Separated Husband Sending Mixed Signals: My Husband Gives My Kids Hope That We're Getting Back Together but Doesn't Follow Through

Separated Husband Sending Mixed Signals: My Husband Gives My Kids Hope That We're Getting Back Together but Doesn't Follow Through

One of the most painful experiences that a wife may encounter in a marriage is to be blindsided by a divorce. Why does this happen? It's because most women would rather ignore the red flags when something is starting to go wrong with their marriage. It's not that they never saw it coming, they just refuse to see it even if it stares at them straight in the face.

So for the wives who are experiencing troubles in their marriage, here are the common warning signs that tell you when your husband is thinking seriously about divorce.

1. When he puts it into words. When your husband starts mentioning about "not being happy anymore" or he "feels that something is missing", never ever ignore these words. Yes, it may lessen the pain of you just let it slip away in your memory but this may be his way of telling you that something is seriously wrong in your marriage and its not working out anymore.

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2. He starts managing his own affairs. If your husband is starting to leave you out of his plans, then something is really, really wrong. He may start planning weekends out without you and may even make new financial accounts on his own. He may not tell you at first, but eventually he may suggest that you do the same.

3. He increases the distance between you. When he starts to spend less time at home and more time elsewhere, then that may imply that he no longer wants to be together. He becomes more emotionally distant - less cuddling, no more intimate talks and pays less attention to your needs. Although couples married for quite a long time may not cuddle as often as before, those who are still committed to their marriage still have intimate moments even once in a while.

So wives, always be sensitive to what your husbands may be telling you. It may not be in the form of words, it may be through actions. So if you sense that something is wrong, then try to talk it out. Sit with him and be brutally honest. Listen to what he is saying. Facing these truths head on and as early as possible will help you save your marriage from divorce before it's too late.

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Have you heard that whenever you put two people in a room together for long periods of time, problems are bound to happen? Well it may or may not be true. In marriage where you have two individuals in a relationship, there is bound to be trouble. After all nobody is perfect. Due to this very fact alone there will be misunderstandings. They can always be mended by following a few tips that will help prevent marriage troubles and keep your relationship stable.

When you fall in love it appears to be one of the most magical moments in your life. Many of the times that you share with your new found love will be embraced and cherished for a lifetime. Follow a few rules of thumb to prevent marriage troubles and develop a strong foundation to grow on.

The first thing you want to remember is to always trust your partner. On the other hand each partner should exhibit trustworthy qualities. Be open and honest. Talk frequently about each other feelings and respect one another. Without trust, you will not be able to prevent marriage troubles if they arise.

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The next step is to always have fun to continue enjoying each other to the fullest. Laugh and enjoy things that you both find mutually beneficial to your relationship.

Just like couples celebrate an anniversary, couples should always celebrate an occasion. Make a special day of the week your date night to keep the fire lit in your relationship.

Always remember that honesty is the best policy. Tell the truth to each other. Deception will lead to a lot of problems and if you fall into this trap it will be hard to keep your marriage a happy one. Take one day at a time and enjoy each moment with each other.

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Over the past 35 years, I have seen thousands of couples in marriage counseling. I thought it might be interesting to list out the personal traits and values of the most competent partners who do the best at maintaining their relationships. Instead of taking your partner's inventory I would suggest that you take an honest look at yourself. See where you might like to do you future growth. Here's the list:

- Heterocentric perspective - The person intuitively weighs the best balance of welfare among competing interests. The person is concerned for the other person but also for his or her own self as well as the overall relationship. The person doesn't just consider self alone (narcissism) or just consider the partner alone (co-dependent self-sacrifice).

