How To Spice Things Up With Your Husband: How To Keep Your Marriage Spicy
You are past the infatuation stage of your marriage and find that most of your time is consumed with parental, academic, and/or professional responsibilities-which gives you very little time for personal interests. As a result, each day becomes an exhausting routine that leaves you unmotivated, discouraged, and uninterested in anything-especially romance. Before long, your marriage has become a dead existence. But if done consistently, there are 6 ways to ignite the fire and spice up your marriage.
1. Communication
Communication is an integral part of any relationship-especially marriage. However, many find it difficult to effectively communicate due to several reasons. For example, there may be some unresolved issues, fear of rejection, or loss of trust. Although these problems raise serious concerns, lack of communication can cause them to become worse. Neil and Samahria Kaufman, founders of the Option Institute, a nonprofit, educational organization that focuses on self-improvement, conducted a survey and reported that the average life span of a live-in relationship is three years, and eighty-seven percent of women who were surveyed ranked communication as a very important component in a relationship. Of this number thirty-seven percent described their relationships as strained with no substantial reason regarding why. Despite this, effective communication can be initiated in a way that is designed to heal even the most strained relationships.
1. Timing is everything. Avoid serious conversation during rest and leisure.
2. Avoid the "blame game". Be honest and open about your relationship
3. Emphatically listen. Do not mentally argue.
4. Monitor your tone
5. Apologize when necessary
6. Pay attention to nonverbal clues (e.g. rolling eyes, heavy breathing, and etc).
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2. Change Your Scenery
Breaking the monotony and changing your scenery by visiting places that are both breathtaking and exotic fosters a sense of romance and adventure. It also gives couples uninterrupted time to reconnect while decreasing stress. Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D, and Professor of Psychology wrote an article in Psychology Today that confirms the importance of vacations. One of the major benefits of a vacation is its ability to break the stress cycle. Ultimately, this is believed to help prevent chronic stress which is often a contributing factor to low resistance to fight infections.
3. Create Intimate, Romantic Moments
Many people make this more complicated than it seems but creating romantic moments can be quite simple. For example, this may include taking picnics, excursions, a visit to the mountains, or breakfast in bed. These moments should not be forced. Instead, they should be authentic, private, and tailored to please your spouse.
4. Sexual Healing
The power of touch is amazing! Intimate touching strengthens and solidifies a relationship. Not only that, it has some wonderful health benefits. WebMD reports that people who have sex regularly have higher levels of what defends your body from germs and viruses. According to Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD and sexual expert, those who are sexually active have fewer sick days. Other benefits include lower blood pressure, balanced estrogen and testosterone levels, and decrease chance of getting heart disease. Not only is sex healthy, but it fosters a deeper emotional connection.
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5. Take an interest
What better way is there to reignite romance than to reacquaint yourself with your spouse? Oftentimes, relationships are stale because either one or both parties fail to show concern for the other. Showing genuine concern is a small act of kindness that produces positive results in any relationship. In fact, studies have proven that this factor can significantly change the course of a relationship and make it more successful. In contrast, couples who do not take an interest in their spouse risk breakdown in communication that can create walls of distrust and isolation.
6. Spend Quality Time
It is difficult to claim a healthy relationship if quality time is never spent. Quality time is defined differently for many, but the overall purpose should be to reaffirm and reconnect you to your spouse. Spending quality is an intentional, consistent effort that must be made throughout the life of a relationship. Without it, you lose a sense of purpose.
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The way we use words can be very confusing at times, as those who have learned English as a second language can surely testify. The same word is sometimes used to convey several different meanings. For instance, we love our spouse; family; job; our favorite sports team; a new shirt or blouse; a favorite flavor of ice cream; chocolate in any form; etc. Hopefully, we do not love all of them in the same way or to the same degree.
The Greek language has three different words representing three different kinds of love. In English, we are stuck with three different dictionary definitions for love: 1) A strong affection or liking for someone or something. 2) A passionate affection for one of the opposite sex. 3) The object of such affection. You could make a strong case that each time we say "I love... " it is covered by one of the first two definitions because we are describing our feelings, emotions or affections.
In 2004, after 41 years of marriage, Carol and I renewed our wedding vows in the old Wilderness Church in Branson, Missouri. As we approached the altar it occurred to me that when a bride and groom vow to love each other until death parts them, those dictionary definitions no longer work. How can you promise to have affection (feeling or emotion) for the rest of your life? It's impossible! Feelings and moods constantly change. It is a recipe for failure.
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After we renewed our promises to each other that wise old parson asked us to make a promise to him. "When you get back home I want you to set aside time away from all interruptions and distractions and read together the thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians." We promised to do it and we kept that promise. The chapter begins by describing how important love is. Then it provides a definition of love that I can vow to keep in spite of my feelings. It is a definition of love that makes it possible for a marriage to survive and thrive until death. That definition reads, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (New International Version)
I return to those words often, to remain focused on how to demonstrate my love to my precious wife. When one partner in a marriage meets that definition of love, it is bound to deeply affect the other. But when both meet it, there is nothing that can damage their union. I believe it is because that is also the definition of God's love for us.
