My Husband Is Obese and Refuses To Lose Weight: How To Deal With Overweight Spouse

I really didn't mean to be devious. I was worried about his health and mine. I finally went cold turkey and gave up my two pack-a-day cigarette habit and put on 40 lbs. He weighed 241 lbs. and tried every diet in creation. After being on that famous high-protein diet, bacon and eggs every morning and steak for dinner, he wound up having a triple bypass. I'm usually not a nagging wife, but I knew this kind of eating couldn't be right. He would tell anyone who would listen how he was losing weight and I wouldn't leave him alone.

Not being a motivated person, I knew I needed help from a support group. How ridiculous to think my husband would join with me. Do you know how hard it is to find men at these meetings? I couldn't imagine him getting on a scale every week in front of all these women, so there I was on my own.

The most important fact I learned from my group leader that day is that (we hope not intentionally), husbands, friends and family will try to sabotage you. "Have another helping, it's good for you!" Sound familiar? I realized this was true when I got home and with renewed excitement I rambled on about my meeting, the interesting diet plan and how they all laughed when I said my goal was to find my cheekbones again. He had this blank stare that said I'm happy for you but if you're going to do this, I don't really want to hear about it. He's not usually the kind that tunes me out like that so I was a bit upset but I knew he really meant it.

At the next weekly meeting, I thumbed through the cookbooks for sale. I purchased the one that had quick and easy menus and lots of comfort food. My thought was that it wouldn't be necessary to cook something different for the two of us. He would love things like Creamy Broccoli-Topped Pasta, Chicken or Veal with Creamy Mustard Sauce, and luscious sounding soups like Cauliflower au Gratin and Vegetable-Cheddar Soup.

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That's where it all began. The first meal I served was the Chicken with the Creamy Mustard Sauce. We thought we died and went to heaven! When Chubby Hubby raved I just played it cool and told him I purchased a new cookbook. No talk about healthy cooking, not a word about low fat and heaven help me if I mentioned the dreaded word 'diet'.

Two weeks passed. I noticed my husband was depressed and seemed worried about something. He's not one to pour his problems out easily. It took time to finally get it out of him. "I'm really concerned about something" he said very seriously. "I've lost a lot of weight for no reason and I think there must be something terribly wrong with me."

Now I know it was cruel for me to laugh, but I had to. When I told him those meals that he was raving about nightly were low in fat and portioned correctly, it took a while to sink in. His plate was as full as always. The difference was that now it was filled with normal portions of meat and more with deliciously seasoned vegetables plus either rice, potatoes or pasta.

We continued to eat well. No gimmicks, no pills, no cabbage soup or grapefruit diets. I relearned the art of cooking and we both have a new respect for food. We're both looking great. I lost my 40 lbs and more, he now weighs 178 lbs. Please understand that unlike the diet ads on TV, we did not do this in 6 weeks. It's unhealthy to yo-yo diet. Have patience! After a while we realized that we would also have to change our lifestyle so my svelte husband is out on the treadmill almost every day and I take aerobic classes twice a week and instruct line dancing three times a week. By the way, we're in our 70's still eating right and still going strong.

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The first thing you must do in order to save your marriage is to stop doing the things that are harming your marriage. Easier said than done, right? Yes, but you've got to try. If it annoys your spouse, hurts your spouse, angers your spouse or alienates your spouse you've got to stop it. Obviously that doesn't mean you put up with being mistreated, but it means that whatever is in your power to do to stop the negatives you do with all your might.

The second thing you must do is start doing the things that build and strengthen your relationship. Speak kindly, but don't grovel. Compliment, but only when you can be sincere. Be appreciative and supportive. Improving the frequency of love making is often helpful unless that is a source of your problems. If that is a source of your problems, the quantity likely should not be increased until the emotional state of the overall relationship improves.

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Third you must learn how to negotiate a win/win situation. Compromise should be the goal as long as what is being compromised is not your convictions or safety. Figure out how to get as close to a situation where you each get what you want as possible. Take your time and make as many decisions together as possible.

