Husband Wants Me To Go To Bed When He Does: My Husband Gets Mad When I Fall Asleep

Husband Wants Me To Go To Bed When He Does: My Husband Gets Mad When I Fall Asleep

Maybe you have what seems to be a very controlling husband or controlling wife. Do you try to hold your own for a while, but then get tired of all the fighting and just give up? Does all this giving up and giving in leave you feeling angry and resentful? Fortunately, there is a way to maintain your own personal power without all the fighting anger and resentment, and at the same time find solutions that are satisfying for everyone without anyone giving up or giving in.

First of all, it helps to realize that this cycle is very common. It happens when we believe:

o it's impossible for everyone to get what they want,
o so I need to fight for what I get,
o because there's really not enough to go around.

This kind of thinking is what causes the arguments and the resentment. It is why so many people seem to insist on getting their own way and have such a hard time listening to what's important to anyone else.

We believe that true power comes from:

o Believing it's possible for everyone to be satisfied,
o A commitment to meeting everyone's needs, and
o The ability to negotiate instead of compromise.

That last point may seem confusing because most people consider negotiation and compromise to be the same thing. We believe these are as different as night and day--but will talk more about that later.

If you alter your belief about what it takes to be powerful, and master the skill of negotiation, you will experience your relationship in a whole new way. In order to experience true power, we suggest you begin by adopting the mindset of an explorer. Two things are necessary to be an explorer: you first have to believe there is something worth discovering, and then you must be committed to discovering it.

Columbus knew that India was the source of precious spices and other valuable goods, and he believed he could find a shorter route to the Indies. His belief and commitment gave him the courage to explore uncharted territory.

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That's what we mean by an exploring mindset: that you are committed to making discoveries intended to create satisfying results for everyone involved. You start with the belief that you can create results that are satisfying for everyone. This can give you the courage to explore different solutions whenever you're faced with a disagreement.

The first step in doing this is to focus on values! The only way to achieve a solution that is satisfying for everyone is to discover what people value. But people's values are often hidden behind the mask of their opinions and complaints.

Just like Columbus kept his focus on the western horizon, you navigate through your conversation while keeping your focus on mutually satisfying solutions, and your commitment to exploring everyone's values.

Discovering what everyone values can give you the clarity you need to negotiate strategies that will satisfy everyone involved.

Negotiation vs. Compromise

Now back to the difference between negotiation and compromise. Will you take everyone's needs into consideration? Will you keep at it until everyone is satisfied? Understanding the difference between negotiation and compromise plays a big part in being willing and able to stick with the exploration process until everyone is satisfied.

Compromise results from an "Us Against Them" mindset. Compromise begins by identifying what everyone wants. Then you see who's willing to give up parts of what they want until everyone can live with what's left.

This is caused by having your attention focused on lack, limitation, and fear. It's based in the belief that there isn't enough to go around, so you have to settle for whatever you can get. This is why people don't want to compromise--they resent giving up on what's important to them.

Negotiation, on the other hand, is only possible when you have an explorer's mindset. Negotiation begins by identifying what everyone values and what is missing for them in the situation. Then, with your attention focused on everyone's values, strategies will emerge that make it possible for everyone to be satisfied, without any compromise needed.

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Here are five steps for negotiating outcomes that can be satisfying for everyone.

Step 1 - Stay focused on what's most important to you and your spouse-- what you each value in the situation.

Step 2 - Then come up with specific actions you each can take that will help you each experience your values - offer your opinion about what you want to see happen and the steps that need to be taken to get there.

Step 3 - Review your new strategies and make sure they are completely agreeable for both of you. Identify what works and what doesn't work for each of you--see if there's anything missing in your plans. Remember, stay committed to finding strategies that will be mutually satisfying, and keep exploring until you find them.

Step 4 - Make agreements about the actions you each will take to implement your plans. Make sure your agreements are very specific about who will do what, and when they will do it. Make sure these agreements will work for both of you before you move on to step five.

