How To Talk Your Spouse Into Marriage Counseling: How To Suggest Marriage Counseling To Husband / Wife

One of the saddest things in this world to witness or be a part of is seeing a marriage come to an end. It is a particularly sad event given that a marriage is normally entered into with so much joy, anticipation and love. Sadly, divorces are all too often these days bringing stress, upheaval and heartache into many lives.

The interesting thing is that to have a happy marriage, you have to work on it. You can't just wipe your hands and drop it at the first sign of trouble like many young couples do. Instead, you either have to have the ability to recognize that there is a problem and take action yourself to correct it or you seek some outside impartial help to get you through any difficulties; hopefully, with your relationship still intact. What many couples do not understand is that they should be seeking help even if the issue is relatively minor. By doing this, issues are not being swept under the carpet. What many couples fail to realise is that these little things can develop into big issues if left unchecked. The final outcome when everything blows up invariably means divorce.

Couples should never feel ashamed to admit that they need help; in fact they should be applauded as it signifies they are serious about the longevity of their relationship. The real challenge for any relationship is where one party has an issue but the partner won't seek help as a couple. In cases like this, the relationship is at the cross roads as it needs the commitment of both parties to get disputes resolved in a mature and loving way. It is not easy to change a person's mind in such matters but nonetheless, it is crucial that you are able to get your partner to see the importance of why you need outside help. This is the key to resolving any issue and you will have to trust your instincts and your love for your partner to get them to support you here. If that fails, it may be that you have the marriage relationship counseling on your own. This is not ideal but it will be better than doing nothing at all. You will be better equipped to handle any difficulties in the future and it may also encourage your partner to attend with you later if he/she sees that you are serious about your situation.

Getting your partner to agree to marriage relationship counseling can be difficult, but your efforts in pushing the matter may very well just save your marriage. You got married because you loved your partner and it was obviously mutual. Don't let your marriage fall by the wayside and become just another statistic. Push the matter with all your heart and love and hopefully you will grow old with the love of your life.

The joys of a happy and long lasting marriage are enormous so do your best to make your marriage work.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

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It can be difficult dealing with a spouse that is no longer motivated in the marriage and shows no signs of wanting to improve the relationship. When one partner becomes isolated from the other and there is no communication it can be very frustrating.

Some partners will come home from a day of work, turn on the TV and tune out the rest of the world. It appears as though the spouse has given up on the relationship and shows no sign of wanting to work things out. If you are in such a situation and feel that you may be on the verge of losing your partner, you're not alone. A lot of marriages go through this type of situation for various reasons and there is a way to work through it.

Here are some suggestions you can use to help you get through to your spouse and help your marriage get back on track.

1. Breaking through the barrier

This can indeed be the hardest part and once you have broken through the barrier and able to reach your partner you can then start communicating. Sometimes you will need to have a marriage counselor to get this to happen. A counselor will sit down with the both of you and for a brief amount of time you will have your partner's full attention. This can be particularly helpful if you find that you cannot even get your spouse's attention for a few minutes to talk about the relationship.

There are cases where a marriage counselor can help turn a marriage that is falling apart into a marriage with hope. Just putting a spark of hope into the partner that has withdrawn can lead to good results.

There was once a fire between the two of you and even if the flames are no longer there are still embers burning. There are ways to bring a dying ember back into a flaming fire once again if you know how to do it properly. A marriage counselor has been trained to do this effectively and it may be time to ask for help if you find that you cannot do it on your own.

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2. If your spouse refuses counseling

If you have spoken to your spouse and you cannot come to an agreement to go to marriage counseling you'll have to try some things on your own. Let your partner know that you still care and would like to improve your marriage. Ask your spouse how he/she feels about your feelings and your hope for improving your marriage. At this point you may be able to ask your spouse for help. Find out if he/she wants to be a part of the solution and what could possibly be done.

This allows your spouse to have input on the situation without feeling threatened. Make sure that you don't get involved with any type of blame game during the discussion and try to stay focused on the solutions instead of delving too deeply into the problems.

3. Get back to the basics

At one point you were both friends before you became married partners. Try to revive your friendship without thinking in terms of romance or love. Try to become your partner's best friend before concentrating on the marriage.

When you're dealing with your spouse try to think along the lines of a friendship. Look at the way you are dealing with your interactions and decide whether this is the way a true friend would act or not. There may be things that you are doing at your end that can be corrected. This puts a whole new perspective on the relationship and you may just find that putting the basic friendship back into place is the building block you need to revitalize your marriage.

It is going to take effort on both of your parts to rebuild the marriage. The first thing that needs to be done is to have the agreement on both ends that it is worth fixing. By using the suggestions above you'll find that you'll be able to reach the point where you can talk about the marriage and whether both of you are on the same track towards fixing it.

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Marital issues are common in married couples; the most frequently reported being communication. Among all marital issues, this could be the most difficult and broadest term to define when it comes to relationships, as it tends to have a different meaning to each individual.

