My Marriage Is Dead: My Marriage Is Failing What Can I Do - Find Out!

When you start bawling your eyes out and crying to the whole world, "my marriage is dead", you might want to stop for a moment and seriously consider if it is truly dead. Have you even tried working through you and your partner's differences?

Before anything, you have to stop thinking my marriage is dead. Quit being negative and figure out what could have happened. It takes both to make a marriage work, and both to ruin it. Stop pointing fingers and accept the fact that you are also at fault for your marriage heading downhill. Once you're passed the denial stage, you can sit down and have that all too important heart to heart talk. This is your chance to lay all your cards down, and hear out the concerns of your spouse as well. Make amends, compromises, anything that will help you work things out, if you're really serious about saving the marriage.

It's easy to forget how you guys started out to begin with, especially with the stress of parenthood. It's always advisable to go away for awhile, away from the stresses of day to day life, and away from the kids. Take a vacation with just the two of you, to recapture moments lost. It helps to be able to clear your mind of all your worries for a couple of days and remember why you got married in the first place. You can also agree on having date nights. Schedule it around your kids' schedules, and keep it anything but routine. Lack of excitement can, and will, contribute to loss of interest. If that didn't work out, try a different tactic before you go on telling yourself my marriage is dead. There's always marriage counseling, although, you might want to consider going there first.

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Marital issues are always cropping up and are indeed inevitable. A good knowledge on the common marriage problems would help you deal with situations better. Here are some of the most common issues that you'd probably encounter in your married life.

Communication. Among the most relational problem is the lack of effective communication. This can be something very difficult to define in terms of relationships. Communication tends to have different personalized meanings from one person to another. In simpler terms, communication can be defined as 'misunderstanding'. Literally, this term can mean not understanding your partner's point of view but relationship wise, this could mean refusing to understand your partner's opinion. If both parties care to listen and understand each other's views, then both of them would eventually end up with the kind of communication they're looking for.

Unfulfilled expectations. A sad marriage set up is having all these types of expectations and getting them unfulfilled throughout the years. People often have pre-conceived expectations of what married life should be. An even more frustrating scenario is having all these relational expectations without our partner knowing and fulfilling them. It shouldn't be your spouse's obligation to fulfill all those. It is definitely your job to fill your own self up and then offer everything for your relationship. There are couples which have entered into relationships just focusing on what the other party could offer, not on what they can do for the other. The sad truth is that most people are unaware of this mindset.

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Sex & intimacy. Prolonged disappointment and other dash expectations may manifest itself with a loss of intimacy in many relationships. If there is a certain intimacy crisis with you and your partner's basic friendships, then chances are, you would also manifest this is issue in bed. It is a mistake to make your partner responsible for all your needs (be it physical, emotional). If you think your 'sex life' needs a little tuning up, then start fixing your relationship first.

Resentments. Resentments are slow poisons that undermine the trust, mutual respect and love partners had once had for each other. Resentments are perhaps the ultimate killer of relationships. Resentments should always be uncovered in every relationship. The focus should not be geared towards how one spouse should change, but rather on yourself and how you can offer something way better to your partner. There should be no blaming, only self responsibility. Marriage is always a dance of two, never one.

These common marriage problems possess a wealth of information one can learn from oneself. Invest yourself in love, trust and hope in every relationship. Maybe then you'll realize how much your marriage is worth.

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Recently I posted a link to a webinar that focused on how to deal with in-laws and I was very amused by the array of remarks that I received, both on Facebook and through email. Most of the responses that I received were either reflective of a defeatist attitude, or a nonchalant one, declaring that one does not need a webinar to be told how to live a practical life. My question is, "When can you actually tell that it is time to brush up on your relationship skills?"

As a relationship coach, I get my fair share of justifications from women, ranging from, "My situation is different," to "It is easier said than done." I disagree with both statements.

I have learnt that the first step towards improving your state of being is admitting that countless other individuals have not only gone through a similar situation, but also emerged triumphant. Singling yourself out usually ends all possibilities of learning from others' accounts and experiences. Of all the women that have walked on this earth until this very moment, do you actually believe that no one has felt what you are going through right now?

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To the second statement that I want to refute, it is always easily done once you have said it is so, to yourself. Call marriage easy and it will be easy. Call it a chore and it will most certainly tire you out. It is fashionable to complain about marriage life, the in-laws, and generally how life changes after you tie the knot.

Everyone remembers the straight-A student in school, the one who swore she did not study enough for an exam, and then aced it. You can call her brainy, intelligent, lazy or lucky. The truth remains, she put in a lot more effort than she admits to you, and even herself. For her, studying for the exam was easy since she kept telling herself that it would be. Marriage has the same approach, tell yourself you can do it, remain committed to it, and you will believe it is easy and that attainable for all.

There is no wisdom in calling for a repair-man for a job that could be fixed through maintenance. Similarly, developing and discovering yourself as a woman will help you save your relationship in ways that are easy and within your control. Finding ways to dedicate more towards your marriage will eliminate the need for repair.

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It can be very depressing to see a lovely marriage stepping into the process of breaking up. You want to turn back the time and save your marriage, but your spouse is persistent in having the divorce. How can you save a marriage alone quickly?

It is totally normal to feel frustrated when you are thinking of ways to save back your marriage alone. However, frustrations will not help to improve your relationship. It will only make you more anxious to the current situation. You have to stay very calm and cool. Relax your mood by going out with positive friends, a holiday or engaging in new sports, etc.

Get a pen and paper to list down the possibilities of the problems that you are facing in your marriage Think of the reasons why your spouse want a divorce? Infidelity, Lies, Gambling, Drugs, attention, etc.

Counter the problems with solutions that you want to improve. Always remember when you want to save a marriage alone quickly, you cannot show out any of your desperation. That will include begging and crying to your spouse for another chance. Neither should you give your spouse any additional stress by pressing them for an answer. Even if you think swearing to god about mending your ways infront of your spouse could work, let me tell you all these are not going to save back a marriage quickly.

Pressurizing your spouse will only turn them away. However, if you are using the right ways to win back your spouse, it can let you appear that you are someone who is mature and cool. At least, this will make your spouse to reconsider the marriage again.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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Author's Bio: 

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