How To Survive Marriage Without Intimacy: Exactly How To Deal With No Intimacy In Marriage
Completely sexless and touch less! No kiss, no hug, no holding hands! Feelings of rejection, low esteem, anger, frustration, and resentment and desperation are overwhelming! Very depressed! Want out! Thinking of extramarital sex, separation, divorce!
Starting out as a happy couple, passionately in love and having sex every other day anytime, anywhere, you have now become just miserable roommates or even worse, housemates - sleeping in separate bedrooms. After a couple of years, the feeling of euphoria which at the start seemed endless starts to diminish and the relationship takes a downward turn. From passionate steamy sex, then to occasional "duty sex" (with the "just do it and get it over with" attitude) and until sex completely vanishes from your marriage. Even hugs, kisses and holding hands disappear! You are now living in a sexless marriage!
Statistics indicate that there are millions of husbands and wives who are living in sexless marriages and surprisingly, rather than going to a marriage counselor, more and more are joining online forums confessing their troubled relationships and miserable sex lives and seeking for help, advice, and support. Sexless marriage is increasingly becoming a very hot topic in these online forums. Check out one of these forums and you will discover that you are definitely not alone!
Definition of Sexless Marriage
The experts define sexless marriage as having sex less than 10 times a year. I personally do not subscribe to this definition. A couple can have sex 9 times in a year or less and still have a happy marriage. It is a very subjective matter. It depends on the individual couple, what level of intimacy they feel contented with. There is no fix dosage to have a happy sex life. I would rather take the word literally - meaning no sex at all - and alarmingly, there a millions of couples who are living in marriages completely devoid of sex, and even touch!
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Root Cause of Your Sexless Marriage
Why did your marriage turn from "sex filled" to "sexless" after a couple of years? What is the root cause? To fix your sexless marriage, it is important to find out and understand the root cause. Your or your partner's lack of sexual desire is just a symptom of much deeper problem built up over time. Your sexless marriage did not happen overnight. Stop blaming each other and jumping into any conclusion. It is not the lack of love or infidelity. Your spouse is not cheating on you. In fact he or she is suffering in silence to save your marriage.
The root cause of your sexless marriage is - the breakdown of your intimate relationship. Yes, your sexless marriage is the result of the loss of intimacy between you and your spouse! Intimacy leads to mutually pleasurable sex and good sex strengthens the emotional connection, bonding and partnership so vital in a happy marriage. Sex does not precede intimacy. Without intimacy there can be no meaningful sex. That is the simple truth!
The loss of intimacy between you and your spouse can be caused by any or all of the following:
- Hectic lifestyle. You and your spouse work yourselves to death and you come home both dead tired leaving no
time at all to enjoy each other's company. More often than not, you get into each other's nerve and end up arguing over very trivial matters before hitting the sack.
- Money. Financial problems can be very stressful and cause either you or your partner to lose sight of more
important aspects of your married life.
- Children. Your wife is so focused on being a mother and is most often fatigued and sleep deprived. Sleep becomes
her main concern every night!
- Unresolved misunderstandings. Past faults not forgotten and forgiven.
- Lack of communication. The ability to express and convey your feeling, emotions and thoughts as well as to
absorb your spouse's feelings, emotions and thoughts. Communication is a two way street. Not only must you be a good talker but more important, you must be a good listener!
Knowing the root cause of your sexless marriage, you must act fast to address it before it leads to more serious scenarios like infidelity, separation or divorce and even domestic violence. It is extremely tough to survive a sexless marriage, of being rejected and ignored sexually.
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Practical Steps to Fix Your Sexless Marriage
Here are some practical steps you can take to restore the intimacy you once had with your spouse and revive your super steamy sex life:
1. Take the first step and re-establish a good line of communication with your spouse. The repair work must be a joint effort. Talk and listen! Put yourself in your spouse's shoes and look at the problem from his or her point of view. Convey this to your spouse with humility and surely he or she will most likely reciprocate.
2. Take time out of your busy schedules and daily routine. Ideally, you should both take a few days off from work and have that much needed vacation. But even just one day would be sufficient. Or even just dining out or going to the movies together would greatly help to restore your lost intimacy. The important thing is frequency, at least once week. Just the two of you, no kids, no friends, no family.
3. Every now and then surprise your spouse with a tender hug, a quick kiss or any kind of tender loving touch.
4. You may even need to start from square one and again woo your spouse just like the first time you felt attracted to him or her. As they say, love is lovelier the second time around (indeed, it is!). So, try to fall in love all over again.
5. Before going to bed, take a warm bath and take extra measure to look and smell good.
If your take these practical steps, intimacy, romance and passion will slowly come back to your marriage and then, guess what - great sex! Your sexless marriage if fixed! Your marriage saved! Congratulations!
