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Articles from Rick Hanson | Selfgrowth.com
- Relax, You've Arrived - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2023 from Rick HansonWe spend so much of our time trying to get somewhere. Part of this comes from our biological nature. To survive, animals – including us – have to be goal-directed, leaning into the future. It’s certainly healthy to pursue wholesome aims, like paying the rent on time, raising children well, ...
Views: 353 - Remember the Big Things - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2023 from Rick HansonIn every life, reminders arrive about what's really important. I’ve received some myself, as I’m sure you have, too. Perhaps it was news of a potentially serious health problem, the death of a loved one, or an accident that could have turned fatal. These are uncomfortably concrete messages ...
Views: 364 - Rest - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2023 from Rick HansonThis practice is definitely a case of teaching what you need to learn: I've been working through a big bucket of tasks lately with little chance to rest. (I console myself knowing that the bucket is emptying a lot faster than it's filling with new tasks.) Sometimes you can really feel what ...
Views: 369 - Rest in Center - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2024 from Rick HansonGravity and entropy are powerful processes in the natural world. Gravity draws things together, toward a center, while entropy scatters them into disorder. In much the same way, in our own lives, some things bring us to the center, while others disturb and disperse us. In terms of ...
Views: 134 - Rest Your Weary Head - by Submitted on Jan 29, 2024 from Rick HansonThe traditional saying that's this week's practice has been sinking in for me lately. Thoughts have been swirling around like a sandstorm about work, things I've been reading, household tasks, finances, concerns about people, a yard that needs mowing, loose ends, projects, etc. etc. The other ...
Views: 292 - Says Thanks - by Submitted on Mar 06, 2023 from Rick HansonWhat do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, or an encouraging word. You probably feel seen, and appreciated, and that you matter to the other person. Maybe a little startled, maybe wondering if you really ...
Views: 383 - See Beings Not Bodies - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2023 from Rick HansonWhen we encounter someone, usually the mind automatically slots the person into a category: older, younger, your friend Tom, the kid next door, etc. Watch this happen in your own mind as you meet or talk with a co-worker, sales clerk, or family member. In effect, the mind summarizes and ...
Views: 329 - See Deep Wants - by Submitted on Apr 22, 2024 from Rick HansonI did my Ph.D. dissertation by videotaping 20 mother-toddler pairs and analyzing what happened when the mom offered an alternative to a problematic want ("not the chainsaw, sweetie, how about this red truck?!"). Hundreds of bleary-eyed hours later, I found that offering alternatives reduced the ...
Views: 246 - See Good Intentions - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2024 from Rick HansonHustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop’s refrigerator, a man bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he’d put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying, “This one is cold.” I ...
Views: 258 - See Progress - by Submitted on May 15, 2023 from Rick HansonThere are always things that are getting worse. For example, over the past year, you probably know someone who has become unemployed or ill or both, and there’s more carbon in the atmosphere inexorably heating up the planet. But if you don’t recognize what’s improving in your own life, then ...
Views: 378 - See the Good in Others - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2023 from Rick HansonMany interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, or via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's ...
Views: 385 - See the Person Behind the Eyes - by Submitted on Nov 21, 2022 from Rick HansonMost of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings and presents a polished, controlled face to the world. To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time to ...
Views: 385 - See What's Likable - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2024 from Rick HansonLiking feels good, plus it encourages us to approach and engage the world rather than withdraw from it. Your brain continually tracks whether something is pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. In essence, is it a carrot, a stick, or safely ignored? Naturally, we like - we enjoy - what's ...
Views: 282 - See Your Part - by Submitted on Jul 03, 2023 from Rick HansonIn situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty – tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants . . . the usual crud – it’s natural to focus on what others have done that’s problematic. This could be useful for a while: it can energize you, highlight what you most care ...
Views: 357 - Speak From The Heart - by Submitted on Dec 26, 2022 from Rick HansonOne Christmas, I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado River. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually carving ...
Views: 389 - Speak From Your Heart. - by Submitted on Nov 13, 2017 from Rick HansonOne Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated a million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado river. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually ...
Views: 1041 - Speak Truly - by Submitted on Feb 27, 2023 from Rick HansonIt's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon) since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body. In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health - and certainly for the health of your ...
Views: 391 - Speak Wisely - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2023 from Rick Hanson"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ...
