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Articles from Rick Hanson | Selfgrowth.com
- Don't Be Intimidated - by Submitted on Mar 27, 2023 from Rick HansonHumans evolved to be fearful since anxiety helped keep our ancestors alive. Consequently, we are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.” This vulnerability to feeling threatened has effects at many levels, ranging from ...
Views: 2 - Don't Quarrel - by Submitted on Mar 20, 2023 from Rick HansonIt's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught ...
Views: 7 - Forgive - by Submitted on Mar 13, 2023 from Rick HansonForgiveness is a tricky topic. First, it has two distinct meanings: To give up resentment or anger To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let ...
Views: 9 - Says Thanks - by Submitted on Mar 06, 2023 from Rick HansonWhat do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, or an encouraging word. You probably feel seen, and appreciated, and that you matter to the other person. Maybe a little startled, maybe wondering if you really ...
Views: 19 - Speak Truly - by Submitted on Feb 27, 2023 from Rick HansonIt's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon) since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body. In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health - and certainly for the health of your ...
Views: 17 - Keep Your Eyes on the Prize - by Submitted on Feb 20, 2023 from Rick HansonHave you heard this saying? The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right, this minute? The most important things often get pushed to the sidelines. ...
Views: 21 - Give No One Cause To Fear - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2023 from Rick HansonThe ancient ancestors that were casual and blithely hopeful, underestimating the risks around them - predators, loss of food, aggression from others of their kind - did not pass on their genes. But the ones that were nervous were very successful - and we are their great-grandchildren, sitting ...
Views: 22 - Put No One Out of Your Heart - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2023 from Rick HansonWe all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who have you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right ...
Views: 23 - Try a Softer Tone - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2023 from Rick HansonLinguists like Deborah Tannen have pointed out that most communications have three elements: Explicit content – “There is no milk in the refrigerator.” Emotional subtext – Could be irritation, blame, accusation An implicit statement about the nature of the relationship – Could be one ...
Views: 26 - See the Good in Others - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2023 from Rick HansonMany interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, or via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's ...
Views: 31 - Ask Questions - by Submitted on Jan 17, 2023 from Rick HansonMy dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking aloud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ...
Views: 35 - Stay Right When You're Wronged - by Submitted on Jan 09, 2023 from Rick HansonOthers will do whatever they do, and realistically, sometimes, it may not be that great. Many people disappoint: They’ve got a million things swirling around in their head, life’s been tough, there were issues in their childhood, their ethics are fuzzy, their thinking is clouded, their heart is ...
Views: 32 - Feel Cared About - by Submitted on Jan 02, 2023 from Rick HansonEveryone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy. On the other hand, you’ve probably had the sense, at one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn’t ...
Views: 40 - Speak From The Heart - by Submitted on Dec 26, 2022 from Rick HansonOne Christmas, I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado River. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually carving ...
Views: 36 - Tune Into Others - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2022 from Rick HansonImagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own. That's a world without ...
Views: 48 - Be Friendly - by Submitted on Dec 12, 2022 from Rick HansonFriendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive. Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, ...
Views: 50 - Have Compassion - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2022 from Rick HansonCompassion is essentially the wish that beings do not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), ...
Views: 57 - Recognize Suffering in Others - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2022 from Rick HansonWe’re usually aware of our own suffering, which – broadly defined – includes the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there is more to life than suffering, including great joy and ...
Views: 59 - See the Person Behind the Eyes - by Submitted on Nov 21, 2022 from Rick HansonMost of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings and presents a polished, controlled face to the world. To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time to ...
Views: 52 - Tell the Truth, Play Fair - by Submitted on Nov 14, 2022 from Rick HansonPerhaps like you, I’ve been worrying lately about what it will take for all of us to live together in peace. I remember what I’ve heard many teachers say to their students: Tell the truth. Play fair. This is what we ask our own kids to do. It’s what we look for in a friend, a boss, and a ...