For many people communication means misunderstanding the point of view of the other person. Usually, it is a matter of disallowing the presence of the view of the other person instead of not understanding it. It is the unwillingness to really listen and understand.

In a lot of relationships, the interest seems to be in getting the point of view of one person heard and understood instead of listening and understanding that of the other. However, if only one of the couple would listen as much as he or she want to be heard, both persons would get just what they have been looking for.

Another of the most common and saddest marital issues is unfulfilled expectations. Both partners usually go into a relationship with all kinds of hopes and experience disappointment over and over again through the years because they did not get what they expected. Most people usually have preconceived notions of what relationships and marriage should be like. This could have been instilled into us by the relationship and marriage that we see in our parents. We see it all day, every day, absorbing it consciously and unconsciously. However, the biggest issue with expectations is that one person may know what his or her expectations are but the other does not. What makes it more frustrating is that even if we cannot identify what are expectations are exactly, we expect our partner to fulfill them. The fact is that fulfilling your expectations is not the responsibility of your partner. Rather, it is your duty to learn how to fill up yourself and offer all that you have for the relationship.

The third most commonly reported marital issues are sex and intimacy. In many relationships, sex is the most common issue. It is not by itself though. Aside from having any medical or physical condition that makes it difficult, sex is usually a reflection of the state that the relationship is in. If there is not enough communication for example, the hostility can also manifest sexually.

Lingering disappointment and failed expectations could show themselves in severe loss of intimacy. The incapability to identify the expectations makes it even worse. If there is not enough intimacy in a relationship, it can also show in some degree inside the bedroom.

These are just some of the most common marital issues that are reported by many couples. If your marriage is in trouble and you want to save it, you and your spouse should both strive to resolve the marital issues that are endangering your relationship.

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If you have gotten to the point that you need help saving your marriage and identifying risk factors that are working against your marriage from the start, then you need the best information available now to save your marriage today from destruction and becoming another divorce statistic.

If you want to help save your marriage you must know that marriages either grow or they crumble, they don't remain passive, meaning that a secure marriage isn't one where things are always the same. A strong, solid marriage is a marriage where one never stops trying to make things better.

If you want to help save your marriage today and understand why your marriage has gotten to this point you need to understand the behaviors that will lead you to further destruction or will help you strengthen and help save your marriage.

If you want help to save your marriage today you must begin by identifying the top six risk factors of divorce today. Many marriages are challenged and start off with many risk factors, while others marriages begin with factors that are in their favor (good risk factors).

If you want to save your marriage today, you must also know that these are only risk factors, not determining factors for marriage survival. If you have more risk factors against you, this may mean you will need to seek extra help such as expert help or counseling to work through the issues in your marriage to be able to stop a divorce or separation.

These factors are the things you can't change but...

1. You may need help to save your marriage if you married in your teens. Statistics show that if you marry before twenty that this may be the most powerful and consistent risk predictor of marital stability.

2. You may need help to save your marriage if you lived together before marriage. Despite the widespread prevalence of this belief, the evidence says living together before marriage considerably increases the chances of divorce, unless you were already engaged beforehand and marry soon after moving in together.

3. You may need help to save your marriage if your parents or your partner's parents were divorced. Statistics prove that children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves, this risk doubles if both partners are children of divorced parents.

4. You may need help to save your marriage if you had a child together before marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower risk of divorce than childless couples.

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5. You may need help to save your marriage if you haven't been married long. The longer you've been married the more likely you are to stay married. The first two years are the most critical, but half of all divorces happen by the seventh year of marriage.

6. You may need help to save your marriage if your annual income is less than $25,000. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers considers financial problems to be one of the five top reasons for divorce.

If you need help saving your marriage you may be at ease knowing that the following predictors are in your favor. These predictors apply to when you were married and do not include factors such as good communication and conflict resolution skills that you now currently possess in your marriage.

1. You were both older when you were married. Marrying after age 25 decreases your chances of divorce because you tend to be more mature and clearer in what your looking for in your partner.

2. You share the same religious beliefs. This tends to give a marriage a higher purpose and brings you together on a spiritual level. These shared religious values can help keep your marriage growing together, as opposed to apart.

3. You have some higher education, this decrease the chances of divorce in comparison to a high-school drop out.

4. Your parents are still together and what you learned about marriage comes from watching your parents. If you've learned strategies that helped your parents stay together your chances of divorce decrease.

5. Your income is above $50,000, couples in this income bracket tend to experience less stress over money.

6. You have a child together, couples with children again, have a lower risk of divorced compared to childless couples.

Keys to a successful marriage really boil down to three things; people want to stay, people feel they ought to stay in their marriage, people feel they have to stay. It is not luck and love. This personal, moral and structural commitment is what keeps marriages together, not happiness. Research shows us that unhappy periods in a marriage are not predictors of our future. If you want to save your marriage consider these factors, but do not rely on them solely, if you need help to save your marriage, then seek it.Statistics also shows that couples who were unhappy with their marriage who stayed together were happier or very happy five years later.

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