Partner or Player?

A colleague of mine recently met a guy. There was chemistry. He wined and dined her. They had fun together. Then all of a sudden he said that he had to move on. She was left numb. Then she noticed he was on an online dating site. She had let herself go with him and then she discovers she was dating a player. How do you know when a person is a player?

There are certain people, men and women, that like to play the field. You may call these types players. What isn't play is when that person doesn't let the person they are engaging with know up front about it so that you can make an informed decision.

Underneath numbness it can feel at the least like someone splashed cold water all over the warm wonderful feelings you were beginning to have. Or more intensely, that you have been used for someone else's momentary pleasure. No one wants to have the experience of being discarded for the next attraction.

The key is to be able to get to know who someone is before you actually step into the intimate relationship. This is what historical courtship was all about. You let things develop. There was time to get to know each other. You went on outings with friends so that you could get other peoples opinion about that person for you. You would also have certain preset criteria that would help you discern through this process that it was clearly right for you to take the next step to engage your heart and your body.

Today with a fast paced world we live in it is very tempting when we are actively seeking a great relationship to want to jump in with two feet once one that looks nice appears at our doorstep. My recommendation is to do the opposite. Slow it down and let it cook. Trust yourself and the process and take responsibility for your emotional journey. Needy will pair you up with these types and also drive a real partner elsewhere.

Players who don't communicate who they are upfront will not want to engage for an extended period because the drama is part of their play. BTW these types don't like confidence either. So you will be able to eliminate these types very quickly by adhering to taking your time and staying confident and emotionally balanced.

If you are seeking a healthy, loving relationship...you have one trajectory which is to date leisurely, with discernment through the process, and when you see, feel, hear and know it has the foundation you are seeking fall in love and create partnership that will nourish and sustain you.