According to a Dictionary intimacy is defined as, "showing a close union or combination of particles or elements: an intimate mixture."

Being intimate involves the mixing of our life with another's, a mingling of souls, a sharing of hearts. This is something we all long for because it's how God made us. We were designed to connect.

Real Intimacy is More Than Sex

Maybe you are wondering about sex. Assuredly, sex is a part of intimate expression, but it is not intimacy. Sex is a basic level of physically connecting to another person, but intimacy is a deeper connection.

Yes, it begins with you, you must know yourself and make yourself known to your partner, you must be willing to remove all barriers, be open, reveal your true self; your joy, your fears, your passions, plans, visions, dreams, hopes, desires.

A writer wrote:" True intimacy is being close to the one you have chosen to always be closest to… forsaking all others. This is a closeness of minds, of hearts and of bodies. This is someone who knows what you’ve been through, what you want from life, and what you’re capable of. You cannot find this level of intimacy with someone if you are a false representation of yourself".

You must be willing to open the door to the one you married without fear or reservation.
To do this, you must be able to know yourself, who you are, what you want, how you want to be treated, you must first be connected to yourself, accept yourself and be able to bring others in to your sanctuary.

To be transparent means to be open, candidly free from guile and to be frank.

Transparency in marriage simply means the state of been open, truthful, candid and frank with your spouse, it also means to be free from dishonesty at home.

Marriage becomes a difficult task when couples are not transparent with each other, there can never be intimacy in such a marriage, to build intimacy in your marriage, be transparent.

Intimacy involves acceptance, accepting yourself the way you are enough to open your life to your spouse, if you don't accept whom you are, you will not be able to release your whole self to your partner.

It also involves accepting your spouse, accepting the person’s strength, weakness, past, future, vision, hobby, plans and aspiration.

When you accept the one you married, you will not find it difficult to release yourself wholly.

It also involves opening of your mouth to talk, but when you talk you are not just to open your mouth but to open your mind, your totality.

No openness, no transparency. No transparency, no Intimacy. No intimacy, No True Marriage. If you want a better marriage, then open up, let your spouse know you.

The foundation of openness is truthfulness, if you are not truthful then you are not open, because it only means you are opening the wrong room to your spouse which is even worse because it will end up destroying trust which is the real foundation for intimacy.

The end point of truthfulness and openness is transparency, the major work of transparency in marriage is INTIMACY. Do everything to build trust in your marriage.

Author's Bio: 

Bisi Adewale is an international conference speaker on marriage and family life, the author of these best selling books: Secrets of an Irresistible Wife, Hot and Sizzling Marriage, 20 Highways to a Successful Marriage, Before you say I Do, and more than 60 other best selling books on marriage, singleness, intimacy, sex, love, relationship, parenting and family life.

He is the president of Family Booster Ministry and College of Marital Success (CMS) (Africa’s Premier Marriage Institute), Host of Family Booster Moments on TV, watched in many countries across the globe.

Bisi Adewale also hosts the popular Lagos Couples’ Conference and breakthrough for singles summit, get a free book from him at, you can buy his books on or, join him on