Step 5 Create accountability for your agreements. You do this by setting up specific times for follow-up meetings. At these meetings you'll discuss how your agreements are going and the things that might be missing from the strategies you created. Without accountability, you can't know if the plan you put in place is actually working. If it's not working, resentment may have already built up by the time you haphazardly figure this out.

Of course, the accountability meeting presents another opportunity to practice being an explorer and negotiating outcomes that will be satisfying for everyone.

Developing an explorer's mindset and mastering the skill of negotiation doesn't happen overnight. It takes a commitment to the process and a lot of practice. The more you practice, the better you will become, and the sooner you will experience true personal power. And the arguments, anger, and resentment will melt away.

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A woman once said to me, "The love you make is equal to the love you take." I never fully understood what she meant until it was too late. Interesting little phrase, though, really. Obviously, the phrase has been used before. I am under the contention that there is absolutely nothing new under the sun, (in certain respects), but it was new to me. It was just one of those things that kind of sticks with you, you know? It just stays in your mind for a long time and you know deep down inside, that you just do not get all of the meaning out of it that you can or is intended.

The question *Why should a woman love more in a marriage,* is a lot like that. It does deserve some serious thought. The truth is that marriage is a unique prospect and every relationship is an individual agreement between two people. There are always going to be unique elements determining different outcomes for different people.

The answer I want to give sounds like suck up talk. That women are smarter than men, more sensitive. And they are when it comes to dealing with certain issues. In order to confront your emotions and conquer them, you have to acknowledge them first. This is what is needed these days.The day to day world is more practical than older times. Diplomacy, intellect, and civility are the more essential elements required to thrive in today's world.

Women are more practical in family and political issues than men are. When it comes to emotions, when it comes to seeing the whole picture, other perspectives, thinking for and about others is ingrained into their nature. Mothering, and a mothers' instinct are I think, a huge part of it.

The truth is that man and woman are both incomplete halves of the same whole that they become when together.

The question Why should a woman love more in a marriage? The obvious answer is they should not. But the truth of the answer is, that it is set up that way and is completely unfair. This is an ever changing world and old issues and values are being left behind for better ones. Things are changing; but in the beginning women were expected to be interested only in falling in love and raising a family. That was what a woman did and what she was limited to. I think that women in the past were always positioned and trained to feel this way. This is not right, not at all and we are still being dealt consequences from that past mistake.

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Not all women are even interested in love, not to mention they may be better fit for something else entirely. But in the past, that was what was expected of them. It was all the power women had and some women made sure of it, that it was this way. While others fought to make the changes that were coming, come faster.

Tradition has made its mark and done its damage. In cave man times, strength was needed to hunt the food. Man was big and powerful and women were more family orientated. We simply fell into these roles as nature dictated. Now, nature is dictating something else. A change that has been needed, and has been in the making for a long time now.

The rise of WOMAN.

Women are on the rise and for good reason. Test after test, they are found to be just as capable as men and in many cases, sometimes more often than not, they are out-performing men. It is a fine line but it all boils down to individuals in the end. Regardless of gender.

I think, the more capable of love that you are, the more is expected of you. Remember in the old days, when men did not cry or share their feelings. All that was expected of them was a grunt, food on the table and money in the bank. This was a lose/lose scenario if you ask me. Where men are denied the full benefits of expression and love and women are over powered by it, pressured with the burdens of emotional bonding. Unbalanced, unrealistic and no fun.

The trouble about all these statements is they are generalities. The scientific truth about the gender divide is that everyone is equally capable. Man, being any better than woman or the other way around is just not true. There is no evidence that any one gender, are more capable of learning foreign concepts, ideas, schools of thought or anything else like that.

Thank the stars the world is changing, and for the better in many ways. The tables are turning completely upside down. Men are becoming stay at home fathers and the women are more often the bread winners. In some ways, this is good and in some ways it is bad. We need to strive for equal ground. Everyone is unique we are individuals in our essence, essentially sharing some similarities.

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Falling in love is not something that anyone plans. First off, you would not intentionally put yourself in a losing battle with no way out. Allowing yourself to become completely vulnerable. No one ever plans something like that. So love does what it does, breaks all the rules and bends any natural law to a curve.

