Life Is To Be Possessed, Not Endured

The actual line is from a novel by P.D., James: “...preserving always the same look of puzzled acceptance of a life which had to be endured rather than possessed.”

Every day, each of us endures something even if it’s an inconvenience of lesser magnitude. Some people endure much more than most of us ever think about having to. When we find ourselves facing a challenge we believe we can do nothing about, we can still take possession of it. When we take possession of something, we generally take care of it or care for it; or, at least, that is the idea.

How many of us feel we are in possession of our lives? In order to feel that way, we’d have to also feel in possession of our thoughts, words, and actions. We’d have to possess or own the choices we’ve made and the outcomes they created up to this moment. We’d have to decide if what we experience causes us to endure life or live what we desire.

A friend told me his friend shared what happiness looks like to him, that it was a safe space where everything is in order. My friend didn’t like that image. His image of what happiness is involves challenges he meets and goes beyond. It seems pretty clear which of them endures his life and which possesses his.

There are things about our lives that only we can change. There are things we cannot change, so must find a way to come to terms with them. Whatever you may feel challenged by at this moment, find a way to take possession of it, even if it’s just your attitude about it. I’m inclined to think the issue isn’t really that we must endure something as much as it is about feeling out of control. We like to feel in control. If we paused to give thought to this, we might see that believing we are in control is more illusion than truth. Usually, the only things we are in absolute control of are how we think and act. Our choice is to behave as willing participants who respond to the zigs and zags on life’s journey, or behave as victims.

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being Not At All and 10 being Whatever It Takes, how much do you feel in possession of your life? Perhaps use this rating for both your inner and outer life experiences. If, say, you’re at 6, what would you be willing to do to make it an 8?

What might it feel and look like if you endure life? What might it feel and look like if you possess it?

If you’re ready, start now to change what you can. Whatever you can and cannot change, if you seek head and heart alignment about any circumstance, you will keep yourself on course and enjoy the journey more.