Unhappy Marriage With Kids: Staying In A Loveless Marriage Because Of Your Children

When you first get married it is naturally to believe that you will always love your spouse. Unfortunately over time a lot of couples find that they no longer love each other. This usually results in a divorce but a surprising number of couples decide to stay in loveless marriages. There are advantages to it so it may be worth considering.

The first thing that you are going to have to do if the love has gone out of your marriage is sit down with your spouse and decide if you really want to stay together. Ideally we will all have marriages in which we are deeply in love with our spouse, the sad fact is that in a lot of cases this doesn't happen. That does not mean however that the marriage has to end. You may well be getting benefits out of marriage even if the love is not there. These benefits could be emotional or financial, you will have to decide if they are a good enough reason to stay together.

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If you do decide that you are going to stay in loveless marriage you and your partner are going to have to discuss how it is going to work. The key here is to come up with a mutually acceptable arrangement for your relationship. You will also need to address any major problems that exist between the two of you.

If you are going to stay with your partner after the love is gone it may well be worth trying to rekindle it. A lot of times marriages become loveless because you don't spend enough time together. It is very easy for the kids and work to take over your marriage and leave you and your spouse spending very little time together. You may well find that if you make the time to spend with each other that you rediscover the love that you had for each other.

A rather touchy issue that has to be addressed if you are going to stay in a loveless marriage is sex. This is an important part of most marriages and there are not a lot of people who are prepared to give it up permanently. Therefore you are going to have to discuss how you are going to handle it. If you are not having sex anymore you will need to discuss why and what you are going to do about it.

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In America, about every 13 seconds a couple divorces.

That's over 46,000 divorces a week. That's a tidy sum of legal billing hours for the attorneys involved. Adding to the financial pain is the emotional trauma for the family of any couple going through that process summed up into two words. It sucks!

Here's what you need to know:

Most marriages can be saved and worst case, improved.

How do I know? I have been working with couples to resolve relationship challenges for seven years, and so far have not had one couple divorce. In my experience, people simply don't know what to do to sustain love and passion in their relationships. Who would have taught you how to deepen the connection in your marriage? Who demonstrated to you how to resolve conflicts in minutes? Who showed you the important things to avoid doing? Who gave you the key ways of sustaining passion?

Our role models matter because we know that children of divorce have much higher rates of divorce when the ultimately marry. How many of us want the day to day marriage happiness of our parents? What will be the legacy of your children?

In my opinion divorce is easy because we make simple mistakes unknowingly that devastate the relationship.

In my new book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, The Only Guide You Will Ever Need to Making Love Last, I write about 7 Breakthrough Strategies that work immediately to resolve conflicts and to improve any relationship, no matter how hopeless the situation might seem. Most anything is possible when people know what to do.

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Here's a quick summary of the strategies:

1. Can you handle the truth? Stop doing anything that you are doing that hurts the relationship. A little honesty goes a long ways here. We have all done things from time to time that have not been helpful to sustaining love and passion.

2. Check Your Vision. Know what you want, not what you don't want. Most people just wing it day by day, without any idea of what they are working towards together. As a result, they get caught up in the stressors of the moment, instead of the pursuing a vision of what they want their intimate lives to be like.

3. Correct the Polarity. People change over time and it impacts the relationship. People forget what initially captivated the hearts of the couple. If they were to go back to the beginning of the relationship and begin now to interact with each other that way, then things might change surprisingly quickly.

4. Attention and Appreciation. Some things are easy to do, and just as easy not to do. Show your partner more appreciation. Give them your attention when they need it. Give them your reassurance about your commitment instead of subtle and not so subtle hints of your unhappiness and leaving.

5. Button Pushing Push Back. When couples push each other's buttons arguments tend to escalate. The fastest way out is to remember your heart. Soften up, and bring more playfulness, fun, silliness, and surprise back into your interaction with your partner. Stop taking things, including yourself, so seriously. You'll enjoy it too.

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6. Tropical Storms. Bottled up emotions will come out. Can you have heartfelt understanding for whatever your partner is going through? Can you remember to completely focus on them when they need you? Can you tune into what's really going on without taking it as a personal attack, because it is not? Give them what they need, not what you think that they need.

