My Husband Never Keeps His Word: My Husband Never Does What He Says
I don't know anymore how many times I have told my husband something and he didn't listen to me, only to prove later on that I was right. In almost all those occasions I have tried to bite my lip, but instead I said, "I told you so". This is one of the biggest "don'ts" for wives that I have learned from other married women of God. You never tell your husband, "I told you so".
A friend and sister in the Lord told me that husbands have a listening problem. It sounds funny but it's true and I am sure that you will agree with me. Another sister in the Lord shared with me an incident when her husband all of a sudden told her that he just had a revelation from the Holy Spirit. When she asked what it was he shared about something that she has been telling him for the past months but which he wasn't hearing at all. She said, "Finally, the Holy Spirit opened your ears to hear what I have been telling you all along".
I don't think our husbands deliberately refuse to listen to us. I believe that their being the head of our marriage and family make them so sure of what they know. Anything else outside of what they think is right will not make sense for them, most especially if it's from their wives. I am realizing now, more than ever, that there are certain things that men will only hear from other men.
Another revelation I've had on why men have a listening problem when it comes to their wives is not so much for them but for us. God wants us to bring up the matter to Him so He will be the one to talk to our husbands and deal with them. This actually reminds me of a conversation I've had with a Pastor's wife a few years ago. They've been married for over 20 years and I was just on the 2nd year of my marriage then, so I thought a godly advice from her will be very beneficial to me. So I asked her, "What advice can you give me on how I can better communicate with my husband"? She answered, "Don't communicate". I thought I heard her wrong so I asked her, "What do you mean"? She said, "Don't communicate. He won't hear you. Bring everything before the Lord and let Him speak to him. It will make your job easier".
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Though I received what she told me at that time, I still didn't fully understand it until I experienced the frustration for myself on trying to communicate with my husband, and of course the never ending "I told you so" when I proved myself right, which happened most of the time. Over time I've learned to follow the advice of that Pastor's wife and God has proven Himself so faithful in this area. There were so many incidents when my husband told me, "God revealed to me that... ", and it was the same prayer I have been praying to God to make known to my husband.
Actually, my conversations with God opened the door to a better communication between me and my husband. My husband is getting better at listening to me and in considering and respecting my advices.
While I became an expert in bringing my concerns about my husband to the Lord, I remained an amateur in the "I told you so" part. It was actually during one conversation with my husband when I realized how these "I told you so" affect him. Of course there I was again telling him, "I told you that a few days ago" or "I remember telling you that", and he finally said to me, "How come you always tell me that you told me?", and I said "Coz I really told you but you didn't listen to me". Then he said, "How come you seem like you know everything"? That was all I needed to hear. A revelation came to me. I was projecting a Miss Know-It-All image to my husband, a prideful spirit, someone who wants to make him see that I am right and he is wrong. In a way I was belittling my husband by telling him "I told you so", and this is not good. The best way a man can be destroyed is by telling him that he is not good enough or he is no good.
After this revelation, I made a commitment not to ever say "I told you so" to my husband again. I am still in the process but I am getting better. As the saying goes, "Practice makes perfect".
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Much has been said about marriages and couples, and working with them made me realize that even when there are tons of books for helping couples live a 'happy life', very few explain how to ruin it successfully.
So, since my job consists in helping people in their day-to-day couple's life, I have in stock a full list of proven methods that have worked marvelous nightmares in their relationships. If you need help or assistance, or just feel curiosity in how many of them you are currently using, feel free to read this.
1- COMPLAIN FOR ALL:
If there is something wonderful about complaining, is that the list is endless, and, anything works. Is nothing ever enough to make you happy? The sun is too bright, the grass is too green, the birds sing too loud (especially in China), all is so beautiful that your eyes hurt. Yes, this is just a perfect start to ruin your days and others around you too. Keep doing this for as long as you can take it and I guarantee it will erase all smiles with an amazing success.
