Setting Sex Goals For 2011

We set resolutions, goals and targets for all manner of things, from our career and our finances to our love life; so why not for our sexual lives?

Your face might be wearing a bemused expression after seeing the above title. But, let’s pause and think about it. We set resolutions, goals and targets for all manner of things, from our career and our finances to our love life; so why not for our sexual lives?
Still sounds strange? Setting sex goals within your relationship can have a very positive impact. Here’s how and why:

1. Have a reality check: Sex does not magically happen. You love your spouse and want to maintain an intimate connection. However, life often gets in the way. You are stymied by a lack of time and energy, and maybe having kids has caused the times available for having sex from being erratic to the point of being virtually non-existent. Or, perhaps, sex has turned into a dull routine and you don’t know how to rekindle your connection.
Rather than continuing to channel your energy into a distraction such as your job, kids, volunteering, the internet or television; and/or feeling and acting like a victim, recognise that having a healthy and positive sex life takes effort.

2. Take a frank inventory of your sex life. Pull a chapter out of what you apply at work on a daily basis and tackle this with an unshakeable resolve to move forward and change what is not working. Think about what you want to have happen within your sex life in the immediate-, mid- and long-term.
Craft a specific vision of what you want the end result to be. What does good sex mean to you? How would you describe a perfect sexual encounter? The more detailed you are, the easier it will be to paint a memorable picture in your head, and inevitably the higher the chances are of making it happen.

3. Break it down. There is probably some unresolved sex-baggage that needs to be worked on before you can comfortably go from no sex, to anticipating, wanting and having sex twice a week or more. Do not set yourself up for failure. Instead, agree on small ‘sex goals’ as a more realistic approach.
Small, incremental baby steps that are easy to digest, take on, show progress on, and do not require major life upheavals are more likely to be received well. Once you have made your goal an unconscious habit, then can you move on to your next small step.

4. Remember to get a “buy-in”. Your sex goal is not something to be done in secret. Healthy communication, negotiation and mutual respect need to take place if your end vision is to come to happy fruition. Discuss and get a commitment from your partner.

5. Do progress check-ins. Both of you are focused, enthusiastic and excited about the new plan. However, it is normal for unresolved sticky issues to pop up, prompting an unwelcome return to your old sex routine, thus plunging both of you into a deeper level of helplessness.
Periodic progress check-ins are critical. Sit down every three months and reflect upon how much progress (if any) has happened. What went well? What would make things better? How can you keep up the momentum? Keep the lines of communication going. Remember, small but steady steps forward.
The choices you make effect the quality of relationship you experience. Sex goals can help create a beacon of hope where there was once none. Revise them if you need to but continue working at your sex life. Also, there is no reason to suffer in silence or struggle alone. If you need support, then there is qualified help available in Singapore.