My Husband Spends Too Much Money: Financial Abuse In Marriage

The f-word. Finances. Combining love and money may be the biggest stumbling block on the path of true love, creating more rifts in relationships than in-laws, drug and alcohol addiction, or infidelity.

Financial power struggles challenge even the most solid partnership. Unfortunately, money too often equates to control in a relationship. The delicate balance of power between you is dependent on the successful combination of love and money.

In the majority of relationships today, both members contribute financial resources. Despite the strides women have made toward financial equality on the job, though, men still have greater earning power. In general, with more disposable income, men invest more money and take greater risks than women. Women as a whole are more conservative in their investments because it takes them longer to earn the money. Money attitudes are also influenced by age, family upbringing, religion, and each person's own unique financial trials and errors.

Everyone has opened a bank account, paid the rent or mortgage, kept the telephone and electricity turned on. When you make the decision to share your life with someone, though, such mundane issues suddenly become complicated.

Do you keep separate bank accounts or do you put all the money in one account? How do you split monthly expenses? Do you each pay a portion or do you pay bills out of a joint account? Should you be able to sign on your partner's bank account? Did one of you bring assets to the relationship that the other uses, such as a car or a home, for which expenses should be shared?

Financial advice for couples over fifty varies significantly depending on age, economic status and dependents. Every situation is different, but the following is general advice for everyone.

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Many modern couples keep their finances separate, while others opt to pool all their funds. Making the decision on the day-to-day handling of what was formerly "his" and "her" money can be a tough one.

There are benefits to keeping separate property funds separate and maintaining certain assets in one name only, which we'll explain in more detail in the next chapter. Keeping other monies separate may create logistical problems, though, along with a diminished sense of common goals for the future. Combining your funds also gives a couple greater borrowing and investment power.

Determining a financial plan that works might take months; many couples struggle for years before reaching a balance. Defining and discussing your money styles is the first step, setting goals is the second.

Review your financial picture. Are you both satisfied with your knowledge and control of "your" money and "our" money? Are you both knowledgeable about banking, insurance, investments, credit cards?

The routine business of a new life together should include the following:

- Reevaluation of life, health, auto and other insurance coverage

- A change of beneficiary on insurance policies and company pension plans

- Notification to social security of your marriage to ensure eligibility for your spouse's benefits and change of W-4 withholding

- An assessment of the impact of remarriage on alimony or pension/retirement benefits from a prior marriage

- A consultation with an accountant to learn the impact your marital status will have on your federal or state income tax obligations

- In a remarriage, be aware that the income of a new spouse may impact eligibility for financial aid of college-age children from a prior marriage.

You may need to consult your banker, your employer, your insurance agent, your accountant, your attorney or other professionals to accomplish these tasks.

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No doubt you have heard people, who have lost everything due to a fire or tornado, say when interviewed "we are so lucky, we all survived". At that moment they are truly in touch with the simple joy that they and their loved ones are alive. I do believe that the people who can say that with such heartfelt conviction will cope successfully with their personal crisis.

Right now we are faced with an economic crisis that is impacting a large number of families. The crisis for families usually does not happen as instantaneously as with a tornado or fire. Instead, for many, there is a period of smoldering anxiety and fear as to when there will be loss of job or home.

Here are some relationship boosters that will help couples and families cope during these tough economic times.

1. Take the view that as a couple or family you are in this together

That way no one person is out there feeling the whole burden on his/her shoulders. All changes brought on be the economic crisis will to some degree or other affect each family member.

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2. Include everyone in strategy sessions

If there have to be financial cut backs or home relocations every one in the family will be affected. When parents are worried and upset children know it and feel anxious. Ask children to express what they are feeling and what they would like to do. The message has to be: we are in this together and we will get through this time together.

3. Let go of "if only" talk.

"If only" we had done this or that keeps you in the past. There is nothing you can do about that now. Use your energy in the present to look for solutions.

4. Have the conviction that you will grow together by facing these new challenges

Trusting that you will survive and grow from this experience is a very hopeful message. It will allow each family member to bring forth their best and give to others while receiving emotional strength from knowing that they are not alone. It is through being emotionally connected that relationships are strengthened.

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The Problem that the wife was troubled with:

I just started a new job; in sharing a training class I exchanged phone numbers with two male classmates. When they called, my husband became furious and very angry. Later he went through the phone bill and found out I called them. He said I was a liar and he couldn't trust me anymore.

My Reply:

It is easy to assess, even via short Online Counseling process, that your situation is not easy: you are married to whom you love, but you have realized that he is loaded with an 18th century attitude regarding women and a wife's behavior in particular.

So be your own psychologist and do the assessment:

If your feeling is that this is insecurity due to an inferiority masculinity issue, use assurance, love and tenderness to work it out.

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If you feel it is the old fashion male dominance and jealousy, use your senses and walk out; and the sooner the better.

Your current training activities and future career would not and should not accommodate such an attitude. You also do not want your possible children in the future to treat you and others in this manner. If you plan to leave the marriage, short term Online Counseling would definitely be helpful.

This case demonstrates how the online psychologist/counselor/professional does the initial assessment process. Online Counseling is a professional method that is flexible enough to address many RELATIONSHIP difficulties within your intra-personal and inter-personal worlds, such as: career, couples, marriage, and social circles.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.

Love is such an integral part of the human pursuit of happiness that it has become a common component of everyday speech: 'I love that dress', 'I love the game', 'I love that TV'. We even go so far as to declare we love someone just because there's one or two personal characteristics that we admire -- even if we truly do not have the pure, selfless intention that truly defines what true love is. So what is it exactly?

What true love is not

True love isn't just a feeling. It is often associated with and described as such because it is the feeling that becomes the effect of having experienced love. The feeling is so strong that it can sometimes overwhelm us, causing us to define true love in terms of what we sense and experience.

If love were indeed just a feeling, then it wouldn't be true and it wouldn't be love, simply because it won't last. Feelings, as we all know, are fleeting. Because they're temporary, they could rage for a while and then completely disappear the next.

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This is why love cannot be limited to the emotions you have about a new person or someone for whom you feel a strong attraction. These emotions, for the most part, are based on limited knowledge about someone and who they truly are. Only by knowing who the person is and accepting them can we truly know that we are on the way to feeling love.

What is true love?

More than anything, love is all about willingness the willingness to accept someone who could be totally different from you, the willingness to sacrifice your own desires and needs for the person you love, the willingness to pursue and maintain understanding within the relationship, the willingness to commit, the willingness to forgive and be forgiven, the willingness to be part of a long-term commitment.

Love is the willingness to find the imperfection in someone else and accept it without any conditions. It is the willingness to reveal the imperfections found in oneself without fearing that you will be judged and rejected. Furthermore, love is the willingness to be vulnerable, knowing that by opening yourself up to someone, you are revealing many things about yourself that you are not sure would be viewed as ideal.

You know you are loved and that love is true, you are able to feel content that where you are is a safe place.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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