How To Save A Marriage When Only One Is Trying: How Can I Save My Marriage When I Am The Only One Trying

Searching for ways to rescue a failed marriage takes great strength and diligence. It can be confusing at times because in your heart you want to save a broken marriage but in your mind, you are wondering if your marriage can be rescued. Well, I would suggest that you follow your heart and do whatever you can to save your failed marriage.

Once you have convinced yourself that it's worth saving your marriage it will be easier to find strength you need to put forth your best effort to save your marriage. Therefore, make sure that your mind and heart are on the same page.

Steps to Rescuing a Failed Marriage

Step 1 - Dig into your marriage a little bit and confirm what's sinking your marriage. Look beyond the obvious and clarify what's really causing you and the love of your life to be going in opposite directions.

Step 2 - Prioritize the problems you need to address in fixing your failed marriage. Then determine which problems can be fixed immediately and which ones will take months or years to address. If you have some minor problems that you can address quickly which will allow you to focus on the more serious ones later, get rid of these first. It will help build up momentum and faith that your failed marriage can be saved if you begin to have successes in overcoming some problems.

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Step 3 - Have an open and honest discussion about the problems in your marriage. It's important to be transparent with your spouse and let him or her know how you feel about the marriage you believe has failed. Please remember that honesty doesn't mean you need to say whatever is on your mind. Don't lay all the blame on your spouse for the marriage problems you have. Make sure you share in the failures and successes in you marriage.

Step 4 - Agree to fight fairly. There may be some things that your spouse has done that frustrates and angers you. Please resist the urge to bring up stuff from the past that you know will hurt your spouse. If you do you run the risk of pushing your spouse further away and make it more challenging to rescue your failed marriage.

Step 5 - Apologize for things you have done or not done. If you are honest with yourself you have probably had a hand in destroying your marriage. Think about the key areas in your marriage where you have let your spouse down. Discuss these with your spouse and let him or her know how sorry you are for not meeting their needs in these areas.

Step 6 - Forgive your spouse, when he or she needs forgiving. As you work on fixing your failed marriage your spouse will no doubt ask you for forgiveness. Make sure when you say "I forgive you" it's not just words you say because it's the right thing to say. Your attitude and actions must back up your "I forgive you".

Step 7 - Commit to not fighting for at least the 30 days. Fighting in a failed marriage often times can get so out of control that things are said and done that make divorce seem more and more likely. It doesn't mean you can or will agree on everything. However, there is no benefit in yelling, nasty sarcasm or storming out of the room or house. Treat each other with kindness and gentleness for the next 30 days and your failed marriage may turn around faster than you imagined.

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Everyone needs some type of attention and love sent their way on a regular basis in order to keep growing, this is also true of our marriages and relationships. But as people tend to do with most things, attention is not paid to the marriage until there is a problem. There are better ways to go about giving your marriage the attention it needs.

Both your spouse and your marriage require attention on an ongoing basis to help it be healthy. Don't wait until there is a problem happening to turn your attention to the marriage. You should spend the time every day to nurture your relationship. Below is some simple advice about helping everything stay happy.

Say I Love You. Take every opportunity to tell your spouse you love them and to show them that you love them. Don't allow a day to pass without expressing your love for them. Random Acts of Kindness. Be sure to do something kind everyday for your spouse. Whether that is helping them with a project around the house, taking them out to a special dinner, or letting them sleep in while you drive the kids to school, find a special way to let them know that you care. Don't Fight. Disagreements will happen, but always work to find the real issues and resolve them, and whatever you do don't go to bed angry.

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Respect Each Other. Respecting each other as a person and respect for the marriage is essential, be polite, talk with kindness. Pull Together. You may have differing approaches to common issues as to running a household or raising children, but if you try to work together it will be more beneficial. The house will run smoother and so will your marriage.

These pieces of advice point all point to the same thing, take time for your marriage, spend the effort it takes to speak to your spouse, let them know what you think and feel, ask what they feel. This will be the effort that makes your marriage last and be happy over the long haul.

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"All things were created by Him and for Him...and in Him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:16b-17a). Having a successful marriage first requires you to understand what God had in mind for marriage. After all, If you want to understand the purpose behind an invention, you consult the One who invented it, right!

Since marriage is God's creation, He is in the saving marriages business. God created marriage for three very specific reasons, just like He created you, for very specific reasons. Our lives are more satisfying when we cooperate with God in fulfilling our purposes. Marriage is no exception...