7. Me First or Maybe Not. Who is going to initiate the repair or improvement of your relationship? Are you waiting for the other person to give to you because they owe you? If someone doesn't step forward first and initiate giving to meet their partner's needs, then things will never change. Many couples are silently waiting for the other person to do something to fix the marriage. Nothing ever changes that way. Take 100% responsibility for the relationship by giving to your partner first.

These strategies have been well tested with the most difficult relationship challenges that you might imagine. They work, and have been effective every time clients have tested them. I urge you to try them out for yourself if you want a happier, more fulfilling relationship.

Having a great marriage is also a choice. We each get to decide how we will interact with our partner despite past events and circumstances. Every moment creates a new opportunity to deepen the connection. What will you choose in any of those moments?

This isn't about right and wrong, or good and bad. I view relationship strategies through a simple lens; Is what I'm doing right now beneficial, helpful, or supportive to sustaining love and passion in my marriage? If the answer is no, then why are you doing it? You could choose to do something else,... or not. Your marriage happiness will reflect your choice either way. Choose wisely.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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Marriage is a lifetime vow, everybody knows this. But why are there still so many who resort to separation and divorce? Is there a magic pill to having a long and lasting marriage? Or is it just mere luck that some people manage to hold on for so long.

The truth is that marriage is hard work, it's no walk in the park and there is no magic pill to make it work. You have a daily decision to make - whether you are going to make your marriage work today or not. So read on a little to get helpful tips on the areas that you should give importance to most in your marriage.

Communication. Communication is more than just talking. It's also those glimpses across the room, the winks. Simply put, communication makes your relationship grow - taking both of you to a more intimate level. And apart from that, it's important that you should always say what's on your mind, even those little silly things. Don't expect your partner to know what you're thinking, they can't read minds, so speak up!

Trust. Trust is the most precious thing that should be guarded in a marriage. It is considered the foundation for a lifetime commitment. Although a little jealousy here and there can add spice in your married life, keep in mind that being suspicious of almost every woman your husband talks to will take a toll in your relationship.

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Be open-minded. Arguing is normal between a husband and wife. Bear in mind that you are two individuals with different points of view. The secret is to keep your disagreements "civilized"? Be open-minded. Respect each other's views and you may just come up with a better idea with the two of your ideas combined!

Learn to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes, nobody's perfect. Your partner may have broken your trust once but the most important question is: where do you go from there? Will you throw it all away for a single mistake? Or will both of you pick up the broken pieces and start afresh? If your relationship is worth fighting for, then make forgiveness a part of your vocabulary.

Making a marriage last does not need grand gestures but it simply requires you to place importance on the little things such as listening and saying "sorry" when needed. If done right, you are on your way to a long and happy married life!

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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What men want in a woman is a lover. "Well duh, Jack. How obvious is this?" I hear you. But I have something up my sleeve, as usual. I'm not talking about a lover of the sexual kind (I'm assuming that you're already in that position). I'm talking about a lover of a different kind. Love is something which is a desired quality in all humans, yet seems so hard to attain. What kinds of "love" do you think men are inherently attracted to? As you'll soon find out, most kinds of love, actually. Let's go through this in more detail to see what I'm talking about.

1. Love = Passion

Love is so hard to attain for some people simply because they aren't passionate about anything. When you find someone who is passionate about something, it is truly something to behold.

They don't care what people think about them. They could talk 24/7 about this passion of theirs. Their eyes light up when they're talking about this. Even if you've never heard of what they're passionate about, you can't help but get dragged into this passion of theirs.

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2. Boring Passions

Now let's be realistic. What if there are people who are passionate about things that are hard to get passionate about, like stamp collecting, knitting or collecting coins? There's nothing wrong with that.

The person who's passionate about it won't be bothered, because they're passionate. The person who isn't passionate (the husband, say) will at least respect that there is another love of their wife's life other than himself.

3. Competition

Continuing on from the previous point, someone who is passionate about something other than their husband has less time and money to spend on them. The husband, respecting his wife's passion realizes that the time he does have with his wife is limited and is therefore more valuable.

This simply goes back to the idea of supply and demand. If the wife loves collecting old English China, the man will either have to spend time with her doing it or realize that the time spent with her can't be wasted.

What men want in a woman is a lover, but not with him. She has to be a lover of other hobbies. This will make her more inherently attractive since she will have less time and money to spend on him, but also because she appears confident since she doesn't care what people think about her passion.

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here

Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com