Taking Stress Out On Spouse: My Husband Is Stressed And Takes It Out On Me

Marriage is not a competition to see whose ways and viewpoints ultimately win out.

If you take that attitude by always trying to prove you are right and the other wrong, you should expect a married life of tension and discord. Instead, there are three great ways to reduce stress and overcome the chance of a life long feud.

First: instead, welcome your partner's input and perspective, work together to achieve goals and know when it is more important to back off then get your way. You got into this relationship and love this person for their uniqueness and individuality. The way you both balance each other, the ying and yang of live, should enhance your marriage not cause stress. Take the time to nurture your partner's gifts and strengths and encourage your partner to do the same for you.

Second: try a little empathy here, how would you like to lose all the time? You are not going to make your loved one change any time soon, and if there is a bit of a change it will be done out of resentment.

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Praise and appreciation moves mountains of challenges and trusting conversations brings done walls.

There are so many challenges that happen in a marriage and in life that not having a strong trust and communication foundation makes for an unhappy relationship and even greater stress. By pulling together and meeting the challenges together head on will help make the marriage strong.

Third: when you view your marriage as an experience for sharing and not hoarding of viewpoints and feelings the marriage will grow. When trust and openness is paramount and cooperation and mutual respect is added, your days are sure to be happier and more stress-free.

This takes effort and work and the old adage that marriage is a 50-50 proposition is not true. It takes 100% of your effort and energy and 100% of your partners' effort and energy to make the relationship work and grow.

Remember that working to keep the idea of competition out of your marriage will take a life to resolve if you have started to develop this idea early on. You have to undo some bad feelings and gain trust back. Your married life is worth your effort and the relationship with your loved one is too.

You should understand that being a giver and a caring person shows you are strong and capable.

Keep completion in the sports arena not in your marriage.

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When your marriage is failing, either you or your spouse may fall into destructive patterns that are reflected on how you deal with each other. Either of you can get physical or nag all the time because you feel it's the only way you can let your spouse listen and see your point. If this is happening in your marriage now, you are in a total mess. You are not only hurting each other but you are ruining your marriage. These actions cannot be negotiated; it must be put to a halt if you want to stay married.

Neither of you can justify these actions by just saying this is me. Your destructive attitude is the result of unresolved issues from the past that have accumulated through time. But must you really linger on the ugly things of have been and ruin your marriage? Keep in mind that words can hurt worse than a real wound and it leaves scars that take longer time to heal. And hurting your spouse can just widen the gap that has torn your marriage apart.

If you want to know how to save your marriage, these damaging actions must be avoided at all cost.

Undependable Spouse and Breaking One's Promises

You think that just because you two are already married, it is OK to break your promises? If you have made a promise but you can't keep it, be honest and say so. It is better to be honest that let your spouse expect so much only to be disappointed over and over again. When you say you will, you must. A lifetime commitment means sharing a life with someone who you can depend on from simplest to big things because it matters. Remember that trust is built over time and you wouldn't want your spouse to lose trust in you. Letting your spouse down and not keeping your word sends the wrong signal of indifference on your part and will damage your marriage.

Physical and / or Emotional Abuse on Your Spouse

You and your spouse share a life but you don't own your spouse. Maybe the use of foul language or treating your spouse like a slave is normal, but the reality is it is not. Physically and verbally abusing your spouse and maybe even your children may bring your marriage to an end. There's a limit to anyone's patience and tolerance. Do not be surprised if one day your spouse cannot take it anymore and just break away from you and the marriage. If you want to work things out and stay married, you must seek counseling if you tend to be in any manner abusive.

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Putting Romance Aside

So many changes can happen in all the years that you are married but that must not include your affection and love for each other. If you don't talk about each other's expectations on romance, affection, or even sex, it will hurt your relationship. You do not need to wait for special occasions to express your love and appreciation towards your spouse. Romanticism is not exclusive for dating couples alone. You can be romantic everyday of your lives if you would just make an effort to be one. Hold hands when you are watching or hug when your spouse least expects it are just simple ways to be romantic. But its effect is a feeling of being wanted again.

