My Husband Loves To Hear About My Past Lovers: Is It Healthy To Talk About Past Relationships

You can't help but read in many magazines on the topic of discussing your sexual past with your current partner. Most, if not all of them, tell the reader that there is no need or reason to reveal your intimate history to your partner. For the most part I disagree with them. There are positives to revealing the extent of your prowess to your spouse.

Notice I said spouse and not partner in the last sentence. Dating, unless deemed a common law marriage, follows a different set of disclosure rules and guidelines. I do agree with the magazines and advice columnists that your date does not need to know your sexual past and it really serves little purpose. The purpose comes later when knowing your partner inside and out helps you to become marriage. Communication is on top of the list for reasons of failed marriages. Keeping secrets and hiding your past is a recipe for lack of communication no matter what excuse you want to staple to it. What harm does revealing your past really pose to a marriage unless you lied about it in prior instances? We've discovered that you can really smile with each other while talking about the past and we've even seen the added benefit of realizing things that each other really enjoys that we did not otherwise know. Increasing your spouse's enjoyment in bed plays a big role in a good marriage and discussing past practices can help discern what they really like and don't like. More importantly, discussing our pasts increases communication and builds trust in that we are willing to tell each other everything and anything. To truly become one than this is an important factor.

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I will throw a caveat into this and that is the time factor. I'm not saying that following your wedding night you go out on your honeymoon and discuss your past sex habits. I dated my spouse for about five years prior to marriage and we didn't really get into the gusto of past sexual acts until we were married for a few years. What we have done is to make it sort of a game. While in bed, or sometimes when we get a sitter and go out for a few drinks, the subject of intimacy comes up. We start by asking "well have you ever..." kind of questions and one thing leads to another and we each share a story. If it is not a story about what we have done than it is one of a fantasy that we have had or currently have. That is another key, sharing. Don't let the cats out of the bag all in one night but over a long period of time. This shouldn't be an interrogation but a give and take. Before you get upset or jealous about what your spouse shares with you think of your own past and indiscretions and drop the ego that you're their first experience in everything. Share one or two things, get hot for each other and save another story for another time, maybe even weeks or months later.

By the time we get married we all have a sexual past, whether it is vast sexual experiences or various fantasies about past people in our lives. Sharing will increase communication, trust and may even create additional fantasies and desires that you can share together. I'm sure this article will be cause for disagreement. As I've said before, this is just the opinion of my spouse and I and what has worked for us.

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Without a doubt, to watch your marriage fall apart can be one of the worst experiences someone could face. Since marriage affects your whole life, if your marriage suffers, so will your quality of life. If you are experiencing a marriage that seems to be coming to an end, don't worry - I've been through that situation and was able to solve my problem.

It was not one of the best days of my life when my husband said he wanted to get a divorce. I was completely taken aback by it and I simply could not accept it. I was willing to do anything to save my marriage. It was a complete failure for me as I could not find anything to persuade my husband from doing this. All that came to mind was apologizing and begging him not to do it.

Fast forward to today however, and it's a different story. I can tell my husband loves me even more than when we first met! What helped me to change his mind?

So, what must you do to save your marriage?

I was lucky enough to learn the real methods that save marriages. It had nothing to do with the things that I mentioned. The begging and pleading only made my husband become more fed up. It is actually very far from that! It's simply making yourself more inaccessible to your spouse. Allow yourself to be harder to get.

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The reason for this is that people simply want the stuff that they cannot have. If you beg and cry to your spouse it sends a message that you are easy to have, which makes you less desirable to him. You need to reverse the situation to let him know that you really aren't easy. This can help you become a lot more attractive - and once you regain your attractiveness, now you exactly know what to do in order to remain attractive to your spouse.

You must start considering the way you act in front of your spouse. For example, don't be in front of your spouse at all times. Give some thought into what you can do in order to make him or her start (consciously or subconsciously) missing you.

Stop making your spouse feel that your love is for granted and you would do anything for him or her. All people have the "go for whatever you can't have" instinct. This not only makes people want things they can't easily have; but it also makes them not want what they can easily have. To move from the latter category into the former, you have to change the way you act in front of your spouse.

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Any relationship can begin to feel stressful, and the best of unions can become strained. No one is perfect, and when you get two imperfect human beings together in the same living space for extended periods of time, conflicts can arise. Battles of will take place, and no one can win, unless they know how to resolve their differences rationally. Unfortunately, rationality doesn't always come into play when two people argue, and occasionally they will need some help in dealing with the situation. Finding online relationship counseling can be exactly what it will take to get your relationship running smoothly again.

You don't have to be married in order to need help maintaining a relationship. Although common sense may tell you that it would be easier to get out and find someone else, emotionally you may not be ready to do so. If you've been together for a long time, you can be having the same kinds of problems married couples have, and they're every bit as real. Even if you have your own support system in place in the form of family and friends, they may fail to realize the anguish you are going through over your failing relationship.

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A marriage coach will not be judgemental. If you want to save the relationship, he's not going to ask well-intended questions about why you don't just rid yourself of the bum. Instead, he will evaluate where the two of you stand and give you strategies that will help you mend the situation between you. It's possible that in doing so you may realize that you would be better off without this person. At that point, you're going to want your coach's support, because breaking up is never easy. No matter what happens, you'll have the support you need.

When hard times come in any relationship, it's good to have someone you can count on to help you deal successfully with the circumstances. Online counseling is always there for you and your significant other, and you can even get free sessions to give you a sampling of what this person can do for you.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Among the most painful transgressions you can do to your partner is to commit an extra-marital affair. It causes a deep wound that is very difficult to heal and forget. Forgiveness can come, but it'll take so much time to understand why it was committed. Trust must be built all over again. It's advisable to attend or watch videos on marriage counseling in order to avoid and stop an impending extra-marital affair.

Why Couples Separate

One of the most common reasons why couples separate is due to a third party. It is not limited to men only, but women nowadays also have temptations to have an affair. In fact, figures show that the ratio is fifty-fifty.

Studies also reveal that 56% of men and 34% of women who've had an affair actually do have a harmonious relationship with their partners. There are numerous outside factors that entice somebody to start an affair and this is referred to as a slippery slope, based from a video on marriage counseling. Slippery slope is caused by the fragmentation of society. So even if you think that your marriage is strong, remember that it could easily crumble if not well-guarded from outside forces.

Separation Creates Temptations

The fragmentation of society can be defined as living separate lives from each other. By that, it means that you live together but your activities are separate from one another. One of the spouses can have business meetings outside the country and the other one is left behind. Another scenario is when one needs to work in another place to augment the family income. Based on the video on marriage counseling, it is this separation that puts temptations on the relationship.

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The fragmentation of society provides several activities for each of the spouses minus the other person. You could enjoy your favorite sport without the company of your partner. If you think this isn't dangerous, think again. You might meet new people from your field of interest and since you're not with your partner, it's so easy to fall into temptations. Do your very best to include your partner in your activities. In this way, you don't lose your connection because you enjoy activities with each other.

Spend Time Together

As a couple, you should make an extra effort to spend as much time as you could. At times, there is a need for you to bond with your friends without your spouse. It is perfectly normal, but then, it would also be nice to go with your spouse occasionally and introduce your friends to your spouse. From the video on marriage counseling, the importance of spending as much time together in order to avoid extra-marital affairs are stressed. In this way, the connection between the two of you does not weaken and eventually fall apart.

Remember that the way to prevent an extra- marital affair is by involving one another in your favorite activities. Do not isolate your spouse. Temptations are all over. Strengthen your relationship through constant bonding, as discussed in the video on marriage counseling.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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