How To Save Your Marriage Without Saying A Word: How To Have A Successful Marriage

How in the world do you save your marriage today? You know how good your marriage used to be and how badly you desire to have a great marriage again but you just don't know how to get there. I can tell you that at some point in every marriage there are doubts and concerns about the future. For one reason or another, marriages can sometimes get stale or in many cases difficult, because couples tend to grow apart. Unfortunately, most of us haven't a clue where to start fixing our marriage. So let's take a look how you can begin to restore your marriage today.

Finding out how you and your spouse best learn is probably a good place to start on your journey to rebuild your marriage today. Some of us learn best by reading and applying what we learn right away. Then it's time to learn something new and implement that. For others they learn best by watching a video or listening to an audio series.

One of the important things to consider as you try to save your marriage is finding an effective way to learn how to change things. For example, if your spouse doesn't like to read then perhaps you can use some tools and techniques to share with him or her some of the steps you discover about strengthening your marriage, that if followed can transform your marriage. Handing your spouse a book to read hoping that it will keep your marriage together is probably not the best approach to take.

Once you begin to save your marriage you will find out that today and everyday thereafter seems easier and brighter. Once you decide that your marriage and relationship is too important to let go down the drain you will begin to make changes needed to save your marriage today. Do not take shortcuts or try to patch things over in hopes of magically saving your marriage. Also, there is no need to settle for less than a great marriage.

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It's important to note that saving your marriage today starts with you and ends with both of you together living and loving in matrimonial bliss. The key is starting today now. You will be amazed at how easily your marriage can be restored.

Tips To Save Your Marriage Today

Start With You - I'm sure your spouse has many faults and you probably believe if he or she changed their ways you would have a great marriage. However, there are many studies that suggest that the best place to start is by examining yourself and making changes you need to make. In many cases when your spouse sees something drastically different about you he or she will be curious and motivated to change his or her self.

Respect Your Spouse - When couples are struggling in the marriage it's very easy to lose respect for their spouse. Make it a priority to show respect and love for your spouse despite how difficult it may be. Try to refrain from making mean-spirited comments or treating him or her like a neighbor instead of the love of your life.

To recap for those looking to restore your marriage:

1. Find out the best method for you and your spouse to learn how to save your marriage today. Is reading, video, audio or perhaps interaction with other couples or a counselor the most effective way to learn?

2. Change yourself and watch your spouse begin to appreciate your efforts and soon see changes you both come to love and appreciate.

3. Respect your spouse at all times, despite the difficulties you are experiencing.

There are many ways to tackle the problems in your marriage. Don't let anything stop you from saving your marriage. The only thing that can stop you is you and your spouse.

Marriage isn't simple but it also doesn't have to be the most complicated frustrating experience of your life. Please get some marriage help today that can save your marriage.

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In this article we are going to share what I term the 'Ingredients' of love as applied in marriage.

WHAT ARE THE INGREDIENTS OF LOVE?

First of all let us look at what ingredients are generally. For instance, the ingredients of soup or the ingredients of stew what they are.

Ingredients of soup or stew are those items that when they are adequately applied in soup or stew bring out the taste and flavor as well as the color of the soup or stew. They are such things as fish, meat, onions, tomatoes, oil, salt, etc.

Soup will not have taste when there are no ingredients. And in the same vein, stew will not have the flavor and taste when there are no ingredients.

Another thing about ingredients is that even if they are applied, but not properly and adequately applied, the soup or stew will not bring out the required taste or flavor or color. Thus, it is one thing to have ingredients and apply them, it is another thing to apply them properly and adequately.

From the above explanation, we can go to ingredients of love.

Within the qualities of love are the ingredients of love. The ingredients of love help to make the qualities of love what they are. When the ingredients of love are properly applied, when they are adequately applied in our day to day life, in our relationship with our spouse, we begin to see and enjoy the sweet taste and flavor of love.

As we begin to see and enjoy the sweet taste and flavor of love, we now begin to benefit and experience the full taste of love and its flavor. You should note that it is only when these ingredients are properly and adequately applied in your relationship with your spouse that you will have the full taste and flavor of love.

When you love and you are loved, it blossoms in your life; it permeates through your whole being, and as it permeates through your whole being, it prolongs your life span as it heals your body, your soul and your spirit. Remember that God is Love. That is the mystery. Thus, you have God when you have Love. As you have love, you have Supernatural healing.

Let us now look at the individual ingredients of love and the practical applications of some or all of them, in general and in our relationship with our spouses in particular.

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They are:

1. Understanding each other.

2. Accommodating each other.

3. Tolerance.

4. Showing appreciation.

5. Caring.

6. Sharing.

7. Forgiveness.

8. Accepting ones fault and rendering apology.

9. Intimacy.

10. Trust.

11. Effective Communication.

12. Truthfulness.

13. Being faithful to each other.

14. Respect for each other.

15. Humility.

16. Patience and endurance.

17. Sacrifice.

18. Controlling one's anger.

19. Collective decision making.

UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER.

The need for spouses to cultivate the habit of showing understanding for each other especially when knotty issues arise cannot be over-emphasized.

In many cases what escalates crisis between spouses is when there is lack of understanding on things that concern one of them. Something that should have been amicably resolved is taken too far by one spouse. He or she refuses to show understanding on what should have been a simple case. Even when everybody concerned in the matter has decided to allow the matter to lie low or to forget about it, the one spouse would insist on his or her own stand, thereby stretching the matter to a crisis point. Spouses should know that it takes understanding for two people to live together in peace.

Let me dwell further on this question of understanding.

