My Husband Says That It's Over Between Us: He Doesn't Want Me Anymore

Just before a couple separates, one partner usually gets to a place where they are fed up. He/she is done talking. They don't want to work it out. For them, it is over. But the other partner wants to save the marriage. They see their world falling apart and they begin to panic. For them, it is time to fight harder. But invariably, they do all the wrong things to try and save the marriage. In their panic and desperation, they cannot see how their actions are pushing their partner even further away. It is human nature to want to pursue what you need and want. But sometimes, you have to act opposite to your instincts in order to get what you want.

If you are the person who wants to save your marriage, this is the time for you to start making some drastic changes. There are no guarantees and you have to remember that you cannot control the decisions your partner makes, but I've seen amazing things happen when one person in the marriage begins making positive changes. Please understand and remember that these are actions YOU need to take.

1. The worse thing you can do at this point is to beg your spouse to stay. In your panic, you may be crying and pleading for them to change their mind. You may be promising to change everything about yourself they don't like. But this isn't appealing. It comes across as pathetic. It NEVER works in your favor! If your spouse says they want out, they may have been mentally preparing themselves for a long time... often years. Their response to your begging is probably going to be "too little too late" and it solidifies their resolve to end the marriage. This isn't the time to push for marriage counseling if your partner is resistant to the idea. However, don't agree to leave the house if your spouse asks you. Be kind in your refusal but it gets much harder to save the marriage when one of you moves out. You can't stop your spouse from leaving, but do not offer to be the one who moves out first.

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2. Stop doing things to make it worse. Sounds simple, but for you to really grasp this concept you have to be willing to understand what role you play in the problems your marriage is experiencing. If you have been having affairs, STOP NOW. If you have been critical and complaining. STOP NOW. If you have been blowing up and losing your temper, STOP NOW. If your response to reading this is "But what about when he/she does... " put your focus back on saving the marriage not on who is at fault. This isn't the time to get angry and start blaming. If you want to save your marriage, you better be prepared to focus only on how you contributed to the breakup... for now. Remember, your spouse is done talking. You have to start changing you. It's time to take a personal inventory of your flaws. This can be a particularly painful process and you may need to see a counselor/coach to help you figure this out but don't hesitate to do this. Counseling is cheaper than divorce. Since you have little control over your spouse's behavior, your job is understand your own behavior and stop doing whatever is damaging the relationship.

3. Stop putting pressure on your spouse. It is likely you are asking your spouse to try "one more time". You are probably asking them to go to counseling. If you suspect your spouse is having an affair, you may be spying or tracking their social media. Stop NOW! If your goal is to save the marriage, you are going to have to back off all the places you are pressing. If your goal is to stand up for yourself and set healthy boundaries, you are probably going to be divorced. I promise... there will be a time for this but it isn't now. Your spouse is already feeling trapped. Any attempt you make to change him/her will be interpreted as "smothering". This isn't the time to make any demands.

4. Understand how your behavior has affected your spouse. Again, I caution you to avoid blaming. It is never entirely your fault when a marriage goes wrong but your objective isn't to be proven right. It is to save your marriage. At some point, you have said or done things that have been hurtful to your spouse. It's time to own it. Put yourself in your spouse's shoes as much as possible. What did they experience when you behaved the way you did? Focus on their pain and loneliness. Talk to a counselor/coach who can help you get a better understanding of your actions and their consequences.

5. If your spouse wants to work on the marriage, get professional help. This isn't the time to stick your head in the sand and hope things will improve. You are going to cause more damage if you make a bunch of promises to change things but don't seek out some professional help to make sure those changes stick. You will invariably fall back into old patterns. Invest in counseling or coaching to help you put healthy habits in place that will keep your relationship healthy and thriving.

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You feel that your marriage doesn't work. You have tried a lot of things, but still can't understand how to make a marriage work. Things are going from bad to worse - now you are worried that in time, you will be facing divorce, because it is not a healthy marriage and you don't know how to improve it. So, you are looking for marriage advice. This is good - because you are acknowledging the problem, and admitting that there is a problem is halfway solving it. Now, here is some very good advice for your troubled marriage.

Don't Try To Solve Everything

When your marriage is failing, you feel the need to do something before it ends in a divorce. So, you might want to sit down with your spouse and talk about every little problem you have. This is not an entirely bad idea, since communication in marriage is everything - and healthy communication IS how to make a marriage work; but if things are a little bit strained, it might not be easy to keep a calm, healthy conversation. Don't call for heated arguments. Instead, if your communication has been strained, keep it "low profile." Avoid talking about things that would ignite a fight again. If your marriage has a lot of problems, fighting will just add to those problems. Making a marriage better first requires that you stop making it worse.

