Stop 'Shoulding' All Over Yourself

You should read more.
You should drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.
You should spend more time with family and less time at work.

You should have a college degree.
You should take time out to smell the roses.
You should be able to stand your ground with anyone.

You should take multi-vitamins.
You should vote.
You should exercise 3 times a week for at least 45 minutes.
You should have all the answers or care enough to find them.

You shouldn't care what other people think.
You shouldn't eat that.
You shouldn't speed through a yellow light.
You shouldn't forget anyone's birthday.
You shouldn't travel to countries where there is unrest.
You shouldn't take God's name in vain.
You shouldn't talk to strangers.

Geez! For that matter maybe you shouldn't be carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and yet I know many of you are.

Are you tired yet?

If so, may I humbly suggest that you stop "shoulding" all over yourself?

I say that tongue in cheek, but there's an implied serious undertone. So please indulge me for a moment as I explain what I mean and give you a simple way to stop that shoulding.

You see, I was once covered and mired by all the "shoulds" I’d been holding onto. After all, I had roles and responsibilities! I had things to care for which didn't allow me to play in any kind of silly world that dared to suggest anything else was possible. But you know what? One day my world was turned upside down when my best friend asked me for a divorce and all those rules started to fly right out the window.

That was one of the worst and best days of my life. I won't lie, it hurt, but it also started a chain of events that set me free! As it turned out, the liberation was incredibly addictive and soon I chose to release that yucky "s" word (and any like it) from my vocabulary and my life.

We all have a choice. We may feel obligated or believe the laws that we've always lived with indicate we have no choice - but that just isn't true. No one can make you do anything. No one. I know, you may think I've gone off the deep end, but hear me out:

True, you may CHOOSE to stop at a red light, but that is still a CHOICE you get to make. Maybe you elect to follow that particular rule because you value order and believe not doing it would contribute toward chaos; or you fear the price of a ticket should a cop see you do it; or it became instinct after a car wreck you'd been in.

Yes, you may CHOOSE to put your children first, but that is still a CHOICE you get to make. Maybe you do so because you can't imagine anything else; or that's what your parents or spouse expect; or so you can like feel like a martyr.

Of course, you may CHOOSE to work the 50+ hours you feel are necessary or expected of you at work, but that is still a CHOICE you get to make. Maybe you do so because everyone else on your team does; or maybe you aren't comfortable with delegating; or maybe you think it
may lead to a promotion and raise.

Do you know why you make the choices you do?

The sooner you realize that you can, in fact, choose one way over another, the sooner you'll feel empowered. And the sooner you feel empowered, the sooner you can consciously and purposefully create the life you want. Isn't that what this is all about? To live life on your terms in a way that doesn't hurt anyone else but significantly enhances yours. Yeah, that’s what I’m all about and, if you've read this far, I'm thinking you are too.

CHALLENGE

If this strikes a chord, then I challenge you to brainstorm all the "shoulds" in your life. Then carry that list around with you for a week and add to it. At the end of the week, pull out that list and evaluate it with these questions in mind:

• Why did I choose the one I did?
• What is one "good" and one "bad" thing that might have happened if I had made another choice?
• What is another choice I could have made?
• Am I happy with the choice I made?

I bet money your answers will leave you feeling empowered, either to continue making the same choices or to start making new ones.

Honestly, just by giving it some conscious thought you'll be ahead of the curve when it comes to living a life that you want.