Views: 383 - Stand Up to Bullies - by Submitted on May 19, 2025 from Rick HansonHumans are profoundly social. Woven through the tapestry of our relationships are several major threads. One of these is power. The only question is, do we use it for good or ill? The abuse of power can be called many things, including intimidation, fraud, discrimination, and tyranny. ...
Views: 16 - Stay Right When You're Wronged - by Submitted on Jan 09, 2023 from Rick HansonOthers will do whatever they do, and realistically, sometimes, it may not be that great. Many people disappoint: They’ve got a million things swirling around in their head, life’s been tough, there were issues in their childhood, their ethics are fuzzy, their thinking is clouded, their heart is ...
Views: 413 - Stay Well - by Submitted on Jan 06, 2025 from Rick Hanson[Note: This JOT is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same-sex relationships. Parenting is a complex subject, plus it ...
Views: 88 - Step Into the Cloud - by Submitted on Sep 12, 2023 from Rick HansonI had a lightbulb moment recently: I was feeling stressed about all the stuff I had to do (you probably know the feeling). After this went on for a while, I stepped back and kind of watched my mind, and could see that I was thinking of these various tasks as things, like big rocks that were ...
Views: 335 - Take Heart - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2025 from Rick HansonIt takes heart to live in even ordinary times. By “taking heart,” I mean several related things: Sensing your heart and chest Finding encouragement in what is good both around you and inside you Resting in your own warmth, compassion, and kindness; resting in the ...
Views: 40 - There's Been Mistreatment or Injustice - Now What? - by Submitted on Nov 21, 2017 from Rick HansonIt’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly. (Much of what I say here applies to concerns about injustice or mistreatment that threatens or happens to others, from someone bullying a child to an oppressive government, but I will focus on ...
Views: 976 - To What Is Your Mind Given? - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2017 from Rick HansonI'm old enough to remember a time when people usually answered "good" when you asked them the standard, "How are you?" (often said "harya?"). These days the answer is commonly "busy." In the last few months I've been very busy myself and starting to feel dispersed: juggling a dozen priorities ...
Views: 986 - Transform Ill Will - by Submitted on Jul 01, 2024 from Rick HansonGoodwill and ill will are about intention: the will is for good or ill. These intentions are expressed through action and inaction, word and deed, and-especially-thoughts. How do you feel when you sense another person taking potshots at you in her mind? What does it feel like to take potshots of ...
Views: 207 - Trust In Love - by Submitted on May 02, 2023 from Rick HansonTake a breath right now, and notice how abundant the air is, full of life-giving oxygen offered freely by trees and other green-growing things. You can't see the air, but it's always available for you. Love is a lot like the air. It may be hard to see - but it's in you and all around ...
Views: 380 - Trust Yourself - by Submitted on Mar 11, 2025 from Rick HansonAs I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself - my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable. Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ...
Views: 46 - Try a Softer Tone - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2023 from Rick HansonLinguists like Deborah Tannen have pointed out that most communications have three elements: Explicit content – “There is no milk in the refrigerator.” Emotional subtext – Could be irritation, blame, accusation An implicit statement about the nature of the relationship – Could be one ...
Views: 370 - Try Being Less Serious - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2020 from Rick HansonOn the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and ...
Views: 639 - Tune Into Others - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2022 from Rick HansonImagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own. That's a world without ...
Views: 392 - Turn Anger into a Peaceful Heart - by Submitted on Jan 13, 2025 from Rick Hanson(Note: This JOT is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same sex relationships. Parenting is a complex subject, plus it ...
Views: 79 - Wake Up To Good News - by Submitted on Feb 18, 2019 from Rick Hanson"Tell the truth." It's the foundation of science, ethics, and relationships. But we have a brain that evolved to tell lies to help us survive. As I've written before, over several hundred million years our ancestors: Had to avoid two kinds of mistakes: thinking there's a tiger in the ...
Views: 715 - Water Your Fruit Tree - by Submitted on Mar 29, 2022 from Rick HansonMy wife and kids tease me that the title of this practice is corny - and it is. Still, I like it. If you don't nourish the things that nourish you, they wither away like a plant in dry stony ground. Looking to the year ahead for you - a year that can begin whenever you want - what's one key ...
Views: 463 - Water Your Fruit Tree - by Submitted on Oct 14, 2024 from Rick HansonMy wife and kids tease me that the title of this practice is corny - and it is. Still, I like it. If you don't nourish the things that nourish you, they wither away like a plant in dry stony ground. Looking to the year ahead for you - a year that can begin whenever you want - what's one ...
