We become very mindful of love with the focus at this time of year, given the major marketing or advertising campaigns and displays that permeate every retail establishment imaginable, plus multiple commercials. The simple reason after all, is to entice you to spend money at their business to express love to those you love. The emphasis is always that these gestures - flowers, candy, lingerie, jewelry, cards, cuddly stuffed animals, perfume, dinner out or that perfect gift – are a necessity if you feel love for another person.

Granted, most individuals enjoy receiving tokens of love, and although it may be geared primarily for women and perhaps children, men relish receiving tokens of love as well, even if they don’t admit it. Feeling loved and sharing love is something of great value to most individuals and they cherish that feeling. I imagine this is true for you.

But the advertising in society today has led many people to focus too much on the materialistic aspect of love so that individuals only know a superficial way of expressing love. Of course, it is important that we be reminded to express our feelings to those we love, and certainly giving a token of that love in the form of a gift is warranted. However, if the focus is solely on the superficial gift, basing that as a measure of love, an internal void for what love truly is exists.

What if your birthday, Valentine’s Day or a special occasion came and went and those you love failed to bring you a token or share their love in any way? Most likely you would be hurt and upset, and perhaps put you in a depressed mood. And why is this? It’s simple really – you had expectations. We all have certain expectations for how people are supposed to behave in particular situations or settings. When that expectation isn’t fulfilled, we become upset, maybe even feeling unloved.

But you see, that isn’t true love; that is love with expectations. If you really love someone, it is unconditional. That means that no matter what they do or say, you love them. However, it doesn’t mean you accept abuse, meanness or hurtful behavior from them. In that case, you would have to decide if this was a momentary digressive behavior or if you needed to detach from the relationship; either way you can still love them and forgive them. So expectations are man-made conditions that we put in place as necessary for someone to show love to us.

True love has no expectations; it is unconditional. In other words, a person does not have to do anything to procure that love. They don’t have to prove anything to us or perform in a particular fashion for us to love them. We may have standards and in some cases rules that must be adhered to, but the love remains regardless of actions and behavior. This is difficult for many people to grasp fully because as humans, we want to have control over what others do for us and to us.

I imagine most parents have an idea of unconditional love for their children. They are part of you and you always love them even when they get into trouble or break your rules. Undoubtedly you want them to follow your guidance and the rules you’ve given them, but even when they make their own choices that are totally contrary to what you desire, you love them. What is so sad is the parent who tells their child “If you don’t clean up your room I won’t love you anymore.” Most probably they don’t mean that, but they say it in hopes the child will obey through the fear of losing their love. That is love with conditions, and it isn’t real love, and it will give the child a warped idea of what love is.

Love simply is. When we came into this world we were formed from love; it is our essence, who we really are. But when we entered this fear-based world, we slowly began to accept the thoughts of this world as truth, eventually stepping away from our true essence of love and stepping into fearful thinking. This is man-made and has nothing to do with our real self. Conditional love comes from fear while unconditional love has its root in love. Real love is a state of mind, a way of being; it simply exists.

As humans we often find it difficult to accept something that is free and simple as love is. Unconditional love has no strings attached, no constrictions and no required compensation. This is hard for many people to put their minds and hearts around because they are used to everything coming to them through hard work, payments of some kind, requirements and expectations. Yet love just flows with ease when allowed to do so, costs nothing and requires no work to obtain it, for it is already within us and just is.

I want you to fully understand this concept as it can help you shift your entire life into one that operates from a positive, loving place and frees you to enjoy your life fully. You are made from love and enter this world as pure, loving energy. That is your spiritual composition and will always be who you are, for the real you is primarily spirit. Being that you are given free will when you enter this life, you get to choose what you believe as truth, so you can choose to live through fear as much of the world does, or you can remember the love from which you came. If you choose to live through love, what will that do for you?

It allows your life to be full of miracles, peace, high joy, excitement, appreciation, gratitude, acceptance of all, freedom, happiness, compassion, understanding, caring, abundance, prosperity, and a host of good things. When you live through love you are able to rise above anything that occurs in your life and remain in a place of positiveness and acceptance, in the flow of life. Here you get to enjoy a most exciting, extraordinary journey regardless of what is going on in your environment. Doesn’t everyone want this kind of life? Surely so.

So what do you need to do to live in a space of unconditional love? It will take some changes in your thinking and believing so you can let go of the world’s unloving view of living, replacing this old programming with new understanding of what love is. Here are some actions you can take to reinstate your essence of love.

• Accept people as they are. Realize they may not
agree with you or may not like you, but you can
still love them. It only has to do with how you
feel, not them.
• Realize you are not in control of anyone except
yourself, so hands off everyone elses life.
• Quit trying to “fix” everyone. You are not
responsible for anyone and cannot “fix” them no
matter how hard you try.
• Live your life as an empowered being. Understand
and use the tools to become empowered.
• Focus on loving expressions and refuse to step into
• Continually surrender your fears and anything that
does not raise you up.
• Make forgiveness a way of life for yourself and
• Remember that love is your essence and simply ask
God, the Angels and/or Spirit to help you
understand this deeply.
• Understand that you do not have to do anything to
earn this love; it is given freely because it is
who you are – all you need do is accept it, know
it, and be it.

Focus on how you want to be treated and then treat everyone else that way; live in that space. Focus on radiating love because what you focus on is what creates your life experiences. If you focus on love, you will create loving experiences, loving relationships, and a life filled with good things.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Carolyn Porter is an internationally known speaker, author of multiple books, audios, trainings and e-Books that include "The Realness of a Woman, " "Healing with Color," “The Path of Empowerment” and "Adrenal Fatigue," spiritual wholeness coach, trainer and angel channel whose passion is helping individuals move beyond their limitations and help them see they can do and be what they can envision. She is owner of Where Miracles Happen Quantum Healing & Empowerment Center in Cumming, GA, and offers life and health coaching, angel sessions, energy healing, QRA Testing, Bemer sessions, classes, certified trainings and much more. For more information or to order her products she invites you to visit her website at wheremiracleshappen.com.