If you think opposites attract, think again! Just about everyone believes that opposites attract, but they don’t. Yet many relationship experts write that people seek partners whose traits complement their own.
THE OPPOSITES ATTRACT MYTH
It’s a myth that opposites attract, states Matthew ... Views: 308
Everyone can point to an event that changed their life. For me, it was the anger workshop.
The alcoholism treatment center in San Francisco, where I worked in the 1970s, had an “anything goes” culture for staff. We were encouraged to get in touch with our feelings, express them, and act them ... Views: 528
An oxymoron is basically a contradiction in terms. It's a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction, for example, 'working holiday,' 'plastic silverware,' or 'awfully good.'
So does it make sense to pair the words, lasting and love, together these days? Is ... Views: 455
"If you know what you do, you can do what you want," Feldenkrais instructor Ruti Gorel quotes Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais.
The Feldenkrais method prescribes gentle, mindful exercises. While doing them, I become deeply relaxed. Afterward, my posture improves. The method focuses on ... Views: 480
What San Francisco Giants fan won't miss Buster Posey? At the top of his career, the seven-time all-star who won three World Series surprised many of us by announcing his retirement at age 34 in early November.
Why? Posey cites the desire to spend more time with his family and a recognition ... Views: 640
Every society in the world praises the value of love. Love takes us beyond self-centeredness and motivates us to connect meaningfully with another.
Yet, too often, the secular ideal of love emphasizes being loved, or at least receiving love in reciprocation for the love one gives.
In ... Views: 458
Have you heard that marriage can get boring? This doesn’t need to happen, but it can feel ho-hum when things have gotten way too predictable. Routines are important, but this doesn’t mean that the thrills have to end,
By trying out activities that are different from your usual ones, you’ll ... Views: 759
Romance novels, movies, and fairytales glorify love at first sight, which rarely leads to a fulfilling marriage, because it is usually based on fantasy.
Yes, there are exceptions, but Anna’s experience is more common.
In Hebrew, “the word for love — ahavah — includes the Aramaic word hav, ... Views: 1184
As a therapist, I see a common self-defeating pattern in clients: they hold back from expressing their authentic selves — their true feelings, wants, and needs — to their relationship partner.
By not communicating our true selves, we miss the opportunity to gain the kind of relationship we ... Views: 1131
What do you expect from marriage? Honestly, do you think everything should be perfect?
Actually, many people marry and soon find that their spouse is annoying — not constantly of course, but more than they expected. Fairy tales and romantic novels suggest that a good marriage is an ... Views: 1311
If you're in a close relationship, sometimes your partner is likely to say something that jars you. Maybe you feel tightness in your throat, chest or elsewhere, You might forget to breather.
Do you change the subject? Call her or him selfish, unreasonable, or inconsiderate? Or ... Views: 1156
If you have unfinished business about a former relationship, you're not alone. Many of us enter a new relationship before really completing a former one. However, it’s important to gain a sense of closure about a past relationship in order to succeed in a new one.
Closure, in the ... Views: 1266
Empathic means being able to understand and share the feelings of another.
Can you talk to your loved one about your feelings, hopes, goals and dreams? Does he (or she) listen and respond empathically? If he does, wow! But if he doesn’t, don’t necessarily rule him out. Many men, and some ... Views: 1268
"Flexibility is a sign of mental health", psychiatrist Tom Smith used to say when we were colleagues San Francisco’s Alcoholism Evaluation and Treatment Center.
I was single then and in my late twenties. The men I dated were usually flexible. They had to be, because it was usually “my way or ... Views: 1267
Do you think marriage means loss of freedom? Actually, a good marriage supports you to be free to be who you are, because partners consider each other’s needs, as well as their own.
It takes some maturity to live in awareness of both partners needs. Happy couples balance spending time ... Views: 3092
You’ve probably heard it’s best to be yourself. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? It might help to recall Oscar Wilde's quip: "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
Yet many of us, wanting to please someone with whom we are in a close relationship—or with whom we may hope to be--forget to ... Views: 1195
“No man is an island” said 17th-century author John Donne.
Spouses become interdependent in many ways. But this does not force them to give up their separate identities. It is important to keep one's individuality after tying the knot. Yet, none of us is totally self-sufficient.
In fact, ... Views: 1359
Proving that we're oh so right or smart may be a way to nourish our egos, but there's a better way to foster a great relationship. Buy setting our ego aside, i.e., by being humble, we make room for the other person to flourish.
