How To Save A Marriage On Brink Of Divorce: Things To Do To Save A Marriage

Have you ever thought about divorce or how to save your marriage today from frustration, disappointment and feeling of hopelessness? Considering that over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce odds are that you have.

I commend you for not acting on your feelings and instead searching for ways to save your marriage or make it better. Marriage does take work and as you know sometimes it's not a 50/50 relationship. Sometimes one spouse seems to be more interested in improving the marriage than his or her spouse.

The odd thing is that although you may have very good reasons for wanting to improve or save your marriage, it might not be as obvious to your spouse. Some spouses see the glass as half full and their partner as half empty. Just ask a couple how married life is and you'll often-times get two different answers. One spouse will say it's great and couldn't be better. The other spouse will say "it's challenging, a lot of work and not how I imagined it would be".

Based on the responses you wonder if the folks are married to each other. So the question is how would you and your spouse answer this question? Is your relationship improving or getting worse? Very rarely do relationships stay the same because if it's not getting better the perception is that it's getting worse because frustrations increase and this causes distancing between the couple.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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Simple Advice To Save Your Marriage Today

Inspire change to happen - It's difficult to spend your time and energy trying to change your spouse and seeing no results. Instead of trying to change your spouse lead by example and become a master negotiator. Let your attitude, demeanor, words and deeds help your spouse want to meet you halfway and improve your marriage. This will require patience on your part because results may not be immediate. Most of the time marriage obstacles can be overcome by doing instead of demanding.

Tell your spouse what you need - Don't let your frustrations or the fact that you have tried and tried again to get your spouse to change get in the way of saving your marriage today. I know you think what you say goes in one ear and out the other.

The key is to make sure you get what you need and not what you want. For example, you may need your spouse to be more intimate with you and more often. This is important because quite honestly if you can't be intimate with your spouse then who can you be intimate with, your next door neighbor? You should be able to convince your spouse of the importance of meeting your needs to save your marriage today.

Use the "if we don't" words to save your marriage today. At some point your spouse may need to see clearly how important making changes can be to the relationship. The words "if we don't" have a pretty good way of making things clear. For example, "if we don't start spending more quality time together I'm afraid we will be divorced in the next 6 to 12 months". It's something that will definitely get your spouses attention. It's not a threat and even if it was I think it's worth doing. At least you are giving your spouse a chance to understand the importance of getting your needs met.

One important aspect in finding ways to save your marriage today is to separate your wants and needs. Spend some time and understand what you really need to improve your marriage. Work on getting those needs met. Don't waste energy and effort on stuff that's nice to have. Those will come along as an added benefit once you improve your marriage.

Sometimes it's hard to know how to resolve marriage problems when you have tried everything that you could think of. Don't lose hope or give up on your marriage yet. You may be one idea, tip or technique away from saving your marriage today.

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Communication.

Talking often with your partner about other issues that concern the both of you other than the kids, work and friends result in a better relationship in the long run. Keeping feelings bottled up for lack of time or a conducive environment to share is usually a breeding ground for losing intimacy in a relationship, drifting apart and finally divorce. Quality time for couples should be set aside deliberately like all the other daily activities are. At the same time when disagreements come into play, you should learn how to fight fairly to avoid worsening the situation. You should avoid personal criticism, shouting and withdrawing from the conversation. Instead you should seek to find out what is upsetting your partner by letting them vent and finding a remedy for the situation.

Showing affection.

You should learn your partner's love language. Does she respond well to gifts, touching, being listened to etc. This is different from what you think should work. Always show approval for good things done by either telling them or doing a thoughtful gesture. Research shows that men actually require to be affirmed more than women. As they say it's the little things we do that make the difference.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Keeping it fresh.

In order to avoid the boredom and monotony of everyday life, you should always try to come up with new and exciting ways to keep your relationship fresh. You can remember what was the burning fuel of your relationship when you were newly in love and start from there. For example if you are used to going to the same old restaurant, try a new one. You can also take a vacation somewhere and seek to try something new while you are there.

Taking Stock.

This simply means that the relationship you are in should have more positives than negatives. When you get into marriage, you go into it with expectations that it will meet some needs e.g. companionship. It' s always good to sometimes take time to reflect and see if your relationship is being steered in the right direction. This will always help you in finding out if there is a problem somewhere if you are not getting what you intended to get from the marriage.

Seeking help.

Some issues often prove to be more difficult to solve than others. If you find that you are fighting over one issue recurrently with no solution, maybe it is time to involve a third party. Such conflicts include finances and parenting decisions. You can always seek help from a counsellor on such matters before things get out of hand.

