Husband Sending Mixed Messages about Divorce: Getting Mixed Signals from Husband

I have heard people talk about this enough - 'I think my marriage has hit a dead end' or ' I feel that my marriage is over'. The first question I ask them, is that are all these feelings based on pure and basic instincts or you have some definite proof that both of you have reached the end of the road? Have you tried at all in understanding the situation or merely lamenting about some temporary lack of interest from your spouse?

Marriage is serious business as it calls for a lifetime (or nearly) of commitment and shared responsibility between two people, who otherwise may not have any business of continuing life together. As hard as it may sound, but this is the truth. So how do you know when your marriage is over? Should you trust your 'gut' feel or are there other signs of a failed marriage?

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As we carry on with our married lives, we tend to build a list of 'expectations' from our spouse. Once there is a deviation, however small or big it may be, from this 'expected' line of behavior, we press the panic button. But is that right? Most of us change with time and your spouse is no exception. He or she may have grown over time and have developed a separate set of priorities. The real tragedy is that neither of you kept any tab of the individual growth over time. Hence as a normal course of events, today you are feeling distanced from each other. But coming back to the burning question which is plaguing your mind at the moment: how do you know when your marriage is over?

o Breakdown of communication is perhaps the first sign of an impending disaster. Even if you fail after making several attempts to get into any meaningful dialogue with your spouse, you should know that there is something seriously wrong.

o How do you know when your marriage is over? When your personalities clash over the most trivial of issues. When neither of you has any patience for the other. When the familiar inadequacies seem unbearable anymore.

o How do you know when your marriage is over? When you consciously avoid making any more compromises in the relationship. Both of you are so disgusted with each other that you live more in the past or the calamitous present than looking forward to the future.

Surely, these signs go beyond your 'gut feel' to know that your marriage is over.

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Your busy schedule may often take you away from the things in life that matter the most. You may find that the bigger chunk of your daily routine is work-related activities. In this situation you may overlook the signs telling you that something is wrong with your marriage and that you need to do something about it. Paying attention to the telltale signs will help you take that big step in rebuilding and strengthening your marriage.

Here are two signs that should send up the red flag:

1. Conflict - Although conflict is present in every human relationship, constant conflict is not healthy for two people living under one roof, especially when it has been the same way for years. It can be difficult to live with someone who does not share the same opinions with you and who disagrees more than they agree with you. You must always try to understand where your spouse is coming from. In fact, hurtful, demeaning words that occasionally surprise you may have come out of a more serious issue that you fail or refuse to recognize. It could also be their way of telling you how frustrated they are with the way things are going in your marriage. If you realize that you and your spouse just won't see eye to eye, even in simple matters, then perhaps you need to consider talking your problems out with a third party through marriage counseling.

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2. Secrets - Keeping things to your self is another way of putting the marriage to a slow and painful death. Having the trust and confidence of your spouse is one of the foundations of a good marriage and in any other kind of human relationship. You share the details of your everyday life because you want your spouse to share in your ups and downs, in your frustrations, in your hopes, and in your dreams and aspirations. Don't keep secrets and you'll go a long way to keeping your marriage together.

Even couples who are so in love with one another don't get to have a perfect, trouble-free relationship. Like any other, every relationship faces the possibility of a divorce. It is essential that couples identify the triggers that can lead to divorce so they can taken action to restore their marriage before it is too late.

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What men want in a woman is someone who isn't a cocoon. A female who is in a cocoon is constantly waiting and biding her time. She's somewhat shy and isn't willing to show the beauty of her wings. She doesn't want to fly around and get to know other insects. She's happy hanging around and letting her man socialize for her. What you'll realize is that a lot of men prefer that their wife isn't a cocoon but a butterfly. This might not be the easiest thing for their wife, especially if she is used to being shy but there are many ways to help her complete her metamorphosis. Here are three ways.

1. Toastmasters

This is a global group dedicated to helping people get used to public speaking and being more comfortable opening your mouth and having a clear, unwavering voice. This will get you used to speaking in front of big crowds so that when it comes time to speaking in front of a group of new friends, it's a walk in the park by comparison.

I participated in a Toastmasters event during my final year at school and even though it was only 6 weeks long, I felt that I had improved quite a fair bit. I stammer too, but I felt that I could at least speak to a crowd afterward without feeling nervous.

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2. Do What's Hard

Here is something that I try and do when I'm actually out in a social environment that I'm not comfortable with. If I'm scared or nervous, I just tell myself, "Do it. This fear you have is a sign that it's now time for you to grow." I push through and I speak out, or I introduce myself and I never regret it.

The next time you're out, if you're nervous, just do it. There's no better way to get rid of your fears than by actually doing whatever you're scared of doing.

