I Want To Reconcile My Marriage: Steps To Marriage Separation Reconciliation

I Want To Reconcile My Marriage: Steps To Marriage Separation Reconciliation

Are you in a marriage that's about to fall apart? Are you reaching the end of your rope just to keep it together? Have you gone to hundreds of counseling sessions only to come home arguing and quarrelling about the same things? Then read on and get effective tips on how to save you marriage even when it is at the brink of divorce!

Tip # 1. Own your mistakes. Never play the blaming game in marriage. If you do, you'll definitely go down the road to divorce. Owning your mistakes shows your spouse that you are willing to break down that wall of pride for the sake of your relationship.

Tip # 2. Learn to say sorry and to forgive. When you've realized that you are at fault, learn how to show it by apologizing. And if you are the one hurt, learn to forgive as well. You must realize that nobody's perfect and everyone commits mistakes. So you should learn how to ask forgiveness and to forgive as well.

Tip # 3. Talk gently, listen intently. Communication is a two way process - when one talks, the other one should listen. And most importantly, even when tempers are rising, try to make your conversations as civilized as possible. Nobody would want to listen to someone shouting their lungs out. And when you listen, listen with an open heart. Understand and be open-minded.

Tip # 4. Be ready to make adjustments. After you've realized your mistakes, you must be ready to make the necessary changes to make things right again. Don't limit your resolutions to words and promises only - take action.

Tip # 5. And finally, give each other time. Reconciliation does not come instantly. Past arguments and quarrels can leave scars on both of you - and that takes time to mend. Don't hurry things. Give your partner and yourself time to heal.

Mending broken relationships should always start by looking inwards. Don't expect to see instant results after you've talked things through. It really takes time. But if your marriage is really worth everything to you, then you should focus on the goal of setting things right and ignore all the sacrifices you need to take.

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To really restore your marriage the first step in the process is to stop thinking that things can be fixed quickly. They cannot, as it takes time to rebuild a strong foundation for your marriage to stand on. When disagreements arise within your marriage, take a time out to calm down before speaking. The worst thing you both can do at this time is to withdraw from each other. Sit down and calmly discuss solutions to the problems causing conflicts within your marriage. Always be honest and open to one another to restore your marriage permanently.

The best way to restore your marriage is to remember that forgiveness is the key to any relationship. You and your spouse should always find a way to forgive one another. Forgiveness is important for without it no relationship or marriage will ever work out. Find the romance again in your marriage. Romance tends to get put on the back burner when careers and children come into the mix. Romance is vital to sustain a loving marriage and a strong relationship with one another.

Make time for each other even if it is only one night a week. Make a date night and keep it, mark it as an important date. Go out to dinner or get a sitter to keep the kids and stage some romance at home together. Do anything that brings you closer to a romantic relationship again. Trust is something that every relationship has to build. To work to restore your marriage it has to built up again if it has been broken. This will take time so you have to be willing to be patient and work hard on its rebuilding.

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What men want in a woman is someone who is an "emotional genius." Now what can I be talking about this time? Have you heard of the group, Mensa? It's basically a group for gifted people with an extremely high IQ in a particular field. Now, this field is for people with a high IQ (98th percentile), but there is no category for a high EQ. In the last few decades or so, it has been repeatedly proven however that people with a high EQ get more out of life than those with a high IQ. This is even more so the case in a relationship. Let's see why this is the case.

1. Response-ability Defined

People with a high EQ realize that their entire world is shaped by how they response to everything. You could be living on the same world as me, but living on an entirely different planet, depending on how you view the world.

The easiest example is the whole "half empty, half full" paradox. You have a glass with water half way. Is half empty, or half full? Supposedly, people with a negative outlook on life would say half empty, while those who are positive say half full. Which one are you?

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2. Response-ability Examples

There are examples of people with a high IQ who have a low EQ. Geniuses who are stuck at university or college but don't have the skills to make friends often commit crimes to get attention (or for other reasons beyond comprehension).

That's extreme. In the scope of a relationship, someone who is response-able knows how to react to someone who's angry, sad, happy, disappointed, stressed out, etc. This skill ensures that the relationship always stays on track and that every event in the relationship builds it up.