Humility means accepting the truth that you are not always right, ... Views: 1720
“Marriages are forms of super friendship,” says John F. Helliwell, Senior Fellow of the Canadian Institute for Advanced Research
Some marriages begin with love at first sight. Usually, but not always, they fail after the initial buzz wears off. Others begin with a friendship that grows ... Views: 1275
Can you show grace during those awkward relationship times? The word, “grace” can mean charm, which is a nice quality to cultivate in ourselves. In a religious context, as in the song, “Amazing Grace,” it means unearned kindness.
You may be the giver of this kind of grace or its receiver. ... Views: 1397
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Balance is Key — in Yoga and Relationships - by Marcia Naomi Berger, LCSW, author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted (New World Library), is a psychotherapist in San Rafael, California. She helps people create relationships that are fulfilling in all the important ways-emotionally and spiritually as well as physically and materially, whether they are already married or want to be. www.marriagemeetings.com
Have you tried the yoga tree pose? You stand straight, then raise one foot and place it against the calf of the leg that is taking all your weight. Staying in this pose for thirty seconds can feel like an eternity. It’s easy to lose your balance.
But as yoga instructor Beth Huizenga from ... Views: 1345
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Can Good Marriages Have Unresolved Conflicts? - by Marcia Naomi Berger, LCSW, author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted (New World Library), is a psychotherapist in San Rafael, California. She helps people create relationships that are fulfilling in all the important ways-emotionally and spiritually as well as physically and materially, whether they are already married or want to be. www.marriagemeetings.com
Even in the best marriages, not all conflicts get resolved. According to psychologist John Gottman’s research, 69 percent of problems in marriage do not get solved.[1]
His good news is that in good marriages many perpetual issues that are not deal breakers can be managed. It's not the ... Views: 1404
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Can Prayer Really Help Relationships? - by Marcia Naomi Berger, LCSW, author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted (New World Library), is a psychotherapist in San Rafael, California. She helps people create relationships that are fulfilling in all the important ways-emotionally and spiritually as well as physically and materially, whether they are already married or want to be. www.marriagemeetings.com
Personally, I grew up with no encouragement to pray. I used to have a vague sense that prayer was for simple, naïve folks, that it was the “opiate for the masses.” So I do understand if you don’t relate to the concept.
But perhaps you do.
Most Americans Pray Daily.
According to a Pew ... Views: 1329
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Women and Money--in Dating and Marriage - by Marcia Naomi Berger, LCSW, author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted (New World Library), is a psychotherapist in San Rafael, California. She helps people create relationships that are fulfilling in all the important ways-emotionally and spiritually as well as physically and materially, whether they are already married or want to be. www.marriagemeetings.com
Who isn’t at least a little bit weird about money, anyway? The topic seems filled with ambiguity lately, and a wealth (ahem) of possible answers.
Money is a sensitive topic for most of us--in dating and in marriage.
How Do You View Money? Early in our lives, we gain lasting ideas about ... Views: 1783
Whether you've already married or might want to be, why not learn an easy way to keep your relationship happy and lifelong?
Regardless of life's ups and downs, if you've chosen your partner well, you can continue to enjoy romance, romance, intimacy, and teamwork. You'll deal with issues ... Views: 1343
"So what's the secret for a good marriage? asked my single friend, Ellen.
"Choose wisely and learn what it takes to stay happily married," I blurted out. Yet many of us first need to believe that we can succeed in marriage.
Marriage has changed in recent decades. In general, women no ... Views: 1346
What does the immensely popular book, "The Boys in the Boat" have to do with marriage?
Hint: Ask yourself what you think a great marriage looks like? Spouses enjoying being together, basically in harmony for a lifetime?
Or does "happily married" sound to you like an impossible ... Views: 1555
Hero worship makes me uncomfortable. I am an extremely minor public figure, except among certain family members and friends who inflate my fame as author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love. As a marriage expert, I sense that many people who have heard of me think I must be a perfect marriage ... Views: 1437
Saying "thank you" is gracious. These are two words we all like to hear. How do you respond to someone who thanks you? This common replay makes me cringe: "No Problem!"
"No problem." "No worries." We hear these words from sales clerks, food servers, and others after we thank them for doing ... Views: 1727
People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness.
