I Hate My Sexless Marriage: When Marriage Becomes Platonic And Sexless

A sexless marriage is a tragedy for both partners, the one who wants sex and feels rejected and the one who has lost his or her interest in sex. Living in a sexless marriage is hard due to the constant sense of discomfort between the 2 partners. Although some sexless marriages go on for years, there is a heightened risk that the lack of sex will lead to separation or divorce.

If looking for a sexless marriage solution, what are your options? I've come up with 4 courses of action that you can take.

Sexless Marriage Solution Options

1. Doing nothing - The reason why certain sexless marriages go on for years on years is that the couple does nothing to solve the problem. Now, counter to what intuition may say, the partner who still wants sex is the one who can and should do anything to reinvigorate his or her partner's sexual interest. Doing nothing will probably result in nothing. Sexless marriages aren't a phase a couple has to grow out of, it's a hole a couple has to climb out of by their own initiative and efforts. Unless you're content in your sexless marriage, the solution isn't to do nothing but hope.

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2. Go to counseling - Couple's therapy is indeed a viable solution to sexless marriages. If you find a good therapist this can be excellent. The only problem is that this can be a rather costly and long process, and also requires the active cooperation of your partner which may be difficult to get. You will also have to expose everything before this therapist in order to get the right sexless marriage advice.

3. Get a sexless marriage help book - There are several books and e-books on the market about sexless marriages. Most of them are either too psychological or make the mistake of addressing both women and men, though each of these cases is totally different, and so become quite useless. A sexless marriage e-book I did find useful is Get Him In The Mood by Kate Dixon. This is a guide for women is sexless relationships and it really gets to the core of the problem of having your husband lose his interest in sex and how to fix it. The best thing is that you don't need to elicit the involvement of your man to make this work. I know that Kate Dixon is also working on a similar book for men whose wives have lost their sexual interest, but so far, only Get Him In The Mood has been published.

4. Separate - The most extreme sexless marriage solution is, of course, to get a divorce. Then you will no longer be in your sexless marriage. This is an option, but it's a highly painful one. If you still love your partner, I suggest you strive to find a remedy for your sexless marriage before going to this extreme.

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When your partner is pulling away from you or wanting a divorce or separation, they are on the opposite side of any fence that they perceive you as being on.

What you need to do is go with them. In order to win them back to your side, you need to do the following:

First, stop pressuring, stop criticizing, stop complaining and stop whining. Give them room and space to think about the relationship. Sometimes what the other party needs is time and space. Be accommodating and understanding about their needs. This will make them feel good about you and reduce the possibility of a divorce.

Second, start agreeing with anything your partner says or does. Agree with their negative feelings. Please understand that when your partner asks for a divorce, he/she is actually in love with their negative feelings. The negative feelings are in control of their mind. If you try to reason with them, you are telling them that their negative feelings are wrong and that they are wrong. This would make them even more defensive and resistance towards you. So, if you want to stop the divorce, the wise thing to do is agree with and acknowledge their negative feelings - whatever these feelings are. If they say the relationship is hopeless, agree with them. If they say you are useless, just say yes. Do not try to defend or disagree with them. Just agree, sound sincere and say no more.

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Third, act perfectly happy about everything as it is. If you are in a separation on your spouse's request, enjoy your space and your freedom. Let your spouse know that they are correct or whatever feelings or intepretations they give to the relationship. Agree with them and act happy with whatever they are asking from you.

The key of the above is consistency and persistence. You cannot do the above for a week or so and then switch back to the old self, pressuring, complaining, disagreeing all the time. If you do that, the above strategies would never work to stop the divorce. You have to mean what you say and do as you preach. Do not act happy on one day and act pressuring on the next.

The above does not mean that you must have no contact at all with your spouse. If you are staying away from each other, you may still call and say hi. Do some small talk and happy talk. Try not to get into serious talk. Serious talk normally hurts a relationship. A small talk, friendly talk would be good to put your spouse at ease and feel more comfortable and receptive of you. That would certainly help to salvage the marriage.