Unwillingness or Inability to Forgive

Whether you are the aggrieved spouse or the aggressor, you have to forgive your spouse and yourself from any mistake. Failure to do so will harm both your physical health, emotional health, and your marriage. Resentments from betrayals and past mistakes will only tear your worlds apart and your love for your spouse may slowly die. To forgive does not mean you have to forget or overlook hurtful actions. But it would benefit both of you and your marriage if you will not let stubbornness and vengeful thoughts and acts end what could be fixed. Do not waste your time and effort looking back at past disappointments, insensitivity, anger, and other negative thoughts. Nothing will be achieved with this but bitterness and hate. Instead, focus on what can you do to get over any trial and learn to forgive.

Declining to Converse or Listen with Spouse

If you will shut your spouse off your life, thoughts, and feelings, you might as well have not married in the first place. But since you have your spouse to take part in your outlooks and thoughts, you must both listen and talk with each other. When you decline the willingness of your spouse to share and listen with you, you are turning away from putting back mental and emotional intimacy or maybe even physical intimacy with your spouse. It is very easy to say what is in your mind but what is in your heart is really important in order to keep the communication line open. When both of you can manage to do this, you will be in the right track in saving your marriage.

Jealousy and Lack of Trust

While a little and occasional jealousy can put a little mystery and spark to your married life, too much of it can suffocate your spouse. Irrational jealousy is one way that can surely drive either of the spouses away. Your inability to trust your spouse's fidelity might even result to spying which can really be dangerous and ruin the marriage. If you cannot acknowledge your jealousy or change your attitude, you have best seek professional counseling to address this issue.

Whether you have been married for a few years, a decade or more, you must always remember that both of you have feelings and individuality that you must learn to respect. When respect is lost, one or both will realize too late that you fell into a pothole of negativity. You will see that all you ever do are damaging actions. These damaging actions can do nothing but harm a marriage. Learn to avoid those actions to stay in a healthy marriage.

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At least 43% of all marriages end in divorce, but you don't have to be part of that statistic. No matter what the problem in your relationship, whether it is infidelity, a break down in communication, or you are just arguing more and more - there IS hope out there for you. As long as you both still love each other and there is some spark left in your hearts somewhere, your marriage is salvageable. Sure, it may take time and effort, but working on your marriage can lead to having a deeper love and commitment for one another than you have ever had before.

Isn't it worth taking a second look to see if there is something there worth saving? Yes, throwing in the towel now may be the easiest thing for you to do, but that does not mean that is what is going to make you happier in the long run. Divorce is not always the best option when you are in an unhappy marriage. There are several different options to weigh up and divorce should always be the last.

Some people have found marriage counselling effective. There are also a variety of self help books that are written specifically to help stop impending divorce. Some books are even offered electronically and are available for download instantly. You can get helpful advice, ideas and inspiration from these ebooks, enabling you both to work on the problems in your relationship almost immediately and look forward to a more stable and happy marriage.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Whether or not we realize it, our relationships dictate the amount of happiness and satisfaction we achieve in life. Now, we're not just talking about romantic relationships, but, rather, all of the relationships we have in our lives. Everyone we interact with plays a vital role in how we perceive ourselves and the world around us, so you can see how important it is to nurture healthy and supportive relationships. Maybe, you're happy in your current situation, or perhaps you're struggling. In any case, we know that the best of relationships can always get better. Read on to discover 10 essential steps to improve every relationship in your life.

~One: Know What You Value~

Before you can start improving anything about your relationships, you need to know what is deeply important to you. Figuring this out requires you to go deep inside and discover what you most truly value in a relationship. Keep in mind that values aren't the same thing as strategies. Strategies involve very specific details (I value finding a partner in the next six months); while values are much broader in scope (I value caring and consideration.) Once you discover what it is that you value, you'll then have the clarity to be able to get those things from your relationships.