-- Albert Ellis
Maybe you've heard the joke that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. Actually, the good ... Views: 1296
"So what's the secret for a good marriage?" asked Ellen, 72. She's been single since her early twenties, after divorcing her physically abusive ex-husband.
"Choose wisely and learn what it takes to succeed in marriage," I said instinctively.
Never Too Late for Love
While this ... Views: 1820
Is there a difficult person in your life? ll of us are likely to know someone who "pushes our buttons." The person could be almost anyone -- a spouse, in-law, other relative, friend, coworker, boss--or even (gasp!) our self!
Which reminds me of what Rabbi Joseph Richards said: "People are ... Views: 2066
Depending on who you are, talking about money with a partner may be taboo, acceptable, or somewhere in between. In many cultures and families, it is not okay to talk about money. In others, it's fine to speak openly about it. Regardless of which category you fit into, understanding the source of ... Views: 1388
Many singles are conflicted about marrying. They yearn for the fulfillment a good marriage brings but are afraid to commit. They fear it won't work out, which given the current high rate of marriage failures, is understandable.
It should come as no surprise that it takes a leap of faith to ... Views: 1450
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How Brainstorming Ends Disagreements, Makes Couples Happy - by Marcia Naomi Berger, LCSW, author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted (New World Library), is a psychotherapist in San Rafael, California. She helps people create relationships that are fulfilling in all the important ways-emotionally and spiritually as well as physically and materially, whether they are already married or want to be. www.marriagemeetings.com
Do you sometimes feel like you and your partner are stuck in a disagreement? By using the brainstorming for solutions technique, you can end up with a resolution with which you're both happy.
Corporations use a structured brainstorming process in order to make good decisions. This method also ... Views: 1749
Many people think that if a marriage is basically healthy all issues get resolved. Yet according to psychologist and author John Gottman's groundbreaking research, a whopping 69 percent of problems in marriage do not get solved.[1] His good news, though, is that many problems can be managed. ... Views: 1396
Can a Good Marriage Have Problems?
If your partner says, "We have a problem," does your chest tighten? Do you forget to breathe? What goes through your mind? "A problem! Aggh! Does that mean he (or she) will leave me? Is our relationship doomed?" Do you imagine that something is terribly ... Views: 1442
"People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness." -- Albert Ellis
For a good relationship, who do you think is the most important person with whom you should ... Views: 1406
If your relationship is good, you shouldn't have to "work" on it, right?
Fairy tales promote the effortless happily-ever-after marriage myth when we are at an impressionable age. Later we view romantic movies and read novels with happily-ever-after endings.
Consequently, it's easy to ... Views: 1465
When it comes to a potentially romantic relationship, chemistry is a loaded word. Does one of these beliefs pop into your mind when you hear it?
• For a good relationship, chemistry needs to be there right away.
• Chemistry might not be felt initially but can develop later.
• Love at ... Views: 1602
Most New Year's resolutions sound wonderful. But you know what happens: They're out the window before February. The best way to keep your promise is to start small.
Although I'm about to suggest some resolutions to enrich your relationship, I recommend that you commit to just one, after first ... Views: 1398
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ---Mignon McLaughlin
Can you imagine your partner and yourself holding a weekly formal meeting? The idea might intrigue ... Views: 1330
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken, quipped Oscar Wilde. You've probably heard it's best to be yourself. Sounds easy, doesn't it?
Yet many of us, wanting to please someone with whom we are in a close relationship--or with whom we may hope to be--forget to follow this advice and end ... Views: 1232
"When you talk you are only repeating what you already know. But when you listen you might learn something new" --attributed alternately to the Dalai Lama and author J.P. McEvoy.
"Are you a convincer or a listener?" asks Melissa Orlov, ... Views: 1526
"A love without reproof is no love."
---Rabbi Yosi ben Chanina
Reproof is defined as rebuke or criticism. You may feel safer by seething silently when irked by a potential or actual marriage partner's behavior. But sometimes speaking up, with kindness and respect, at a time when both ... Views: 1119
If you're a woman who's been wanting marriage for a long time, and it hasn't happened, possibly your attitude has been holding you back. Women in my "Marry with Confidence" workshops have expressed these attitudes:
• All the good men are married.
• There aren't enough single men in my ... Views: 1403
While still single, Emily discovered something important about marriage. She had heard the part about two becoming one. The eye-opener for her was learning how to remain a vibrant individual while being a relationship partner.
When she wasn’t involved with a man, Emily spent her free time ... Views: 1179