- Future welfare is prioritized over immediate comfort - The person is willing to sacrifice the immediate emotional relief that derives from regressive behavior (e.g. blaming, attacking, raging, lying, hiding etc.) and instead promotes and protects the future relationship. The person uses self-discipline to tolerate temporary discomfort in order to do this

- Truth is prioritized over appearance and pride - The person is willing to tolerate the shameful discomfort that accompanies exposing truth about his or her own limitations. The person practices healthy humility for the sake of truth. When the person makes a mistake, "loses it", behaves irresponsibly, etc. the person admits it and takes responsibility. Because the person values truth so highly, he or she is welcomes outside information to help the relationship. The relationship is an "open system."

- Autonomous persistence - The person behaves constructively and works at cultivating the relationship even when the partner misbehaves irresponsibly. The person doesn't base their self-discipline on whether or not the partner "is trying too." The person's behavior is motivated by his/her desire for personal integrity.

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- Mindfulness of state - The person is able to notice more than the content of conversations. The person notices the background moods occurring in both self and the partner.. The person gauges when the background mood states are conducive for productive communication (e.g. Is the person or the partner too angry to engage in a constructive conflict?)

- Pro-active creativity - The person comes up with his or her own ideas about how to share positive experiences with the partner. The person makes suggestions and invites the partner to share fun in different ways. The person doesn't just wait for the partner to arrange the common agenda.

- Willingness to risk exposure - The person is willing to share his or her internal truths with the partner. The person discloses his or her more vulnerable feelings such as fear, shame, desire and wonder in addition to less vulnerable feelings such as anger and frustration.

- Liberated curiosity - The person is able to stop being task-focused or defensive and periodically shares wonder, curiosity and uncertainty in the moment.

- Long-term view - The person considers the long-term effects of their own emotionally driven behavior before acting or reacting. The person's intuitive wisdom checks impulses to either act out or to hide that would eventually lead to damage or imbalance in the relationship. The person's intuition creates a model of the probable future world(s) depending on what he or she will do.

- Realistic expectations - The person avoids magical expectations of quick change or fairytale expectations of a perfect partner. The partner's acceptance of the partner's imperfection, negative feeling states and slow emotional change actually protects the relationship from toxic shame. The partner accepts that changing emotionally driven behavior involves time and only gradual results. Realistic expectations prevent an overwhelming amount of frustration and anger.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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What men want in a woman is someone who slays their fears. Most people go through their life never doing anything that their afraid of. This is a life that's wasted because they never go outside their comfort zone. People ultimately never experience growth if they never go outside their comfort zone and their ultimately less of a complete individual than someone who actually does bite into their fears and shakes them into submission. This is an attractive quality in women for a few reasons, which I'll explain below.

1. Few Women Face Their Fears

This is actually a pretty "cheap" reason but it is worth mentioning nonetheless. In general, it is safe to say that few women face their fears. When women are in a relationship, they tend to ask their partner to face their fear for them.

Men agree, simply because they want to be more of a man, but they're actually not doing their partner any favors by facing their fear for them. Women who face their own fears are few and far in between. Men are attracted to women who don't need them as much and will tend to gravitate towards these women more because there are less of them.

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2. They Are More Realistic

Women who have slain their fears are scared of less. That's another simple, logical conclusion. Since they are scared of less, they also have more of a realistic view of the world and appreciate life more.

They realize that their man can die at any moment. They realize that their marriage could end in divorce. They realize that they're lucky to have a man. They don't stress out about the minor details and appreciate what they have instead of trying to get more of what they don't have.

3. They Can Slay Their Man's Fears

This is a powerful point that doesn't get talked about much, simply for the fact that so many men are afraid to even mention that they are afraid of things. Damn our huge egos!

Men often get more stressed out about little things in life. Combine that with the pressure of satisfying people's expectations, meeting deadlines at work etc and you got yourself a recipe to have a mental breakdown. Ladies, if you can slay your own fears, you can slay ours too. You have no idea how beneficial that would be for us and how much more we would respect and love you for that.

What men want in a woman is someone who can help us slay our fears. This can only come if they slay their own fears too. It takes time, but the more you do it, the better you get at doing it.

Now Listen Carefully-

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