My Husband Cheated On Me But Says He Loves Me: Is My Husband Going To Be Content With Our Marriage After His Affair

One of the biggest struggles that many wives have when trying to recover from a husband's affair is believing that their husband really and truly wants them and their marriage. Sure, he may swear that he now realizes what a mistake he made and wants nothing more than to have his family back. And he may be doing his absolute best to make you feel desirable. But, even so, many of us still have those nagging doubts. We wonder if his life with her was more exciting and enticing simply because it was new and fresh. We wonder if our lives and our marriage looks very dull and flat by comparison.

You might hear a wife say: "my husband cheated on me with a younger woman. Even so, he has a lot in common with her because he was her mentor at work. So, they got to travel to another country together and take in all sorts of new experiences. He got to teach her things and they shared a common goal that I am sure bonded them. The other woman actually told me about the affair. She was all triumphant about it and I believe that she thought that once she told me, I was going to force my husband to make a choice and he was going to choose her. This is almost what happened, but not quite. I think that, much to everyone's surprise, my husband chose me. He actually didn't choose me immediately. He went away by himself and later, he told me that he saw a family out to dinner and he just wept. He said that right then and there he realized what an idiot he had been. He decided that his family was more important than this other woman. So he transferred to another office so that he won't have to see the other woman. We are in counseling. Things have been getting better all of the time. We still struggle. I still worry. I am unsure of myself a lot of the time. He tries his best to make me feel desired and loved and I do realize that part of our success depends on me believing what he tells me. But part of me just can not move past worrying about the excitement that I know he had with her. When he was with her, he actually seemed happy to me. Of course, I didn't know about the affair at the time, but I did notice that he seemed excited about life again. I worry that he doesn't have that with me. We are the same age so there's not much for him to teach me. We don't travel to foreign countries together. There isn't the newness in our sex life that they had. How can a housewife and mother compete with that? And how could he find that exciting after experiencing what he had with her?"

I understand these concerns because I had them. I'm not going to tell you that you are being silly or that you are seeing problems where none exist. It's only natural to wonder how your comfortable, enduring marriage would compare to something that was obviously, new, exciting, and forbidden. Not having this concern would be turning away from reality. However, that is precisely what I am going to recommend that you do.

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Why? Because your husband has made an obvious choice. He has put his intentions behind this choice by transferring jobs. In today's economy, this likely came with a career or financial cost to him. But he did it any way. And he said that he was motivated by his understanding that family was what really mattered to him. That is something that the young woman can not offer.

In other words, he has decided that the trips and the mentoring and the novelty of something new isn't what he wants. What he wants is his family. Does this mean that you shouldn't keep a close eye on him and on your marriage? No, it absolutely doesn't. Of course, you should keep your eyes out and be realistic.

At the same time, always having doubt and refusing to believe that you are enough can put strain on a marriage that has already been affected by the affair. If you project that your life is boring and not good enough, and if you present it as if you have something to apologize for, then you may change the way he views you or the marriage.

At this point, I would take him at his word. I would make every attempt to believe that you are providing the family life that he says he wants. And I would work tirelessly on my own self esteem and self worth. Nothing is exciting or as sexy as confidence.

Here's another thing to consider. I know that you feel a little insecure about the travel and the excitement. Who is to say that you can't travel with your husband - not for business, but for pleasure? Who is to say that you can not seek out marital excitement? Nothing says that you can't combine the stability of married life with the excitement of dating your spouse and making it a point to experience new things together.

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Many men are stunned to learn that their spouse isn't happy and she would rather end the marriage than try to work things out. However, in many cases your partner is going to be someone who is unlikely to want to compromise and so the results you are hoping for to stop your divorce, save your marriage are not going to appear. Maybe it wasn't long ago that you had a one track mind which was to end your marriage through the legal proceedings of a divorce.

After suffering day after day, it's no wonder that we often surrender to what we believe to be an the answer -- divorce. It's quite possible to stop a divorce save your marriage even if you're the only person who feels like taking action. Dont wait for things to become irreconcilable until you have no way to stop your divorce and save your marriage. We can get swept away in a tide that will eventually land our relationship in a divorce court, ending our dream of a perfect marriage once and for all. Before you decide to leave your partner you should ensure that you know all the consequences of a divorce.