In Ideal relationships, compromise solves all problems, but no relationship is ever ideal. Mother nature is the cruelest woman I know and I still love her. The majesty of her beauty will always be astounding to me as an eternal interest of her royal cause: Life.

Again, the truth is that man and woman are both incomplete halves of the same whole that they become when together. Why should anyone love more?

In my opinion, it is always particular to the type of person that is in the relationship. First, there is the type of person you are. Then, there is the type of person you fall in love with. The whole ordeal is primarily specific to the capabilities of the individual, as well as the expectations of the recipient. Why should a woman love more in a marriage, is usually due to the fact that she falls in love with the type that requires things that way. This is subconscious of her.

Why should a woman love more in a marriage? I really do not know. I did though, I tried like hell to answer that question. I do think this is an important question too. My bet is that once I put this behind me for a time, a much better answer will come up. This I do know: Once love enters the picture everything suddenly changes. We tend to love all our differences. Once marriage enters the picture of love, we tend to try to change those differences, instead of our first instinct, to just let go and love as is.

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Saving your marriage can be the struggle of the century. That is especially true if you are the one that is responsible for the heartache and drama.

There are so many happy marriages out there that it is inexcusable why you and your partner should not be happy too. The trick is to learn from those who have already gone through it all.

There are a number of things that can be done for your relationship to improve starting today. You need to make sure you know what you are doing though.

There are a lot of options out there for trying to help your marriage from falling apart, or simply to stop fighting so much.

Many couples end up trying to go to marriage seminars, or couple therapists. These types of help often do not really solve the problem when it comes to marriage.

Oftentimes it is the smallest of things that can fix a broken relationship. If you partner just sees that you are in fact trying to improve even by reading a marriage book it can have the world of difference.

Do you remember the good times the both of you had? There was a time that you were really happy together and you need to remember that. That is the key to trying to fix your relationship. You really have to want it.

Marriage is a gift from God that should not be taken lightly. You took a vow to love your spouse through the good times and the bad. Likely you are in the bad right now. That's okay though because every couple in history has gone through that period. The trouble is that some don't know how to get through it. There is help out there if you are willing to listen and to start taking steps on your own to improve your marriage.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Who do you place the fault on when the relationship goes bad and you have to divorce, it could be you or your partner but it is essential to note the point that, the fault cannot be placed at the door step of any one partner but the two.

You might go see the counselor to help your relationship, that very fine but aside that, take a critical look at these points because they could be the very answers you need to heal your relationship.

Have you thought of how talking with each other is very important? This is basically the life line of the relationship and if you do not have, you do not as well have life in your relationship. You have no idea what this does to the relationship. Just a little time of talking with your partner can solve a lot of problem. You do not even have to talk about some specific topics; all you need to do is talk.

Go on date to revive yourselves and your marriage. Dates are usually good to create romantic moods, which is necessary for the marriage to last. It also make you have fun out of the home setting and this can do lot for the relationship.

At home and where ever convenient, you must strive to work as one body. This is very important to reduce the work load on just one person. So as you help each other with the work you also find a common activity which can impart positively on your relationship. Know that two will always have a better idea and can accomplish more.

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But because you are different from each other, you might as well,have very personal things that does not bring the two of you together, That is vey fine but it must be agreed upon so that it will not rather cause problems. If it is a game or hobby you do separately, just create the room to enjoy it. This is always healthy for the relationship because you all need space of your own. It will as well bring diversity in conversation.

There will difficult days and very stressing times, but that is the time you need your head the more. You need to be on your guard and do not take things for granted, the trying moment may stretch your limit but remember to stay on top of your character because that is when you will need your discipline the more. You are not supposed to have your way all the time, so it is best to learn how to give in. If you do not learn this your pride might ruin your happy union.

It takes hard work to make a successful home and you need to put in your very best to sustain your marriage. Sometimes it might seem Avery tall order for but know that if that tall order will save your relationship then you need to endure it for the sake of the family.

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here