There will and should be time for you to request changes in your spouse and express frustrations but now is not the time. Now you are seeking stability and a turn around. Requesting changes and expressing frustrations should be done in a professional environment with someone who can help you be constructive in this process instead of simply griping at each other.

There are professional organizations that can help you through this process and in the complex areas of learning about conflict management, bringing back passion, constructive communication, recovering from affairs and other areas of importance. Seek their guidance along with marriage counselors who share your values. But please don't give up unless you have no contact with your spouse or are in physical danger.

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It's sad but divorce is occurring more frequently these days. When a marriage begins to turn sour most married couples look at a divorce as the best solution. There are some couples out there that are ready to fight for their marriage but don't know where to begin.

So how do you save your marriage before it becomes worse and falls victim to a divorce? It's gong to take some time and effort but you can still save your marriage even if it seems like it can't get any better.

You have problems in your marriage which is why it needs to be saved. To save your marriage you must identify these problems that are damaging your marriage and try to fix them. There are a number of things that can cause problems in a marriage, but the common and biggest problems are usually a lack of communication and respect.

Good communication comes from being patient and listening. When you and your spouse first got married the two of you put a lot of effort and willingness into listening to each other and trying to understand each other better.

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Good communication also involves trying to see things from your spouse's point of view. Before the two of you got married your communication skills were high which is one of the biggest reasons why the two of you ended up tying the knot. If you want to save your marriage you have to get back to the way things were.

Respect is important in a marriage because everyone likes having respect and your spouse is no different. If you treat your spouse with respect then you will be treated with the same.

Constant disrespect and arguing will make a bad marriage situation worse. Just because you don't agree with something about your spouse doesn't mean you should be negative about it.

There a number of things that can make a marriage bad but if you don't start respecting and communication with your spouse then your situation will only become worse. You have to take immediate action towards repairing your marriage or you will never be able to save it.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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What men want is a woman who learns that some problems can't be solved in marriage. There are a lot of issues in marriage that you only come to learn about after you get married. It's not that you were never aware of them in the first place, it's just that neither of you realised them until you got married. Gottman, a respected leader in marriage relationship research say that's 40% of problems in marriages are unsolvable. Though this sounds like a high number, remember that it's backed by 30 years of scientific research. He wouldn't go around throwing this figure at people if he didn't know what he was talking about. Ladies, if you keep pushing the issue with your husband and he's not changing, have you considered that maybe he can't? Here's two ways to realize you have to stop what you're doing before you destroy your marriage.

1. It's Not You, It's Me

A lot of people don't realize this, but when they have a problem with someone, the problem starts with themselves, not with the other person. For example, some people find that they can't handle someone's irritability when they get home. Some people don't like it when people close off. In response to seeing this in their husbands, they either get scared or they get frustrated, respectively.

What do you think is worse? The person who's not doing anything to the other person or the person who's reacting negatively to the person who's simply behaving in a certain way? It all comes down to being self-aware and learning that reactions and responses are what cause fights to occur.

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You can't change how people behave. That's what makes them who they are. All the stuff that you perceive as negative usually also impacts on their positive traits. Get rid of the negative trait, and you could be getting rid of what you love about them as well.

2. Escalating Negative Response

If your husband is simply being lazy, remind him to clean up around the house, or do whatever he has to do so that he'll stop being lazy. If you become more and more critical, the other person tends to become less and less responsive. Interesting, isn't it?

"But how will I ever get my man to actually listen to me, Jack? If I don't put him down, he won't even notice me!" That's where you're wrong. We don't respect someone who doesn't respect us. If you start off neutral and polite and we don't listen, we'll tend to listen more if you get more polite. It shows you respect us. We will eventually listen and respect you.

Don't go the other way. You've got to quit the negative mentality, because it really rubs us the wrong way.

Try these two ways to quit what you're doing that might be impacting negatively on your relationship. If you can, you could be doing yourself and your man a favour. He'll definitely love you all the more for it.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com