3. Self-Awareness

This is sort of like response-ability but only for yourself. Have you had those times where you feel completely overwhelmed by what's happening around you? At the time of writing this article, there have been some natural disasters happening all over the world. I can't help but feel like I should be doing something.

Of course, you calm down eventually and you realize that you're doing what you can. Some people let it get to them and it stresses them out. It really isn't that bad, as long as you're aware of where you fit in the world. It's exactly the same for relationships. You might feel that it's bad, but then you realize that some people have no one, or have so much less than you do.

What men want in a woman is someone who is an emotional genius. She is response-able, self-aware and in general, is more complete an individual than other people. Men need women who are emotional geniuses to have a healthy relationship.

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My tongue would have been gone by now if I literally bit it each time I tried to shut up. This has been the hardest thing I've ever done and which I still struggle with sometimes. I would have avoided the many fights I've had with my husband, and even the hurts it brought me, had I learned to do this earlier in our marriage.

It all started one night when I was crying out to God complaining about my husband. We just got into a big fight and it surely wore me out. I was in the bathroom with my Bible and I heard the Spirit whisper in my ear: "Open your Bible to 1 Peter 3". I opened it and read...

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

What spoke to me so clearly, piercing through my heart, were the underlined words above. It rebuked me and made me cry. I realized that I needed a gentle and quiet spirit and that this attribute is so precious to God.

It didn't come easy though. I had to learn it the painful way. It was a series of tests from the Lord that finally made me get it, and do it. There was just a defensive spirit in me that wanted to reason out and explain all the time. This was the spirit that made it very difficult for me to shut up. It hated being accused, more so of something that is not true. For sure you can totally feel me on this one.

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My husband is a challenger and can be very provoking at times. I told him once that he can make a mute person talk. This made it doubly difficult for me to maintain a quiet spirit. Add to this my strong-willed personality, plus my experiences, and it is almost impossible for me to even obey this Word from the Lord. Other than these, let me enumerate to you what makes it hard for me to bite my tongue and have a quiet spirit. I believe these may also be your hindrances to obeying this Word of God.

1. When he accuses me of something I didn't do.

2. When he focuses on my mistakes and corrects me.

3. When he is mad at me.

4. When I see him doing something that I know will not be beneficial for the marriage and family.

5. When he makes stupid decisions.

6. When he repeats the same mistakes over and over again.

7. When he blames me.

Looking at all these, you can say that all these reasons are valid. These were my very justifications before God... but He never accepted any of them. I remember hearing His voice in my mind one time: What about what I did on the cross for you? What about all the insults I received? What about those people who spat at me?

Tell me... what do you say to God when He tells you these things?

So what if my husband accuses me of something I didn't do. God is not the one accusing me. I don't have to prove myself because God knows the truth.

So what if he focuses on my mistakes and corrects me? Wasn't I created to be his help-meet? Didn't God put me with him to serve him? This means that he can correct me so that I can adapt to his needs better.

So what if he is mad at me? He may be going through something and I should just be praying for him instead of getting in the flesh too.

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So what if I see him doing something that will not be beneficial to the marriage and family? I am not his spiritual adviser. I am his help-meet. Shouldn't I just be praying for him that God will speak to him about this? And if God wants him to learn his mistakes the hard way, then how dare I meddle with what God's doing.

So what if he makes stupid decisions? Who doesn't? I am not his conscience anyway. Shouldn't I just let God be God and be the One to deal with him?

So what if he repeats the same mistakes over and over again? It may be my role to remind him but it is still his choice. God will be the One to teach him, not me.

So what if he blames me? Will blaming him back solve the problem? Won't God deal with him if he doesn't fulfill his role as a husband?

I have been stressing out all these years over these things I've mentioned, and I was the one putting the burden on myself. I was so focused on my husband, forgetting that God wanted me to focus on my role as the wife.

And when I started focusing on my role, and began fulfilling it, most especially this part on the "quiet spirit", then I started seeing big changes too in my husband. All it took was for me to learn to bite my tongue, not even for his sake or my sake, but because it is precious in God's eyes.

So my fellow wives... if you truly love Jesus as you say you do, then obey every word He gave you as a wife, including this command to have a quiet spirit.

Now Listen Carefully-

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