Views: 146 - Welcome Joy - by Submitted on Apr 14, 2025 from Rick HansonPositive emotions – such as feelings of gratitude, love, and confidence – strengthen the immune system, protect the heart against loss and trauma, build relationships, increase resilience, and promote success. Based on studies that have already been done, if a drug company could patent a ...
Views: 27 - What Are They Feeling? - by Submitted on May 13, 2015 from Rick HansonImagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own. That's a world without empathy. To ...
Views: 944 - What Are You Bracing Against? - by Submitted on Dec 13, 2016 from Rick HansonThe title of this practice is a little tongue-in-cheek. What I mean is, most of us - me included - spend time worrying about criticism: past, present, and even future. Yes, try hard, keep agreements, "don't be evil," etc. But sooner or later - usually sooner - someone is going to point out the ...
Views: 898 - What Are You Doing? - by Submitted on Jul 11, 2016 from Rick HansonMost people spend most minutes of most days doing one thing after another. I sure do. Typing these words is a kind of doing, as is driving to work, making dinner, brushing one's teeth, or putting the kids to bed. For all the "labor-saving" devices of the past 50 years - dishwashers, phone ...
Views: 926 - What Are You Fighting? - by Submitted on Jun 19, 2017 from Rick HansonBy "war" I mean here a mindset, not combat between nations with tanks and bombs. The "war" I'm referring to is an attitude of conflict and animosity toward a person, object, or condition. Parents can feel at war with a misbehaving teenager, and certainly vice versa. Neighbors quarreling over a ...
Views: 996 - What Are You Learning? - by Submitted on May 25, 2015 from Rick HansonMy dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking out loud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ...
Views: 969 - What Are You Resisting? - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2016 from Rick HansonAs general clusters that each include a number of specific methods, my Top 5 types of practices (all tied for first place) are: * Be mindful * Love * Take in the good * Go green * Open out So far, I’ve written about the first four of these clusters, and you can click the links just above ...
Views: 990 - What Are You Saying? - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2018 from Rick Hanson"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ...
Views: 1009 - What Are Your Intentions Toward Others? - by Submitted on Apr 25, 2016 from Rick HansonBenevolence is a fancy word that means something simple: good intentions toward living beings, including oneself. This goodwill is present in warmth, friendliness, compassion, ordinary decency, fair play, kindness, altruism, generosity, and love. The benevolent heart leans toward others; it ...
Views: 1029 - What Can I Do? - by Submitted on Nov 14, 2016 from Rick HansonI'm doing a series on my personal top five practices (all tied for first place), and have so far named three: meditate (including mindfulness, self-awareness, and, if you like, prayer), take in the good, and bless (including compassion, generosity, and love). I saw one way to bless on a ...
Views: 963 - What Can I Do? - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2017 from Rick HansonI'm doing a series on my personal top five practices (all tied for first place), and have so far named three: meditate (including mindfulness, self-awareness, and, if you like, prayer), take in the good, and bless (including compassion, generosity, and love). I saw one way to bless on a ...
Views: 912 - What Can You Do When Nothing Is Working? - by Submitted on May 29, 2017 from Rick HansonIn response to a previous JOT - Find Stillness - a wise therapist, Betsy Sansby, reminded me that sometimes a person just can't find any stillness anywhere. Maybe you have epilepsy or chronic pain, or are wildly worried about a child or other loved one, or have been rejected in love or had the ...
Views: 990 - What Could You Offer? - by Submitted on Apr 11, 2016 from Rick HansonWhat could you offer? The Practice: Make the offering. Why? One of the strangest and most meaningful experiences of my life occurred when I going through Rolfing (ten brilliant sessions of deep-tissue bodywork) in my early 20's. The fifth session works on the stomach area, and I was ...
Views: 933 - What Do Others Give You? - by Submitted on Nov 24, 2015 from Rick HansonEach Thanksgiving holiday, we are reminded to be thankful. When times are tough, finding reasons to be thankful may be challenging or even seem inappropriate or impossible. This year, before we sit around the dinner table, let's think about the myriad benefits to saying thanks, and how to truly ...
Views: 975 - What Do Others Want? - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2017 from Rick HansonHustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop's refrigerator, a man was bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he'd put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying "This one is cold." ...
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