I Want To Separate From My Husband What Do I Do: I Feel Like My Husband And I Need To Separate But I'm Scared
There are numerous reasons for marriage separation, arising from the inability of the spouses to resolve certain marital problems and conflicts on their own.
Most common reasons for marriage separation are:
1. Experiencing ongoing conflicts and tension in the marriage.
2. Not getting a break from tension or not allowing the other spouse any break.
3. Not taking responsibilities for your actions and placing all blames on the other spouse.
4. Not keeping the lines of communication open, being an active speaker and a poor listener.
5. Not noticing the changes as the marriage progresses. Not growing together with your spouse.
6. Not working together with your partner on resolving the marital problems.
7. Not trying to change your behavior, even when it's detrimental to your marriage.
8. Not trying to work through differences and marital problems. Not addressing crucial issues.
9. Staying in denial about the problems, whether deliberately or not.
10. Not demonstrating love and affection to your spouse.
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11. Committing adultery or lying to your partner.
12. Expecting the marriage to be an eternal honeymoon.
13. Not living in a practical way.
14. Not showing any romantic gestures. Not showing any loving and caring feelings.
15. Constantly complaining, while lacking optimism. Talking about problems, and not the good points of your marriage.
16. Not willing to sacrifice for your marriage.
17. Saying hurtful things to your partner.
18. Not contributing to the marriage, and only taking (either emotionally or financially).
19. Taking the other spouse for granted. Not appreciating the worth of the other spouse.
20. Spending insufficient time with your spouse, due to work or children.
21. Not entering counseling, even when it's really needed.
22. Growing apart and becoming distant from one another.
In reality, most of these problems can often be helped with counseling or a short-term controlled marriage separation. Sometimes marriage separation is all that is needed to help the spouses get a breath of fresh air and to see their marriage in a new perspective.
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Some questions that come up frequently amongst those experiencing difficulties in their marriage are 'When is a marriage over?' and 'when it is time to call it a day?' and 'when is it time to admit that enough is enough?' This is basically the same question, and it is a difficult to answer, but this article will help you to answer it.
The most common reasons for a marriage ending include the following:-
* One or more of the couple cheating
* The love dying
* 'Drifting apart'
* No physical intimacy
* Loss of trust
* Not meeting each other's expectations
* Constant conflict, even violence
In some ways, the question 'when is a marriage over?' is similar to 'how do you know when you're in love?'. They're completely different ends of the scale, yes, but there are literally hundreds of different answers for both of them. The answer I have heard the most, for both questions, is 'you just know'. Think about that for a moment. Falling in love and ending a marriage are two very big events in anyone's life, yet this 'answer' seems to be so clinical and brief.
In truth, there are a multitude of factors that get you to the point of 'just knowing'. For the purpose of this article, we're of course going to concentrate on the latter of the two questions.
Let's ponder it for a moment. How do you know when a marriage is over?
Maybe your feelings towards the other person have changed. Perhaps those butterflies you felt when looking at them aren't there any more. Perhaps the thought of going home to them after work just doesn't fill you with happiness any longer. What has contributed to this though? It doesn't just happen overnight. It could be that your partner doesn't pay as much attention to you as you'd like. Or maybe they have different views on things such as money and kids than they did when you both said 'I do'.
You really need to ponder the question in detail. Does the marriage feel 'over' because you feel let down? Is your pride hurt? Is it easier just to give up, rather than sit down with your partner and figure out what exactly you both want out of the marriage?
What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time
Now for my answer to the question. In our opinion, a marriage is over when both partners have put everything they have into it and can look back and say they gave it their best shot. Can you do that? If you are reading this article, my guess is that you don't know 100% if your marriage is over, otherwise you wouldn't be looking for answers. In that case, I think there is at the very least a glimmer of hope for you. The big question is - are you prepared to fight for your marriage? If you're already wondering if it is coming to an end, then what do you have to lose?
As I mentioned early on in this article, things like infidelity and violence are deal breakers for a lot of people, and I completely understand that. Only you know if you could move forward after either of those things have occurred in your relationship, it's not for me to tell you. If things like that haven't occurred in your relationship, and your issue is that you don't think you feel the same, you owe it to yourself and your partner to find out if that really is the case. It could be that you actually don't know yet.
Here is a list of questions to ask yourself right now, and the answers should give you a better idea of your feelings towards your spouse, and your feelings about the marriage itself. Writing these down, along with your answers might prove useful too. After you have answered them for yourself, you could answer them for your spouse too, as if they were answering them. Be as honest as you possibly can here.
* Do you still enjoy your spouse's company?
* Do you still find them physically attractive?
* Do you trust them?
* Are you honest with them?
* Do you feel you spend enough time with them?
* Do you feel the marriage allows you to grow individually?
