Soul Mates

Many people ask me if they will ever meet their soul mate or if the person currently in their lives is their soul mate. Since this is an issue where there may be some misunderstanding, I thought I would try to clarify what exactly is a soul mate.

When people ask me about their soul mate, I understand that they are looking for that one special person who will fulfill their dreams. This is the person, who will always understand you, be there for you, and fill all that inner emptiness you have been unable to fulfill. Well, I am sorry to disappoint you but that is not the job of a soul mate.

In the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, she summarizes the concept of a soul mate so well that I thought I would quote what she has to say. She says “People think a soul mate is a perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so that you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down the wall and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah! Too painful!

Soul mates come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for that”.

“A soul mate can sometime shake you out of a marriage that you needed to leave, tear your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so a new light can get in. Make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. Sometimes we can’t accept that a soul mate relationship has a short shelf life. It’s okay to still love them and miss them. Send them some love and light every time you think about them and then drop it and move on“.

Often we are just afraid of being alone, scared to death of what will happen if we are alone; that we will never be loved like that again. When we clear out the space and time we spend obsessing over a soul mate, we create a vacuum and guess what the universe does with that doorway? God rushes in and fills it with more love that you ever dreamed of. Stop using loss to block that doorway “.

By definition, soul mates are other souls with whom we have shared previous lives. With some souls, we have shared many lifetimes together while with others, it may have had been only one or two. The more lifetimes we have shared, the stronger the feeling of connection we will have towards that person. You know you have encountered a soul mate by the feeling you get when you meet that person for the first time and you feel as if you know them already.

Soul mates come in many forms. They are not just our lovers but can be members of our family, friends, co-workers, etc. Think about the people who are close to you and ask ”Do they elicit those feelings?”

Our feelings towards soul mates may not always be positive. They are colored by our previous life experiences with them. For example, if you were enemies in a previous life, you may not feel as if you cannot trust them. If you were lovers, you may want to continue that type of relationship.

As souls incarnate together, a bond of love develops no matter the nature of your relationships during your stay on Earth. Imagine your soul mates as actors in a play. One person plays the good guy and the other the bad guy. When the play is over everyone goes out for beer and the roles you played on stage don’t really matter. You are still good friends. This is how it is with souls. Souls choose to incarnate with one another because of the love they have for each other.

We continue to incarnate with the same souls because both souls have the same lessons to learn. Even if one is abusive and one a victim, these are the roles both souls agreed to play in this lifetime. Even though victim/abuser relationships are painful, they prompt us to learn self empowerment. They act as mirrors and help us to get a clearer picture of who we really are and what we came to learn.

Prior to incarnating, we plan our future lifetime and this includes who we will meet and the roles we will play. There really are no mistakes as we all made these choices before we get here. Unfortunately we do not remember these choices so we sometimes feel like we are being punished or rewarded.

The most important question you can ask yourself about a soul mate is “What can I learn from this relationship?” If you do not know the answer to that question, then you are not complete with the relationship. Even if the relationship ends, you will only attract another person into your life who will present you with the same lessons, albeit they will have a different face and body. We don’t get to graduate until we have mastered our lessons.

The best way to look upon soul mate relationships is to have realistic expectations. They are not here to fulfill your every need but to help you grow and learn. Once you have mastered the lesson you came to learn it is okay to let go and move on. Perhaps there is another soul mate waiting in the wings to have a relationship with you. Be thankful they have been in your life.

If you have questions about the soul mates in your lives, please feel free to contact me especially if you wish to know why they are in your lives or what is your life lesson or soul purpose.

I am available for personal and telephone readings, empowerment coaching, hypnotherapy, and healing either by responding to this newsletter or calling me at 505 474-6363 or 514 312-2451. Online classes, my books, and guided meditation CD's are available by visiting to http://www.sharoncheney.com.