Pay Close Attention Here-
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You may be looking to save your marriage and simply do not know where to start. The one thing that you know is that you want to keep your husband, and get the best of happiness and love with him, and from him as well.
Here are a few tips that will help you save your relationship and get your husband on the same page as you towards a happy marriage.
1) Do things together. You can make chores such as shopping for groceries and hardware seem like a joy-ride just by deciding to enjoy that given time with your husband. When you make the conscious decision to take on responsibilities with a friendly and light-hearted disposition, your husband will want to unwind with you as well. Treat everyday tasks like absolute necessities that must be taken care of, and you will see yourself being done with them earlier, giving you more time with your spouse.
2) Do something new. Pick a new sport, hobby, social cause, or even jogging route and make it a point to do what you enjoy the first thing in the morning. This may mean that you have to wake up earlier than you usually do, or go to bed before anyone else does at night. The sheer newness of the routine and the excitement of doing something you enjoy the first thing in the morning will give you the power surge for the rest of the day. Positive energy spreads faster than negative vibes, and the favorable impact of doing something for yourself will prove contagious for your husband, since you will be filled with new things to talk about and also have a diverse outlook on your everyday routine. If you want to give your marriage a breath of fresh air, you must start by taking one yourself!
3) Be happy or be right. You must decide what matters to you more from this day forth in your marriage. Being right in an argument may risk your husband's feelings or self esteem. Having the last word holds a short-lived satisfaction that is nominal compared to the journey of sentiments and achievements that you share with your spouse. You will find it easier to give in to a winding conversation with a smile, and your husband will appreciate your regard for his word as well.
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Jack is an example of doing everything wrong in a marriage.
He was always late whenever he and his wife went somewhere. He would forget his wife's birthday, and even their anniversary. He simply gave the impression that he did not care. Then he wondered why his wife would get upset with him.
Jack missed an important principle for a successful marriage. Now this is the principle Jack missed year after year. Jack failed to understand that a successful marriage means attention to the details. What are the details that Jack missed? The details that communicate that I love you and care about you.
1. If you love someone then you know their likes and dislikes. A person who knows me knows that I do not like rock music. They know that I like classical music. They know that I especially like brass band music, and they know that I like jazz from time to time. My wife would never give me tickets to a rock concert for my birthday. She knows my likes and dislikes.
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2. If you love someone then you know your spouse's special days. Perhaps you do not have a lot of money. But at least you can remember your spouse's birthday. Now this is what you want to communicate on your spouse's special day. "I am glad you are here, and I am glad we are together."
3. If you love someone then you know their needs. It would be a terrible thing if a man had a serious health problem, but his wife always cooked meals that made his health worse. Such actions communicate a lack of concern for someone's special needs.
4. If you love someone then you take time to be with them. As you talk you do not constantly check your email. You put everything aside. You give them your full attention to your spouse. You listen deeply to their concerns, and you listen to how they feel.
A person with a successful marriage does not do everything perfect. But they pay attention to the details. They pay attention to the details their spouse is concern about. They identify those concerns, and they remember those concerns. They want to make sure their spouse knows that they are concern about the details of life.
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Are you looking for relationship breakdown advice? If so, you have come to the right place. First off, if you are experiencing problems with your relationship, know that you are not alone. There are millions of couples around the world that are having difficulties within their relationship. Also, know that repairing your relationship is not out of reach. Although relationships do not heal themselves overnight, they can heal if you are willing to work at them.
If you are involved in a relationship that is failing, you know how painful the experience can be. Separating from your partner can be extremely devastating, often reaching the same level of hurt as losing a loved one. Broken relationships can cause a wide variety of negative emotions including confusion, depression, anger, and hopelessness. If you are experiencing feelings of hopelessness, let them go. There is hope. If you are willing to work at your relationship, it is not doomed to fail. With hard work and time, any relationship can be rebuilt.
What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time
The first step in healing your relationship is understanding why it is failing in the first place. There are many reasons that a relationship can result in failure. Most of the time, however, a relationship begins to fail because one partner is not getting everything that they need from the other partner. Many times, these needs are not even communicated and the other partner does not even realize that anything is wrong. The problem, therefore, is ignored and eventually becomes magnified to the point where it begins destroying the relationship.
It is only once you have determined the cause of your relationship failure that you can begin to heal the relationship. If you don't know where to begin in understanding your relationship problems, there are many programs available to help guide you. Relationship programs will give you the information that you and your partner need to help you gain the understanding of where your relationship went wrong. A good program will not only get you communicating problems with your partner in an efficient manner, but will also provide you with relationship breakdown advice and with techniques that you can use to rebuild your relationship. Begin your search for a relationship rebuilding program today and begin looking at your spouse the same way you did on your wedding day!
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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