~Two: Know What You Do Want~

Often, people tend to focus on the things that they don't want in a relationship. This kind of thinking produces thoughts such as, "I don't want my spouse to spend so much time at work" or "I don't want my mother criticizing everything I do." While not wanting these things is understandable, it's very hard to get results when you're dealing with all the things that you don't want. Instead, think about what it is that you DO want. Maybe what you really want is to spend more time with your spouse and to receive more appreciation from your mother. Knowing what you want is the only way to start getting the things that you want in a relationship.

~Three: Create Alignment~

Another essential step in improving your relationships is the ability to create alignment with others about what you want in your relationships. Instead of working separately toward your own agenda, try finding common goals that you share with your partner. When you have alignment about what you want, and you start sharing the same vision for the relationship, making agreements and accomplishing results happens much more easily. This opens the way for greater success and mutual satisfaction.

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~Four: Stop Taking Things Personally~

This step is difficult for many people because, as humans, we seem to have taught ourselves to react emotionally to situations where we feel hurt, or vulnerable. In order to learn how to stop taking things to heart, it's important that we understand that people's words and actions are prompted by a desire to meet their own needs, or to support something that they value. In other words, while it may seem to you that they're launching a personal attack, what's really happening is that something they need or value is missing from the situation. Once we understand that their actions are all about them-not us-it's easier to move forward and solve the problem instead of reacting to it.

~Five: Explore What They Want~

Beyond just creating alignment to fulfill your own values and desires, it's just as important that you identify very clearly what the other person would ideally like to have in your relationship - what they value most and want to experience. Once you and your partner have an understanding about what you both want from your relationship, you can move forward to achieve mutual satisfaction and contentment.

~Six - Give 100% Presence~

Step six is all about putting your own judgments and opinions aside and really listening to what your partner has to say. So much of our communication is clouded with our own feelings, desires, and agendas; it's easy to miss important clues about what the other partner really needs to make the relationship work. Giving the gift of your presence to someone else shows that you truly care about making a deep and lasting connection.

~Seven: Have an Alignment Conversation~

Once you've identified what you want and value, and you've given your presence to your partner and come to an understanding about what they want and value, it's time to have a very clear, conscious conversation about what you each want to create in your relationship. Do you want to spend more time together? Do you want to be more appreciative of each other? The alignment conversation is your time to formulate a blueprint for the actions you and your partner agree to take to insure that both of you get what you need.

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~Eight: Be Gentle With Yourself~

We've spent a lot of time talking about the steps you need to take to be there for your partner. Throughout the process, it's also important to take care of yourself. It's common for alignment conversations to stir up past resentments as you focus on how to change the situation that created them in the first place. When you start to feel uncomfortable, or angry about the emotions the conversation brings up - STOP. Give yourself a breather and take the time to examine the reasons beneath the feelings you are having. As we mentioned before, everything that everyone says or does is motivated by a value that isn't being supported, and this includes the voice inside your head. Figure out what may be triggering your emotions before moving on with the conversation.

~Nine: Create Agreements through Negotiation~

Once you've created an alignment with your partner, you'll need to make some concrete agreements about how to reach your goals for the relationship. For example, if you both decide that you would like to create more trust, perhaps you'll create an agreement about checking in with each when you need more information. The best way to reach these agreements is through negotiation with your partner. Negotiation is a lot like dancing: you step forward, your partner steps back, you turn around and then meet in the middle. Perfecting this dance takes some practice, but once you start actively doing the dance, it will get easier and easier.

~Ten: Trust the Process~

Last, but not least, in order for these steps to work, it's imperative that you trust the process. Things may not go exactly as you imagine, but that doesn't mean that your efforts aren't making a difference. Trusting the process means putting the brakes on your skepticism, refusing to give in to unproductive thoughts that may arise, and believing that it's really and truly possible for everyone to be satisfied with the outcome. The best way to fully trust the process is to become an Explorer.
An Explorer believes that there is something to discover, they have a commitment to discover it, and they are in action creating strategies to fulfill their commitment.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com