation of an agreement leads to breakdown of trust.

• Accumulate trustworthy action: Our lives are made up of infinitesimal mundane actions. Trust in a marriage is invested by virtue of a multitude of trustworthy actions, no matter how small they are in their daily conduct.

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This is a position that most spouses find themselves in. You want to save your marriage, you believe there's a chance but everything you're doing to try and make amends doesn't seem to make any difference. You're spouse is still set on leaving, separating or even worse has already started taking steps to file for divorce and it's driving you absolutely crazy! You might think you're alone in this, but you're not. This is how most marriages in trouble start out, before the spouse whose willing to save it begins taking steps in the right direction that actually work. But, that is the key part, you have to start taking the right steps.

You see, if you're like any other couple in this position, you're most likely despite your best efforts doing all the wrong things and it's starting to add up against you. In fact, you may be making the whole idea of staying in the marriage far less attractive than what your spouse expects from leaving you. It's mainly because it's still just the same old you. The same old run down methods and tricks your spouse has seen half a dozen times already and he or she isn't falling for it.

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You have to radically change your approach if you intend to make any difference. But, where most struggling spouses fail is in learning what is necessary to make these drastic changes in your approach. I don't know if it's a case of macho attitude towards the idea of learning anything new about how you should go about saving your marriage or if it's a matter of cost involved in self-help books etc., but I can't stress how important it is to learn these things. If you don't know what you're doing or what types of actions will make things worse, then what chance do you really stand in saving your marriage without taking the time to learn these skills?

Just like anything else in life, when you need to know how to do something it's up to you to go out and learn how to do it or pick the brain of a seasoned professional. Sure you might be able to handle most things on your own or at least rig them to work for now, but this type of thinking doesn't work when it comes to saving your marriage.

You have to get on top of things right away, learn what it is that you're doing wrong and why everything you've done seems to backfire so you can eliminate those things. Proven methods and guided action is what it takes to save your marriage, when everything else you've tried already isn't working. If you're ready to take that next step, keep reading to learn more about what you could do to save your marriage.

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It is often the women who are the runners from one worry to another. Whether it is the umpteen things to be done that day, or what needs to be taken care of the next. Worrying stems from events in the past or future, but it is not present in the present.

All of us want nothing more than to be the best mom and wife possible. The problem is, this task never makes it on to our to do list, therefore, there seems to be more pressing things to do first. Since it doesn't appear on our list, it never gets accomplished.

Sometimes, I know that my husband will approach me very lovingly and touch me or kiss me in a way that I know he would like some of my attention. Often times, I am just too busy to give it to him. Isn't that sad? The most important person in my life, the man that I plan to be with until I die, and I can't spare some time to be affectionate, to show him the love that he needs, he deserves.

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In my opinion, women need to begin to live in the present and stop trying to plan everything out. To spontaneous, you can't plan it, and we all say we wish our husbands were more spontaneous, but only if it fits into our plans. That defeats the whole idea of spontaneity.

As women, we really need to learn to live in the moment. The list of things to do is never ending and therefore can't take precedence over all else, especially over our husbands. Is it no wonder that so many couples need to seek out marriage counseling? We really need to prioritize and our husbands should be on the very top of our list.

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Many people often question, does marriage counseling really work? There is no set answer for this question. For some, it can prove beneficial and actually have a positive outcome. For others, it can have the complete opposite results. There is a lot that needs to be considered when trying to determine if marriage counseling will be a good option for a troubled marriage.

One of those things is whether or not both spouses are willing to go through marriage counseling. There may be one spouse willing to take it serious and the other spouse not wanting to go through with it. If a married couple in this situation where to try marriage counseling, it may not work for them. As the popular saying goes, it takes two to make a marriage work. This is also true for marriage counseling.

Another thing to consider when trying to figure out if marriage counseling will work for the marriage is how the marriage is currently coming along. Have the problems in the marriage gotten to the point where there is little chance of fixing? Is the love still present in the marriage? Is there a chance that one or both spouses are not set on trying to come to a possible solution to fix the problems and save the marriage? Sometimes married couples present a lot of signs that would point to counseling not being successful such as not being in love, having severe problems, and not wanting to find a solution to fix the problems they have.

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Those that go into marriage counseling wanting to know the things that can help them save their marriage and are willing to make changes in order to fix their problems, have a higher chance of success. There are also those that don't wait around until their problems are so bad but seek help before it reaches that level. Loving one another also helps the counseling to be a success. There are also some other things that have been studied that shows some situations of counseling working better for certain groups than others.

According to some studies, it seems that marriage counseling works better for couples that are young and where neither party is sexist. It is believed that younger couples have a better chance of changing as opposed to older couples that might not be able to change as easily as older couples are more fixed on their ways. It is also believed that those who are sexist will not take marriage counseling well as they rely on roles that are gender specific which does not help the marriage.

There are a lot of things that can help determine if counseling is right for you. So if you find yourself questioning does marriage counseling work, take a look at your current marriage situation and use the above information to help you determine if counseling would be right for your marriage. It may not work for everybody but it can work for others.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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Author's Bio: 

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