How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money: How To Discuss Finances With Spouse

Can love survive a budget? Picture a newlywed couple talking dollars and cents and discussing money saving tips - not exactly the picture of romance! So, can love survive a budget? I say it can't survive without it.

Let me explain.

Money problems are often cited as the number one reason for divorce. Whether that's true or not is subject to debate but no one can argue that money problems are definitely a cause for friction in a relationship. Talking about money is such a taboo subject, but it's such an integral part of a long term relationship that I think it's essential to lay the groundwork.

Here are some tips on how to do that:

1. Talk about it upfront. Discuss who brings in how much and how it will be allocated. Agree on a budget.

2. One person has to be assigned as the one in charge of the household budget. This doesn't mean one is more powerful than the other. It's just a matter of matching tasks to personality.

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3. Decide on whether or not to merge your finances. I won't argue either camp because both options can work well as long as it's mutually agreed upon. to pay it down as soon as possible..

4. Set clear expectations of each others roles. Is it a 50/50 partnership where both parties are responsible for bringing in income? Or is one person, usually the man, expected to be the main breadwinner. Whatever arrangement works for your marriage and money. But spell it out so there is no misunderstanding.

5. If your spouse is bringing debt to the union while you are debt free, don't turn your back and say 'not my problem', because it could become your problem if you end up owning assets together (e.g. a house). Figure out a debt management plan.

Budgeting is by no means romantic. But when the bills are paid, debt is under control and there's money set aside for emergencies, it certainly frees you up for romance! Whatever romance your budget allows - a night out of splurging or love on a dime!

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It would be awesome if there was such a thing as a relationship doctor. You know, "Hey doc, I just had a fight with my husband and I'm feeling really low." "No problem Marjorie, you don't even have to come in. I'll call the pharmacy and your prescription will be waiting for you."

But let's face it when it comes to relationships, it's much easier to not break something if you can help it. It's much better to treat each other with love, respect and consideration. The old saying that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" is certainly relevant when it comes to relationships. But if there is a panacea to be found it would be in the "I'm sorry" drawer. It's absolutely amazing how sweet those two words are when spoken with sincerity and love. Sometimes it takes time has an added ingredient to work the magic of the sincere apology but it sure beats watching the person you love most having a sad day.

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So the relationship doctor prescribes medicine that you give instead of take. Give love, give sweetness, give a little tenderness and watch the blues slip away.

Sometimes when our spouse hurts, us we can't understand why they treat us so harshly. It's those times that we really have to look past our own pain and see the suffering that they must be going through. Isn't it true, as crazy as it is, that we take out our grief on the person we most want to love?

Don't give up my friend. There is on sunshine in the eyes of your lover.

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After the fireworks have fizzled relationships need to shift to creating closeness that comes from the heart. These 7 tips are guiding ideas for each individual in the relationship as to what he/she can do to create intimacy,

1. Connect from the heart

Our desire to love and be loved is innate, but our ability to create closeness is learned. Intimacy is knowing the other person with the heart and accepting the person as he/she is. That is the essence of what each yearns for from the other.

2. Take responsibility for your actions

Closeness comes from on each person taking full responsibility for their actions. It includes accepting your partner for who he or she is and seeing the relationship as a separate loving unit.

3. Embrace equality

True intimacy is based on seeing each other as having equal worth. Relationships frequently get off track because the couple gets stuck on who has more power. It is important to remember that each as an individual is equally valuable.

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4. Listen from the heart

When you listen from the heart you are temporarily putting aside your own internal dialogue and focusing on the other person. By really hearing you can respond to what was just said.

5. You alone have control over your feelings

This is very important to remember. So often we say: you made me feel this way. In actuality what we feel is our own internal reaction to what was just said. If you truly listen you will learn a lot more about your partner than yourself.

6. Do say you are sorry

It takes so little to say the words "I am sorry". If you realize, based on your values, that you have said something you wish you had not, take responsibility and apologize.

7. Value the partnership

Look at your relationship as a separate vibrant entity. Intimacy occurs in relation to another. You will feel emotionally close when you care about each others dreams and support each other in order to build a loving future together.

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Most people believe that sex and love belong to one package. Having sexual intercourse with someone, according to those who believe this is so, is equivalent to falling in love. They say that one cannot exist without the other. Actually, this is definitely not the case.

Sex Is Not Essential In A Loving Relationship

That is very true. You do not ultimately need to have sex with your partner just to say that you do love him or her. There are other better methods to show your affection towards your partner, and having sex with him or her is definitely not a necessity.

Many people enjoy the love in their relationship even when they have not had sex, ever. On the other hand, there are other people who have sex all the time since God knows when and love would not even have anything to do with it.

Do not think that just because you do not have sex with your partner it means that you do not love him or her enough. What is important in a relationship is love itself. All that cuddling and kissing are also important, but you do not have to submit yourself to giving absolutely everything if you, or both of you, do not feel ready just yet. There is absolutely no need to rush things.

What The Bible Says

In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4, it says that love is, indeed, patient and that love is kind. Love is also never envious or arrogant with pride. Rushing things, thus having sex with your partner when one of you or neither of you is ready just yet, will not make your relationship a better one. Love will bring out the patient person within you.

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How To Identify Love From Sex

Sex is when you simply succumb to your worldly desires. You feel sexually attracted to someone you would hardly know and would actually do something about it by flirting with that someone, which, in turn, will take you both to the same bed. In this case, love has absolutely nothing to do with it. It is like you just scratched an itch, and then the both of you will get on with your separate lives. A perfect example of this is one night stands, which are absolutely meaningless, except that they feed your lust.

Making love is when both parties really put their heart and soul in their lovemaking, being completely honest with each other in the process. It is not selfish, since you would want your partner to feel pleasure as well as yourself, as compared to simply having sex, because with sex, you would prioritize your own sexual pleasure.

Simply put, love involves affinity, while sex only involves lust, which in turn is based solely on desire.

Lustful Relationships

Couples in a lustful relationship place their own personal needs and wants before those of their partner. Thus, it is a selfish kind of relationship. This, alone, is proof enough that your partner disrespects you and your being. This selfishness would affect the foundation of your relationship and would soon influence how your relationship would end.

For example, a certain person in a lustful relationship would keep insisting on doing something his or her partner obviously does not enjoy. The satisfaction, pleasure and happiness of the partner are not being taken into account, but rather, only the gratification of the wants and desires of the other.

It is merely driven by short-lived passion and desire, and once a goal is achieved, specifically, sex, the relationship slowly deteriorates, and sooner or later, the couple will just go on their separate ways.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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