Just another example to give you ideas, let's pretend you are at a restaurant:
complain about the chairs (too heavy, to tight, too low, too high, too...too),
service is slow or too fast and don't give you enough time to know what you want;
glasses or forks have stains
ambience is too loud
lights are too bright (or not)
Food is too expensive and not good enough, etc...
The list of complaints can be the size of your imagination.
2- Lean on your couple for ALL, avoid all kind of self-initiative.
Does he/she needs help putting a business lunch together? Forget it! Just DON'T do it. Find any excuse.
- Too tired
- Too busy
- Too afraid to do something wrong
- Not enough skills for that matter, lack of experience
- Why do you have to deal with that, can't the assistant do it?
- Kids keep you busy
- Need to walk the dog
- Family or friends are just visiting on that date
- Language skill's problem
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3- Avoid all social compromises and events, in particular those where your life partner requires your presence/help.
Once again, all excuses are good. Just start by the usual ones:
-"you are just not made for this type of events"
- People are so weird and uninteresting
- They really have nothing in common with you and they make you sleepy
- As a matter of a fact, being standing for so long make your legs swallow and hurt
- On the other hand 'you have nothing to wear'
4- Forget about taking care of yourself, just let go of you.
Life is too complicated and you really don't have time for shallow issues. Try gaining some pounds to give force to this point, or if you just had a baby, forget about getting back to shape.
-Keep your hair pin up or with a pony tail, if you are a guy leave your hair a little more greasy than usually and your beard grow a little longer that the usual, just enough to give you a bohemian look.
-Ladies, forget about make-up when your hubby is around. Remember, you like it natural and it will help your skin be healthier and avoid wrinkles.
- Manicure? Pedicure? NO WAY
- Wear comfortable clothes, juggins and sweat shirts are just perfect! Anyway, remember you have nothing to wear.
-Avoid perfumes and perhaps deodorants too
- The best of all: if you have kids, let them stain your clothing, burp on them, clean their mouths, etc. The smells that will leave on your will absolutely keep your spouse at a safe distance.
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5- Make sure to avoid any kind of interesting conversations, just limit to simple and boring subjects.
Once you have become an expert on this matter, all contact will be absolutely avoided. If you are running short of ideas, let me give you some useful themes to start a topic:
- Speak about the ayi and the unfinished errands (drivers, gardeners, guards, etc also work)
- Tell your partner all about your pet's adventures; chewing shoes, peeing around the house, running after people, etc.
- Criticized your friends, neighbors, teachers, baker, manicurist and so on.
- Compare your kids to others, and complain about their behaviors. Make sure to put the guilt on your spouse for not being around when needed. By the way, here you can also speak about other parents and their lousy job as parents...not like you...the best in town taking care of your kids.
6- In-laws are such a pain in the back!
This is like the golden eggs' goose, there are never enough. Complain, criticize, compare to your wonderful loving family, avoid them and be sarcastic when relating to the in-laws. Here you will collect all the credits and even extra ones in the run to divorce.
I guess you have got the point now, to make sure you are actually scoring extra points keep a record of your fantastic work, note what works better and try to make some improvements on the matter. In the process, also try to have some fun, if that could be possible.
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What men want in a woman is someone who is a player. What is the first thing that comes into your head when you see that word? If you're like most people, then you might have thought, "is Jack referring to people who go around, toying with a lot of people all at the same time?" If you thought that, then you would be correct! If you are a player, that is great news for your marriage. Your man will be loyal to you and only you and there will be rock-hard solidarity that no one can break. Confused? Don't worry. I'm going to explain how this works.
1. One To Many
If you're a player, you spend a lot of time with a lot of people. However, since you are married, you obviously can't sleep with them. That would be adultery and you would be breaking your marriage vows.
If you go out with a single mindset when you're both out, there are a number of things that happen which might initially seem to debilitate your marriage when really, then strengthen them. It's all about looking at it in the right way.
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2. Value Your Spouse
One of the biggest problems with being married is that people assume that you can't have a social life any more. Not true. Having a social life and meeting new people is a great way to continue keeping your social wits about you.
