***Myths About Grieving, Part 4

This is the fourth article in a series of 8 articles about some of the prevalent myths that can keep grievers stuck in their grief much longer than necessary.

The myth we will focus on in this article is: "Be strong. Others are depending on you."

This myth can be a real energy drainer. What does being strong really have to do with the grieving process?

Being strong is a prevalent mandate in much of Western culture. This means it can be difficult being real rather than pretending to be strong.

Appearing to be strong often leads to stoicism. You may start hearing comments from others like "...you seem to be doing so well. You are such a strong person."

You hear this from others. You start to believe it. Whatever genuine feelings you may be experiencing tend to get stuffed beneath this facade of stoicism.

The truth of the strength of vulnerability escapes awareness and consciousness. What I mean here is that there is an inner strength which comes from the awareness that one is in the midst of a difficult grieving process. The acceptance and acknowledgement of this can bring a sense of inner grounding which is really the source of inner strength.

When grievers attempt to focus on a stoic, stiff upper lip way of being in the world the outcome can be inner conflict and confusion rather than a grounded awareness of what is really going on inside.

If one is attempting to be strong for their children, the children can also learn that being stoic or expressionless is the desired behavior during grief. In children the unacknowledged honest feelings which live beneath the mask of stoicism often manifest later in life in acting out behavior or withdrawal or depression.

Being strong is not the goal of the grieving process. The grieving process is about being honest with yourself and becoming increasingly aware of how you can learn and grow through and beyond your grief.

Grief is painful, but staying stuck in these myths can keep you stuck in grief much longer than necessary.

The next article in this series will cover the myth that keeping busy will somehow help you move beyond grief.