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Did you know that some experts report that those who use a certain plan for saving the marriage have a success rate of over ninety percent.Although couples can seek advice from marriage councilors to stop their divorce save their marriage, it needs both parties to work on it. Did you know that you can stop your divorce save your marriage even if your spouse isn't ready to take action.

Some common mistakes include: Reassuring your loved one you'll change Calling your loved one to beg for forgiveness Trying to follow conflicting advice from friends and family Reminding your loved that he or she is separating the family.Don't fall into this pattern.

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Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. People marry for many reasons, most often including one or more of the following: legal, social, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. Marriage is a decision made by two people. If you love your partner, you will do everything to save your marriage.

Here are some tips on how to save marriage.

You have to check on the main cause of the problem. You cannot solve a problem without knowing where it came from. Talk to your partner. Apologize if you should, try to see what other options you can do aside from separation. Control your temper, be cool. Never yell at your partner. Your being hot tempered will not help but will even worsen the situation.

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Be patient.

If you want to save your marriage you need to do some moves but you also have to wait for the results. Fixing a damaged marriage is not the same as fixing a broken gadget. You have to wait for everything to heal. Never do a move that is against your plan. Follow what your heart is saying. If you are the reason of the problem you have to double your effort. Analyze your mistakes. A marriage can never be saved without compromising. It is a give and take process between a two people.

After all, the best thing to do is to forget and forgive. Once you agreed make sure not to dig about the past. Past is past, you can never move on to the future without forgetting the past. Just learn from it and just be thankful it happened.

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You know when you hear good advice -- it sticks like a sheathed sword sticks when attacked by frost. It gels and resonates. It not only makes sense, but it also often comes in such a timely fashion. It's indeed a 'word' for the time. People look at each other and just know this is from God. Its wisdom cuts through potential nonsense and the truth is chilling.

At a table of young people and relative newlyweds I witnessed a conversation sparked by a question to a couple married 32 years. I'm still unsure what the actual question was, but the answer which was long deliberated over was, "The wife must kill her husband (for the marriage to thrive)." This answer led to a long, deafening silence. The man then explained himself further, clarifying the meaning of the absurd statement.

It goes something like this:

The husband must come to the end of himself and present himself as a 'living sacrifice' before his wife; essentially becoming dead to his own hopes, dreams, goals, and plans, in order to bring his wife, life. He must become her rock in which she can truly trust -- a firm and natural trust in his unbending intent toward her. Anything less than a full commitment undermines the faith she'd otherwise place in him.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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I later considered this as biblically faultless (though nonetheless 'incomplete') counsel. Romans 12:1 says a lot about 'being a living sacrifice' in only a few words. Its power of brevity is incredible. "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -- this is your spiritual act of worship." (Italics added for emphasis.) In marriage terms, men are to worship God by offering their bodies as living sacrifices to their wives. This is how wives are loved and respected so that they might submit to their husbands.

We offer to our wives our bodies to be killed if they so choose.[1] This means we forget the selfish thoughts of running our own lives and truly transfer ownership to our wives; we give them first say. 2 Corinthians 4:10 says, "We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be revealed in our body." Spiritual death in me means life for someone else -- it is sacrifices of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. In marital terms, death for me and life for her means I live for my spouse and offer to her my time, love, money, resources, support, encouragement etc before I offer them to myself. It is a surrendered existence.

I earlier suggested that this advice was 'incomplete,' and now I'll qualify it. The law of reciprocity is recognised as both a spiritual and social psychology phenomena - 'You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours,' could be the catchcry. It's reflected biblically as the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12) and the Royal Law (James 2:8).

Notwithstanding this, the husband should take the lead, offering himself, in faith, as an (unconditional) living sacrifice to his wife that she might too offer herself for him. Reciprocity recognises the need for both to engage, but does not limit unbending intent on the part of the husband.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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