Views: 49 - "Us" all "Thems" - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2022 from Rick HansonBy “us” all “thems,” I mean finding common ground with every person – especially those you fear or are angry with or who are simply very different from you. These days this practice is more important than ever. For most of the past 300,000 years, our human ancestors lived in small bands of ...
Views: 58 - Learn as You Go - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2022 from Rick HansonI was recently asked about my top five inner practices for 2019, and here they are: Drop the stone Let it flow Learn as you go “Us” all “thems” Be amazed By “learn as you go,” I mean that each day is an opportunity to take in the good: to help useful or enjoyable experiences ...
Views: 62 - Let it flow - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2022 from Rick HansonI think there are five key things we can do inside ourselves to be happier, stronger, wiser, and more loving this year: Drop the stone Let it flow Learn as you go “Us” all “thems” Be Amazed My previous JOT explored the first of these: how to lay down the burdens of useless ...
Views: 77 - Drop the Stone - by Submitted on Oct 18, 2022 from Rick HansonAs we begin a new year for many people, it’s natural to consider how to make it a good one. Besides taking action in the outer world – from fixing a dripping faucet to feeding every child – we can act inside our own minds . . . and take the benefits with us wherever we go. This year, what do you ...
Views: 59 - See The Big Picture - by Submitted on Oct 10, 2022 from Rick HansonI once went to the movies when it was raining and brought my umbrella. Arriving early, I sat down on a bench to read, then headed to the theater. Suddenly I heard, “Uh, mister!” – and turned to see a teenage boy with a friendly smile running toward me with my umbrella. He didn’t know me but went ...
Views: 68 - Stand Up to Bullies - by Submitted on Oct 03, 2022 from Rick HansonHumans are profoundly social. Woven through the tapestry of our relationships are several major threads. One of these is power. The only question is, do we use it for good or ill? The abuse of power can be called many things, including intimidation, fraud, discrimination, and tyranny. I’ll ...
Views: 67 - Love What Is Real - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2022 from Rick HansonBecause this practice could seem so abstract or so obvious that it’s not worth doing, I am going to take longer than usual to explain why it’s so important. As I grew up, my family and schools felt like shaky ground. I didn’t understand why my parents and many kids reacted the way they did, ...
Views: 79 - Enjoy The Good That Lasts - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2022 from Rick HansonSo many things change. Leaves fall, friends move away, and children leave home. My dad died a year ago, and my mom about ten years before that. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting older (darn, there is no fooling the mirror). The world changes, too. Evolving technologies alter jobs and ...
Views: 78 - Love Your Neighbor - by Submitted on Sep 12, 2022 from Rick HansonThis practice might sound extreme or pushy, and I want to tell you what I mean by it. Everyone has lots of neighbors, and they come in many shapes and sizes. Obviously, the people living across the street are neighbors, but in some sense, so are the people you live with. Friends, relatives, ...
Views: 78 - Beware of Anger - by Submitted on Sep 05, 2022 from Rick HansonAnger is tricky. On the one hand, anger – feeling annoyed, irritated, resentful, fed up, mad, outraged, or enraged – alerts us to real threats, real injuries, and real wrongs that need correcting, and it energizes and fuels us to do something about them. In my family growing up, my parents had ...
Views: 94 - Welcome Joy - by Submitted on Aug 29, 2022 from Rick HansonPositive emotions – such as feelings of gratitude, love, and confidence – strengthen the immune system, protect the heart against loss and trauma, build relationships, increase resilience, and promote success. Based on studies that have already been done, if a drug company could patent a ...
Views: 112 - Find Your Ground - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2022 from Rick HansonI've been to New Zealand, and really respect and like it. There's a Maori term - turangawaewae, "a place to stand" - that I've come back to many times. I'm sure I don't know the full meaning of the word in its cultural context. But at a basic level, it's clear that we all need a place to ...