3. You're The Middle-Woman

If you've been in any sort of social environment, then you would have been in that situation where you're the person who's doing the introducing. You want nothing more than your friends (who don't know each other) to get along.

Now, you're in the position of being one of those friends. How do you think your husband feels if you don't get along with his friends? They are as important to him as you are to him. You'll be doing him a favor by making the effort to be friendly.

What men want in a woman is someone who is a social butterfly she has more to give, is more liked and challenges herself in a social environment. Her husband also appreciates her more for actually making an effort with his friends.

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When it comes to careers and being successful at it, I have so much to share from my personal experiences. I used to pride myself in being a successful career woman and credited it to my being hardworking, passionate about my job, persistent, committed, and dedicated. I knew what it took to achieve my goals and made sure that I got what I set my heart and mind on. I was a go-getter who didn't let anyone or anything get in my way.

How I wish I had the same mindset when I got married. How I wish I prepared for marriage in the same way that I planned for my business. Unfortunately, I saw marriage not as a career in itself, but having a partner to support me in my career.

I was working full-time in ministry when I met my husband. That was my career. It was no different than my former secular career in the sense that I poured the same passion, commitment, dedication, and hard work to it. I saw myself climbing up the church ladder and envisioned myself as an international preacher, traveling the world with my husband.

Right after I moved to this country, and freshly married to my husband, we decided to set up a church. I thought my vision was on its way to fruition. I was on top of the world. I thought to myself, "Finally, I have a covering who will help me fulfill the vision that God has given me". This was totally out of order and the opposite of how God intended it to be. No wonder it didn't prosper the way we wanted it to.

It took several humbling experiences for me to realize that my calling as a help-meet is my primary calling, and is my career. My husband was not created by God to support me in my vision. Rather, I was created for him to support him in the vision that God has given him.

1 Corinthians 11:9 says: And man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.

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My being a wife and help-meet is my full-time job. This is my primary ministry. Easy as it may seem, I didn't get this before. I was one of those career-oriented women who carried over this orientation to their ministries, and even their marriages. Don't get me wrong. I am very domesticated. I have always served my husband well. I cook him real good meals, take care of his needs, give him back rubs, and everything else that pertains to serving a husband. However, I didn't see this as a career but more of just tasks that I needed to do. My career for me was my ministry.

I didn't see myself as my husband's CEO, making sure that he accomplishes the tasks that God has called him to do. I didn't see myself as my husband's manager, making sure that I manage his day-to-day schedules and ensuring that he is not stressed out. I didn't see myself as his secretary, screening calls for him and reminding him of tasks and schedules. I was so busy with my own ministry that I neglected my main ministry.

How could I have been so prideful and insensitive? I got so used to being the leader and having people under me that I forgot how to be a follower. I was living in my past, basking in all the things I've accomplished in ministry, forgetting that I was in a new season in my life. How could a woman of God like me who seemed like she has everything put together, who has been serving full-time in ministry for years, and who claims to be very intimate with Jesus, miss the whole point? And yet I did. And for sure a lot of married women of God miss the point too. And without a doubt, a lot of single women of God don't also have a clue as to making a career out of being a help-meet.

I praise God for not giving up on me. I praise Him for removing the scales from my eyes and revealing the truth to me. I praise Him for giving me this chance, not a "too late" chance, but a "still early" chance.

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How about you? Is your marriage your career? If yes, I praise God for you. If not, it's never too late. Start by repenting before God and telling Him that you want to obey Him at all costs. Then begin reading every Scripture you can find about being a wife and help-meet. Here are some Scriptures that I highly recommend.

1 Peter 3

Ephesians 5:22-23

Colossians 3:18

1 Timothy 2:12-14

Titus 2:3

Following are additional things you can do.

Start asking yourself how you have failed being a help-meet to your husband and what you can do to change this.

Ask yourself if you even know the vision that God has given your husband, and if you do, what are you doing to help him achieve this vision? If you don't know, why not ask your husband. If he doesn't know, then advice him to start seeking God on it, and together you can pray about this.

Make your husband your number one priority. Don't even let your quiet time with God stand in the way of this. God won't honor your prayers and whatever time you spend with Him if you are neglecting the primary calling that He has given you.

Treat your marriage like a career that you are striving to be successful in. Be the best you can be. With this, I suggest that you serve your husband as if he is a king you are seeking approval from. Prepare him the best meal. Give him the best back rub. Wear something that will make him fall in love with you over and over again.

But remember that in all these you have to do it willingly, with a cheerful heart, and not just something you have to do. You are doing it more for God than for your husband. This is also not a "once in a lifetime" task or something you have to do only on special occasions but is an everyday thing. If you find yourself complaining about this, it's surely time to examine yourself. Until you get it, you will not move forward in your marriage, and even in your ministry. You will never see your husband be the man who God created him to be. And God will hold you accountable to this.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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