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We are rapidly approaching the end of the age and I believe the major attacks of the enemy are on the family and relationships. He knows that if he can weaken the family structure then everything else will fall more easily. Just like the twin towers.

Let's make this next year a better year for our families and then a better year for our churches as we effectively reach out to touch a lost and dying world.

1. You Must Remember Your Commitment.

If you ever begin to question your commitment you are headed for trouble. This is the personal foundation that helps to keep you grounded to God. Your commitment is "till death do us part."

Your vow was to God and to another much-loved person before a watching world.

It began by dreaming together, looking forward to things in life together...keep it up. You must be loyal to your companion not matter what. This involves caring more about what your partner thinks than what your friends think.

Believe you me, women seem to be very observant when you cater to another female's advice. Be careful.

2. You Must Maintain A Sincere Spiritual Commitment.

How can we do this?

We must keep right before God.
We must pray regularly for our companion.
We must pray together on a regular basis.
We must worship God together.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

3. You Must Seek to Know and Understand Your Companion at the Deepest Level.

It is a sad indictment but some go through life without really knowing each other.

Knowing your mate is one thing but seeking to understand them is another. Both are important. How can I get to know him/her?

a. Study your mate.
What is it that turns them on or off sexually?
What are their nonverbal signals?
What causes mood shifts?

b. Ask them questions.

c. Seek to understand what they need from you.

4. You Should Understand That You Nor Your Partner is Perfect.

It is sort of a relief when you realize that the marriage does not have to be perfect nor you as a partner. Nobody wants their marriage to fail.

Don't get caught up in taking everything that happens especially emotional explosions personally. Sometimes it is a mood problem or just letting off some steam.

Sometimes your companion may need a little space of left alone for awhile. Don't try forcing everything into a perfect mold.

6. You Should Want What Is Best For Your Companion.

Too often we would like to change our mates but the right focus should be what is right with my mate not what is wrong.

God has given to us our companion to work together as a team.

We must rely on each other's strength to help us through life.
Our goal should be to seek ways that we can serve him/her.

6. You Must Make Time To Communicate With Each Other.

We have already spent a lot of time of communication, but let me add just a few practical suggestions.

a. Take time to walk and talk together.
b. Travel together.
c. Call each other up when you have to be separated.
d. Listen to the sounds of your companion's heart, not just the words spoken.
e. Allow your companion to vent their emotions without feeling like you have to fix it quickly.
f. Be quick to settle any disagreements.
g. Practice talking rather than pouting.
h. Be quick to listen.
i. Be careful not to interrupt before they have completed their thoughts.
j. Be willing to wait patiently before you make your point.

7. You Should Live Life Together.

You ought to have some common interests.
Enjoy doing some of the same hobbies having some of the same friends.
Plan to do fun things together, like attending concerts, picnics, or whatever.

8. You Should Live Romantically, Not Just For Sex.

Romantic living is not just having sexual relations. It has to do with splurging once in awhile on each other.

It has to do with doing little things for each other that communicates a message such as "Thinking only of you," "Thought of you while I was away", or "You are the center of my universe."

Once in awhile, talk with a loving, tender, and caring tone in your voice. Stay away from the norm when you can and never have an angry, harsh, or bitter tone.

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9. You Should Learn From Other Happy Couples.

Look for couples who have been happily married for ten to twenty years longer than you to spend time with. Be open to have a relationship with someone who would be willing to give you wise counsel during difficult times.

Be aware of spending time with couples who do not have a growing, healthy, and happy marriage. Two couples we know would go on vacation together. On once occasion, they bumped into each other and embraced. On another occasion they were caught in bed together by his wife.

10. You Should Be Careful to Avoid Certain Things.

I know it is often meant in fun, but negative kidding should be avoided in your marriage.

This includes saying negative things that you don't really mean that hurt secretly and may do serious damage to the person's self confidence.

You must avoid ever having conditional love where you base your love on actions.

Never wait on your mate to meet your needs before you will meet their needs.

Never talk negative about your companion's parents to put them down. This does not mean that you should ignore problems, but be careful how you handle them.

CONCLUSION

I am sure the list could be much bigger, but I really believe that you have heard enough this weekend to make any bad marriage good, or weak marriage strong, or good marriage better. The question is, what are you going to do with the information you have received?

In my estimation, life is a choice. According to the Scriptures, life is a choice... choose ye this day whom ye will serve.

Well, this evening, the choice is before you. You can choose to take it home and put it on a shelf or take it home and work it into your life. There are two kinds of people in this world: those who make things happen or those who make excuses.

The choice is yours. You have to have the want to, to make your home and relationship strong enough by the power of God to remain true to Him. The longer you wait the harder the choice.

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Author's Bio: 

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