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My wife and I were born married.
At least it seems like that.
Actually we have only been married for fifty-five years.
From our marriage we have generated 41 persons with the help of our kids and grand kids. My son was here this weekend with his wife and one of his daughters. She brought her son of three weeks who was eleven pounds at birth. He was dressed in overalls.
I learned about marriage from my parents as did most all of us. My parents lived in a fairytale world where love never ended. They never spoke an unkind word to each other in their sixty-six years of marriage. They worshiped each other. If they had differences, I never saw them. Despite the pressures of the Great Depression (in which I was born), they never wavered from their perfect devotion to each other.
Now my father's parents lived in a state of war. When they were old, the family had to spit them apart less they strangle each other. My father was a Welsh miner with a temper. My grandmother was an intellectual. They clashed!
So my dad's family life was not the thing that created his sterling performance in his own marriage. Maybe he just wanted to do the opposite of his parents. Many newlyweds decide to keep the improper actions and lousy attitudes of their parents out of their marriage. Good idea!
My mother lived in a better family environment than my father but she had to take over the welfare on her family when she was thirteen years old when her father died.
My mother's mother lost her husband in the Scofield Mine disaster in 1900 when a dust explosion followed by poisonous gases killed over 200 men. She quickly married another miner, my mother's father. She had to in order for her and her two children to survive.
The family moved between the Utah mining towns, my mother being born in Silver City, Utah in 1901. Even when her father was living, they had only the bare necessities of life.
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When the depression came, my parents were well prepared. They had lived in depression all of their lives. My father lived on the American frontier, facing extreme hardships while the family tried to succeed (but failed) in farming and ranching.
Hard times did not stop my parents from loving each other. It didn't cause them to scream and holler and scare the heck out of the kids. Their financial straits were old hat to them.
When I was eighteen years old, I was in the army and I had stripes. That is when I learned that I was an "expert" on marriage. A forty-two -year-old corporal came up to me and said, "Sergeant, I'm in trouble with my wife. I'm having a terrible time."
He was Hispanic so they are not his exact words. I asked him what was going on. After I heard his story, I said something like, "It's your entire fault. You have alienated her. If you want to regain her love, you had better start helping her around the house. You've got to help her do the dishes, scrub the floors, help with the kids and you have to do some favors for her. Take her out to dinner and be kind and considerate."
This man had just returned from a horrible experience in Korea. He didn't expect trouble when he got home. After all, he had been away for a long time. But it didn't take long for his troubles to begin.
A couple of weeks later, he came to me and said that I had given him the best advice possible. He and his wife were very happy and love had returned to their marriage. So, I guess I knew what I needed to know about a happy marriage.
When I returned from the Korea, I took a course on Courtship and Marriage at the University of Utah. In the course they taught us The 51% Rule. Each partner had to give 51% for a successful marriage. I guess I already knew that rule.
Now that my wife and I are old, we have to look out for each other. I'm the cook and she is the chief bottle washer. She doesn't allow me to do too many of the task that she use to do routinely but are now difficult for her. So, I have to do some things when she isn't looking.
Do you remember the rule?
Fly Old Glory!
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If you're intent on getting better at understanding men, this article will teach you an important concept to do with helping us when we're feeling down and out. We guys often let a dark mood get the better of us. Maybe it was a bad day after work. Maybe we didn't along with our colleagues or our boss. Maybe it was bad traffic. It's usually something petty and the last thing we want to come home to is an unsympathetic woman. There are a number of things the woman can do if she wants the man to get out of his bad mood, which I'll discuss below. Best of all, he will appreciate you more as a wife for helping him out.
1. White Paint
So, if we guys are in a dark mood, we want someone to lighten us up. We would love it if you slowly dabbed us with white paint to bring us back to a shade that isn't so dark.
Now obviously, your man might be confused if you literally bring out a bucket of paint and a paint brush. What I'm talking about is what you can do in terms of behaviour and actions to bring a smile back to his face.
What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?
To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!
2. Happiness
If you know your man well, you would know what makes him happy. Obviously there is a time and a place to try different things, but it's all about caring and making the effort to try and actually learn what he would want for different dark moods.
Maybe it's something as simple as a nice dinner. Maybe he wants to talk about it. Maybe he doesn't. Whatever the case, do what you have to do to help him out and he will appreciate you more for it.
3. Anger
This is a little bit harder to deal with. When you're angry, you usually want to be left alone. You don't want people trying to butt in and help. If you're in a dark, angry mood, it takes a bit more white paint to try and lighten him up.
The key is to let him lighten himself up first. If he's too dark, he won't respond to your efforts to lighten him up. Just be in tune with how he's feeling and when he's calmed down, that's when you go in to make him feel better.
For women who are interested in getting better at understanding men, coming in and lightening up your man when he's feeling blue (or black) is a key skill. If he's simply feeling down, help him get back up by choosing a suitable way to make him happy. If he's in a dark, angry mood, it's best you let him cool down before working your magic. The eventual result of this is a lot more respect and love for you for doing what you do best for him.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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