One problem is that many people fail to understand that nobody is perfect. And so, they refuse to show understanding, exhibit lack of patience and endurance, easily irritated and easily provoked. They show no tolerance and refuse to be accommodating. This situation brings serious problems among couples to the extent that the beauty, pleasure and happiness that marriage is meant to bring are lost.

On the other hand, some people's shortcomings and personality deficiencies are exhibited to the extremes beyond what an average human being can endure and tolerate or accommodate. They seem to be incorrigible.

Looking at the above opposing instances, I can safely say that men are mostly the culprits, (although I am not absolving women), especially where the man sees the spouse as a slave or servant, to be seen and not to be heard. He doesn't see the wife as a mate or partner. And so, the wife is not to have freedom to express her feelings, opinions and views about anything. When such is the case, the woman becomes frustrated and hates the husband but may not show it openly. This situation is still prevalent even in civilized communities although it is more prevalent in the uncivilized world.
Sometimes cultures and religion can be the cause of this.

I do not mean that the woman should lord it over the husband, insist on her own opinions and views. No, the woman should be listened to and where her opinions are reasonable (of course many a time they are), the man should consider them and make better use of them. It is a common knowledge that many men have died by accidents or as a result of poisoning by some enemies for not listening to the advice or warnings of their wife.

Showing understanding will create an atmosphere of peace and harmony between husbands and wives.

ACCOMMODATING EACH OTHER.

Spouses should make room to accommodate each other. I want to let you know that focusing your eyes only on the negative side of the character of your spouse is bound to bring rancor, disagreements and hatred in your relationship with him or her. If you really mean to love, the secret is to concentrate more on the positive side of your spouse's character, tell him or her that you appreciate it, and you will be surprised that you will be getting the best from him or her. And that might lead to your forgetting or ignoring his or her negative side.

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You may wish to be reminded or told that there are shortcomings that can be stopped by mere decision or strong will power. There are shortcomings, weaknesses or personality deficiencies that are in-born which can be ignored or accommodated depending on the extent or its seriousness. There are those that can be stopped by practice or training or persuasion. There are also shortcomings or weaknesses that require serious prayers to stop. Everything is just possible with God where you believe the existence of God.
Whichever is the case, accommodating your spouse is very necessary and it is rewarding.

TOLERANCE.

Next or similar to accommodating each other is tolerating each other in marriage. Tolerance means where you may not very much like something or somebody, yet you allow that thing to continue happening or that somebody to continue staying with you, as the case may be. Because we have differences in character and behavior or reasoning, we need to tolerate each other for there to be peace and harmony. Since there are differences arising from religious, tribal, cultural, educational, and family backgrounds, there is need for spouses to tolerate each other. At the initial stage of marriage, especially the first and second years of marriage, spouses should take time to study each other. Within this period, they should give themselves to tolerating each other until they master themselves thoroughly. Even after mastering themselves, tolerance will still be required throughout the life time of the couple for there to be continuous peace and harmony.

The truth, however, is that some people's new personality traits and deficiencies, especially women, continue to manifest themselves on yearly basis or from time to time even after many years of marriage such that only tolerance can help to ameliorate whatever the heartache that would be resulting from it.

Assuming that you happen to marry someone who has a serious internal disease, or while you are married, he or she developed an internal disease, you need tolerance to be able to live with him or her while you continue to pray to God for his or her healing as you continue to go for medical treatment. What if your spouse has been declared by medical doctors to be impotent, infertile or barren? Do you have to fight or quarrel with him or her? Do you hate him or her? Do you have to separate from him or her? Do you have to divorce him or her? NO and NO. You tolerate him or her. If you believe that with God all things are possible, then you give yourselves to fervent prayers.

I know that there are people who don't care about God. There are people who don't even pray to God. But I want to let you know that there is a Supernatural Power that created you and me. The whole arrangement of creation presents clear evidence about the existence of God and His power.
You may even wish to adopt a child if you cannot wait any longer for your own to come.

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But note testimonies and evidences abound where a person has been declared infertile or impotent by medical doctors and yet after prayers, God answered their prayers by giving them not just a child, but children. You too, cannot be an exception.

Tolerance can make for togetherness and harmonious living with your spouse. Tolerate the nagging habits of your spouse where he or she is the type. However, nagging can be stopped where understanding comes in. Husbands should tolerate the unusual behaviors of and strange actions of their pregnant or nursing wife. Wives on the other hand should tolerate the unusual actions of their husband when under financial pressure. Spouses should tolerate the time wasting nature of their spouse and even do something to help at that material time, although women are very well known for their time wasting nature especially when going out with them.

SHOWING APPRECIATION.

Appreciation is one of the ingredients of love. It is only an evil minded person that does not appreciate good things. It is only an evil minded person that does not appreciate hard work or anything done with love no matter how little that thing seems.

They say that if you praise the doer, he will do more. Spouses should learn to commend and appreciate one another for any successes, achievements and good things done by the other spouse. This will go a long way to motivating the spouse into doing more. A husband should commend and appreciate his spouse for good meals, good dressing, beautiful appearance of the wife and her other actions and achievements in any life's endeavor.

A wife should appreciate her spouse for gifts, public activities (if any), purchases made for the family, academic or professional successes, provisions for the family and other achievements in life.

Do not blame your spouse for any occasional failures; rather give words of encouragement and advice. By all means avoid comparing your spouse with others. Do not rebuke or correct your spouse publicly.

Spouses should also appreciate the unique nature, the special physique, the efforts, and the spiritual gifts, intellectual and academic gifts of their spouse given to them by God as well as the material gifts given to them by their spouse.

I have given detailed explanations on 4 of the 19 INGREDIENTS OF LOVE. The rest will now be easy for anybody to understand even without further explanations.

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Author's Bio: 

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