The main advantage of this also is that whether you like it or not, you will compare people you meet from the opposite gender with your man. That means that you'll think your husband could better, could be worse than particular people. In whatever case, it makes you appreciate your man more for being who he is.
The biggest benefit is the trust that's involved in going out and pretending your single for a night. Your man has to trust you to stay faithful and if you really want to make the most out if it, you'll let him be a "player" as well.
Some couples are appalled when they hear that my wife and I do this at least once a month, but we think that it's great fun. We come back, telling each other about the people we met who was attractive and not so attractive. The best part is that we know that we can trust each other.
What men want in a woman is someone who is a player. This person won't sleep around but she will be much more valuable than a wife who isn't interesting in going out and meeting new people every now and then. A wife who goes out and is social is more trustworthy and appreciated than a wife who isn't.
Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.
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"For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." (Luke 19:10, NASB)
Jesus came to the Earth to fulfill a very specific purpose, which was to restore us to a right relationship with God. In order to accomplish this, it was necessary for Him to die on the cross, taking our sins upon Himself and bearing God's wrath against us. Having done this, the Justice of God was satisfied and the way was open for us to return to Him with a clean conscience.
Yet Jesus didn't come just to redeem us, he came to save all of that which was lost in the Fall of Man. There was much more lost than just a right standing with God. Our whole world was broken. God cursed the very ground so that we would have to work to eat. Our relationships with others were instantly tarnished as well. Adam and Eve could not relate to each other in the same way ever again. The very concept of marriage was ruined.
God's original design for marriage is for a man and woman to come together as partners, serving one another and working together to fulfill God's purpose. Now most marriages are entered into with selfish motives. I want someone to share my life with. I want to have my (emotional/physical/security/sexual/social) needs met. And the second those needs aren't being satisfied, I'm gone!
Jesus came to set things right.
Jesus Promised an Abundant Life - And that Includes Your Marriage!
In Luke 10:10 Jesus tells us another reason He came to the Earth, which is to enable us to live an abundant life. Some translations use the word "overflowing" to illustrate this concept. As Christians we have a God who loves us and desires for us to live a rich, joy filled life. Mediocrity is not God's intent for us.
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This applies to all areas of life, including your marriage. If you are just getting by in your relationship with your spouse then you are missing out on God's full design for you. Yet so many of us have mediocre marriages that leave a lot to be desired.
Maybe you have an emotionally distant husband who just doesn't know how to relate to you. Maybe you have children that make it difficult to spend quality time together as a couple. Or maybe you are just cruising along without much purpose or drive to your marriage. These are common problems that nearly every marriage faces at some point.
If God has more in store for us how do we actually experience His promises for abundance?
Unlocking God's Restoring Power For Your Marriage
If you want to experience all that God has for your marriage you need to understand how to apply Biblical truth to experience the freedom that He promises. In order to better understand this, we can take a look at the context of what is happening just before Jesus makes his statement (quoted above) in Luke 19:10.
If we start from the beginning of the chapter we can see that Jesus was speaking to Zacchaeus. Aside from being infamous for his short stature and tree climbing abilities, Zacchaeus was a tax collector. As such, we can assume that he was corrupt, probably taking extra money from people and pocketing it for himself. This can be confirmed by the crowd's negative reaction when Jesus invited Himself over for supper.
At this point, Zacchaeus quickly makes the decision that he will sell half of his possessions for the poor and will make things right with anyone he's defrauded. After that, Jesus calls him a son of Abraham and tells everyone that He has come to save the lost.
I think the lesson here is that God looks favorably on those who turn away from their sin and turn towards righteousness instead. In other words, He desires repentance.
If you want God to restore your marriage, the best course of action you can take is repent of any wrongdoing on your part and be obedient to God's Word. You can't change your spouse. Only God can do that. But I have seen time and time again the power that humility, repentance, and obedience has to change things.
God can heal any marriage, but it starts with you submitting yourself to Him. Not with you trying to fix your spouse.
Now Listen Carefully-
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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.
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