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Your decision to save your marriage is a marked brave one, since it takes very tough mettle to even admit that her marriage needs saving to begin with. Your acceptance that your marriage has space for improvement that relies on your personal actions is half the task done. Following are some basic steps that will help you make concrete progress in your relationship with your husband.

1) Own up to the things going wrong in your marriage. It is easier to accept your mistake and fix it, than to prove your husband wrong. You are only in complete control of what you think and how you live your part of the relationship. Thinking that your husband can improve as well will prove to be exhausting as it means you being in two heads and bodies at once. It will also be double the time and effort to make him realize his mistakes, at the risk of him not understanding completely at the end. Take responsibility for all the things that require a boost and you will be filled with ideas and ways to start.

2) Say what you mean, and mean what you say. A key cause of dischord in a marriage is the lack of communication between a husband and wife. You can bridge this gap by speaking to your husband directly, in a frank manner. Let him know when you appreciate him, and let him know when you get hurt in direct and brief sentences. You are doing your marriage a great favor when you are saving your husband the worry of having to guess what you mean by hints and loaded questions. The best way to get your husband to act upon your likes and dislikes, is to let him know directly. Once you show comfort in opening up to him verbally, he will feel the same.

3) Put your best foot forward and take his hand. A very important step in the rebuilding of your marriage is to accept and praise your husband when he takes a step towards you and a healthy relationship. Encourage your husband opening up to you with praise, a smile or even silence, where necessary. When you are receptive towards his obvious struggle, he will see the humanness and dedication involved in fixing a broken relationship and will feel more confident with each passing day. Your personal sense of calm when he approaches you on tiptoe will encourage him to take bigger steps towards you.

The initiative to save your marriage is yours, and with these conscious steps you can ease your husband into working with you to live a healthy and constantly growing marriage.

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For few months, you are facing a crisis in your relationship with spouse. You have tried out several measures to curb the sudden discord or rift between you two that is giving you some torrid time. To counter the problems, you have taken advice and suggestions from friends but in vain. However, none of these suggestions actually served your purpose and things became even more difficult. Now, you are really afraid about your relation. You do not want your relation to end for some problems and so you have not stopped trying out different measures. Well, if you want real help for saving your relation and strengthen your marital bonding, you need to take the assistance of the experts.

Many people make a common mistake of discussing their marital-problems with their friends and try to find out some solutions. Though they discuss problems for finding some sort of solution, they deteriorate the situation inadvertently in the bargain. If you discuss your personal problems with your friends, it might hurt the ego of your spouse and things can become bitter. Your friends may not be able to provide you the appropriate suggestion for saving the relation as they do not have the expertise of solving these situations. If you want to repair your relationship, you should seek relationship help from experts.

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Nowadays, problems in married life and cases of divorce are increasing rapidly. To handle the situation and to help people, many experts have come down for counseling couples. If you want to save your married life and need any kind of suggestions for solving the problems of your married life, you can consult them. They will understand the intricacies of the situation and will help you in solving the problem of your life.

As they have the expertise of handling these situations, they will provide you the appropriate suggestion for solving the problems. If the problems are very sensitive, they might sit with both of you and discuss your problems. In some cases, the problems get so bitter that the couples do not remain in talking terms. If you are facing these types of problems in your married life and want to ease the tensions of your life, you can seek marriage help from the marriage counselors. They will do their best and sort out the entire situation for you.

Every couple who want to save their relationship should take care of it and understand their partners. It is the responsibility of the husband and the wife to keep each other happy. Therefore, if you are afraid that your relation is going through a tough time, you should not waste any time and take immediate care to sort out the situation. You should nurture the relation in such a way that the relation remains safe and secured always. You should spend enough time with each other and do not allow distance or misunderstanding to grow in your relation.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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Author's Bio: 

Now you can stop your divorce or lover’s rejection...even if your situation seems hopeless! Visit Stop Marriage Divorce

There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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