Have you told them exactly how you feel about them and the marriage? If so, have you explained your reasoning?
Here's another way of looking at things - if you woke up tomorrow and you were no longer married and were living separately, how would you feel? Relieved? Lost? Confused? Devastated? Happy? Now fast forward 3 months, how do you think you'd feel then? Would you still feel the same? Or after having 3 months to clear your mind, would you have regrets about going your separate ways?
If you are struggling with where to go from here, an all in one solution like Amy Waterman's outstanding Save My Marriage Today would help you to definitively answer this question. Not only that, but reading through all the practical advice and following it would help YOU as an individual. It's about much more than saving your marriage, it goes into how to learn what YOU want from like and how to make yourself happy, regardless of your relationship status. It's not only a marriage saver, it can be a LIFE saver. Perhaps that sounds a tad dramatic, but when you are unhappy in your marriage and in your household, your life just isn't what it should be. Imagine waking up each day feeling positive and optimistic about your marriage and your life. You'd be at work and would be counting down the minutes until it was time to go home and could spend time with your spouse. You'd be rid of all the stress of wondering where your life is going.
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It can be extremely frustrating making marriage work especially when you are the only one who seems interested. Luckily, there are a few things you can do to ensure avoiding another argument. Any one of these techniques can help to show your partner that you truly care about making marriage work.
Communicate Better About Small Issues
Sometimes, even the smallest of issues can quickly turn into full out verbal assualts toward one another. Communication the the number one reason why a marriage will flop. When in a situation were there is an obvious disagreement, take the initiative and be the bigger person. Reason with your partner and realize that you will never come to an agreement if you both are out to prove a point to one another. Do not let small disagreements leave you and your spouse feeling disapointed and angry.
Create More Priorities Around Your Spouse
When you can prioritize your schedule around the likings of your partner, it gives them far more reason to do things for you. Go out of your way to do things that you know would make your spouse appreciate what you have done. It can be a very rewarding experience when your spouse sees you going out of the way to make them happy. Making marriage work is all about showing true affectin for one another.
Agree to Not Disagree
Disagreeing with your spouse is what usually creates distance and gets in the way of sexual activity. When you see the opportunity to avoid a disagreement, take it. Even if you know the decision will make you unhappy, take the sacrifice in order to please your partner. A small amount of sacrifice on your part can make all the difference when your spouse is considering doing something for you in the future. Making marriage work takes a significant amount of balance and appreciation for one another.
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Top 3 Things To Avoid When Saving Your Marriage
1. Trying to fix the marriage quickly
2. The blame game
3. Trial Separation
So let's start off with number one; Trying to fix the marriage quickly. What is your immediate reaction when you break something that isn't yours? You immediately try to fix it before the other person sees that you have broken the item, but to your avail you put it back together wrong, and even make more of a mess. That is exactly what happens to some couples in a troublesome marriage. They see the beginnings of it going down hill and in a wild attempt to save the marriage they try fixing it before actually thinking about what is wrong. This mistake can cause more problems and make it much harder to save your marriage. A lot of the issues that will be in your marriage have come to be over a long length of time. And for some it may take a while for you to resolve those issues. Some you maybe able to fix within a few weeks, some in a few months. For trust issues, it is sometimes the case of years. So if there are problems that have grown stronger over the years, don't expect and try to fix them within a couple weeks. It will only make things harder for you while trying to save your marriage.
Blaming someone else for your mistakes is easier than taking the blame to yourself. But as you know, it isn't the right thing to do. Especially when trying to stop divorce from ruining your marriage. It will only make things harder, and take longer to save your marriage from disaster. Blaming your spouse for what is happening in your marriage is pushing you both farther away from your goal. Even if your spouse is the one that doesn't communicate as well, it still takes two. You both created this marriage, with the good and bad aspects. If you truly want to save your marriage, this is where the blame game stops. You need to work together as a team to overcome these obstacles that was created in the marriage, no matter whose fault it was, your a team now.
What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.
A lot of couples seem to want to try a trial separation for the cure to save the marriage. This is actually a wrong thing to do for the beginning steps to rescue a marriage. Maybe down the road, if nothing is working, counselling isn't working, you both are at each others' necks, you can't get any alone time to work on yourself, or if there is some sort of abuse, then yes that could be a time for trial separation, if you pretty much have given up on saving your marriage. But if you have any desire to save your marriage, you will not have a trial separation. I am not saying not to take time for you self or not to spend a day or two apart. Definitely do that if you feel the need, but don't "separate". This is because as soon as the trial separation starts, you begin to get used to living as an individual, and as we all know, living by yourself is sometimes easier. But it will make things so much harder for you if you decide you still want to save your marriage. It is taking steps in a backward direction from your goal.
Avoid these top three mistakes for the best chance for your marriage to survive!
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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