First, you've probably learned that men and women were made in God's image (Gen. 1:26-27). But, did you know that within the marriage relationship husbands and wives also bear the image of God? They do this by demonstrating love and faithfulness to each other...like God does with us. You see, God covenants with His people, husbands and wives covenant to each other and God. So marriage was created to reflect God's faithfulness in the world.

The second reason God created marriage was to meet human needs. Needs for food, shelter and clothing as well as needs for love, acceptance, intimacy, and faithfulness. In that way marriage is a picture to the world of how God provides for His people.

Marriage is God's conduit for love. It was designed to be a safe harbor where a man and a woman could be totally naked and unashamed. A place where they could experience the unconditional love and acceptance of God through each other.

Third, marriage is one of the ways God expands His Kingdom and accomplishes His work in the earth. He commanded men and women to go forth and multiply, be fruitful and take dominion over the earth(Genesis 1:28).
Unfortunately, it is very difficult to do as God commanded when you are at odds with your spouse. Conflict drains our emotional and creative energies. Sadly, many husbands and wives feel like they are sleeping with the enemy instead of with their comrade in arms.

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Marriage was designed with unity in mind. When a husband and wife are on the same page, so to speak, they are reflecting the unity of the Godhead. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Unity is so important that Jesus told us it would be a great sign to the world testifying that He truly is the Son of God (John 17:23).

Okay, now you have the general idea God had in mind when He designed marriage, but saving marriage requires a plan.

First, you need to decide, once and for all, are you going to commit to honoring God through your marriage. Are you going to do it God's way? Are you going to trust His word, His plan and His design? If you answered yes, let's move on...

If you're making a plan to improve or save your marriage you need to start out on the right foot. That means getting right with God and your spouse first! To get right requires humility. It requires taking responsibility for the negative, sinful things you have contributed to your marriage without justifying yourself or blaming your spouse.

Confession of sin can be a turning point in our lives. It means we are in agreement with God about our sin and we are choosing to turn away from it. When we do this, God's word promises to give us the power to accomplish that. Some of the things you may want to consider confessing are: the ways in which you have not trusted and honored God, the ways you have not obeyed His word, the consequences of your choices to you, your spouse and your marriage.

Exercising humility is a crucial part of any saving marriages plan. Making confession of sin a regular part of your marriage will keep you humble and help to maintain emotional intimacy. Apologies go a long way in keeping our hearts pliable and loving towards our spouse and God.

The next step in the saving marriages blueprint is making a plan for knowing your spouse's most important needs. You also must become intentional about meeting those needs. Your spouse will feel more connected and in love with you when you are meeting his/her most important emotional needs.

Regular prayer is necessary for a successful marriage. Pray that God would show His love and faithfulness to your spouse through you. Prayer is how we experience the personal relationship we have with God through Christ. It is also where we avail ourselves to the grace of God. Therefore, your plan for saving marriage must include daily prayer for your spouse and your ability to love them.

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A marriage that reflects God's image is a safe marriage. God is our refuge, therefore your marriage should be a refuge for both you and your spouse. A safe relationship is one where both husband and wife feel accepted even if there are disagreements. A plan for saving marriages needs to include a plan for safety. Neither spouse should ever have to worry about the proverbial nuclear bomb being dropped on them!

That's why a plan for saving marriages must address conflict. Your marriage can be free from condemnation, contempt, critical attitudes and defensiveness. It's your choice! It can be a place where you are quick to take responsibility for your own actions and slow to point your finger of blame. It is not, however, a marriage that is free from conflict. But, yours can be a marriage where both parties fight fair.

Finally, your saving marriages plan needs to include specific goals, goals that are written down. After all, God wrote down His plan...we call it the Bible! Isn't that a good enough reason for you to write down your plan for your marriage. Written goals are powerful. They help move a plan into motion.

Keep in mind, your goals need to be consistent with God's purpose for your marriage. Your goals will help you stay on track and give more purpose, meaning and direction to your marriage and family life. You may want to have goals in the following areas: Spiritual (we will study and pray together regularly), parenting (we will always be unified when disciplining the children), finances ( we will decide on a budget and stick to it), health (we will exercise regularly and eat right), communication (we will speak lovingly and respectfully to one another).

Well, that should be enough to get you started developing your own personal saving marriages plan. Remember, the Creator of marriage is in the business of saving marriages. Put your hope in the Lord for with Him is unfailing love and full redemption (Psalm 130:7).

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Author's Bio: 

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