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So don't try to argue everything to the point with your spouse. But it's very important that you continue to communicate - so, find something to talk about. It's not important if it's small talk - the important thing here is keeping the lines of communication open so that you two don't get more alienated. Talking to your spouse peacefully will remind both of you that it is possible to talk without fighting, and believe me this means overcoming a very important psychological obstacle.

The Keys to a Healthy Marriage

The number one enemy of all marriages is "taking a spouse for granted." If your spouse is taking you for granted, this is killing his/her love for you. If YOU are taking your spouse for granted, they don't feel appreciated or special anymore, and this is making them very unhappy. Don't forget that to make a marriage work, both sides have to be confident that they are special to the other. This is why you married in the first place.

Even if both spouses love each other sincerely, at times they might find themselves getting more and more distant from each other and getting close to a divorce. But like me, you too can take some steps into saving your marriage and turning it into a satisfying relationship.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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Ways to save your marriage - many couples whose marriages are in a crisis discover that they CAN save their marriage, when they are willing to put effort into.

Look back to when you were first married. I'm willing to bet that you were both happy. As time passes, things change. Some change for the better, but some change for the worse. Just as babies aren't born with 'how to' manuals, we aren't given anything when we get married that prepares us for what may happen in the future, or how to deal with it.

Today, many marriages are suffering because of money troubles. The loss of jobs are putting people at risk of losing their material possessions (cars, homes, etc.). The hectic lifestyles we lead also cause problems, and they make those problems escalate quickly, because we don't give them the attention they need, when they do arise.

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As human beings, we were born with a natural response to conflict and difficult situations. That response is to get away from the situation. When you get married, you vowed to be together through thick and thin, through good times and bad. Although it is hard, you CAN work things out in your marriage! That is what marriage is all about - working together. Too many times I see couples faced with problems, and they decide that their marriage just isn't worth the work it takes to survive problems.

Everything in life is worth working for - especially marriage!

You and your spouse have to sit down and talk about the issues that you are dealing with. You may find that what you think is wrong, your spouse doesn't see a problem with at all, and vice-versa. Being able to see things through each other's eyes will help you to better come up with solutions to those problems.

Your marriage is NOT doomed - you wouldn't be here if it was. You have already taken the crucial first step it takes to start saving your marriage - you have admitted the fact that there is a problem. Now you have to learn what you can do to fix them.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.

Is the foundation of your marriage full of cracks?

Are you lacking the tools to fix what's broken?

If you are a "Do It Yourself" type of guy, don't the proper repairs result in increased value and appreciation?

Funny how these questions resonate as much with home repair as marriage!

You see, unhappy marriages are epidemic in our nation. Married men are miserable and frustrated with their wives and sex life. Divorce is at an all time high and second marriages have a divorce rate even higher than first timers. But it doesn't have to be this way. There are easy solutions to make your marriage as great as it can be.

Did you know that if you were to spend just a fraction of the attention that you focus on your projects and rechannel that attention to your wife, you would have a much better, and sexually fulfilling, marriage?

Truth is, you can make your wife happy by paying attention to her only 1% of your day and still have lots of time to work on your hobbies.

You see, after we get married, we forget to do the things we did for our wives when we dated. Remember how attentive you were to her? How you called her all the time, were thoughtful by remembering things she liked, and took her out to do fun things together? You even were happy to attack her "Honey Do" list!

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But now, you are constantly looking for things to do that distract you from having to spend time with her. You have given up as things are not like they were in the good old days. You truly feel that you get more pleasure being alone and doing your projects.

But you know what? Your wife is starving, absolutely starving for your attention. She wants you to romance her and pay attention to her. But you have stopped! Yet you still expect just a little bit of attention right before bedtime to result in her wanting to jump your naked body!

Nope, you need to work at it, just like you need to invest time in your projects to see a great final product that provides satisfaction.

Start calling your wife endearing names like you used to. Take her out on a date and treat her like you did when you first met. Call her during the day and let her know that you miss her. Hold her hand when you walk down the street. Give her a back massage. And do all these things WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN!

You can't expect years of neglect to correct things overnight. It took years for that roof to fall apart. And it may take weeks to fix it. Think of your marriage as a home repair project. Make a plan, get organized, invest in the proper tools, do a little bit every day, and be proud of what you have done.

You won't believe the love and intimacy you receive from your wife by applying a similar planning and project completion strategy to your marriage.

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here

Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com