Views: 113 - Love Someone - by Submitted on Aug 16, 2022 from Rick HansonSometimes something happens. Perhaps your sweet old cat takes a turn for the worse, or there’s a money problem, or your son waves goodbye as he gets on a plane to start college on the other side of the country. Sometimes it’s on a larger scale: maybe there’s been an election, and you’re ...
Views: 107 - Take Heart - by Submitted on Aug 08, 2022 from Rick HansonIt takes heart to live in even ordinary times. By “taking heart,” I mean several related things: Sensing your heart and chest Finding encouragement in what is good both around you and inside you Resting in your own warmth, compassion, and kindness; resting in the caring for you ...
Views: 103 - Trust Yourself - by Submitted on Aug 01, 2022 from Rick HansonAs I grew up, at home and school, it felt dangerous to be myself - my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable. Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ways ...
Views: 119 - Be at Peace With the Pain of Others - by Submitted on Jul 25, 2022 from Rick HansonHumans are an empathic, compassionate, and loving species, so it is natural to feel sad, worried, or fiery about the troubles and pain of other people. (And about those of cats and dogs and other animals, but I'll focus on human beings here.) Long ago, the Buddha spoke of the "first dart" of ...
Views: 104 - Be Amazed - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2022 from Rick HansonHere are my top five inner practices for helping this year be a good one for you and others (click the links to see the first four): Drop the stone Let it flow Learn as you go “Us” all “thems" Be amazed By “be amazed,” I mean staying open to a sense of freshness, wonder, ...
Views: 123 - Be Mind Full of Good - by Submitted on Jul 11, 2022 from Rick HansonIt's kind of amazing: right now, what you think and feel, enjoy and suffer, is changing your brain. The brain is the organ that learns, designed by evolution to be changed by our experiences: what scientists call experience-dependent neuroplasticity. Neurons that fire together, wire together. ...
Views: 97 - Kindness to You is Kindness to Me; Kindness to Me is Kindness to You - by Submitted on Jul 04, 2022 from Rick HansonI usually describe a practice as something to do: get on your own side, see the being behind the eyes, take in the good, etc. This practice is different: it's something to recognize. From this recognition, appropriate action will follow. Let me explain. Some years ago, I was invited to give a ...
Views: 113 - Grow a Key Inner Strength - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2022 from Rick HansonWe all have issues - including demands upon us, stresses, illnesses, losses, vulnerabilities, and pain. (As Alan Watts put it: "Life is wiggly.") Of course, many of our issues - in the broad sense I'm using the word here - are related to important sources of fulfillment, such as starting a ...
Views: 117 - Eat Right - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2022 from Rick HansonThe easiest and usually most effective way to replenish your body is through good nutrition. Most of us have a diet that is very different from the one that we are adapted to through millions of years of evolution - a diet of mainly vegetables, fruits, nuts, and meat. Humans first started ...
Views: 113 - Turn Anger Into A Peaceful Heart - by Submitted on Jun 13, 2022 from Rick Hanson(Note: This is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same-sex relationships. Parenting is a complex subject, plus it ...
Views: 117 - Parent From the Same Page - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2022 from Rick Hanson(Note: This is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same-sex relationships. Parenting is a complex subject, plus it ...
Views: 104 - Refill Your Cupboard - by Submitted on May 30, 2022 from Rick Hanson[Note: This refill your cupboard is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same-sex relationships. Parenting is a complex ...
Views: 121 - Stay Well - by Submitted on May 23, 2022 from Rick Hanson[Note: This is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same-sex relationships. Parenting is a complex subject, plus it ...
Views: 116 - Lower Your Stress - by Submitted on May 16, 2022 from Rick Hanson[Note: This is adapted from Mother Nurture – a book written for mothers – focusing on typical situations that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers during the years before their children enter grade school. These are most commonly the years when mothers (biological and adoptive) ...
Views: 124 - Feel Whole - by Submitted on May 09, 2022 from Rick HansonWhen I look back on mistakes I've made - like dumping my anger on someone, making assumptions in haste, partying too much, losing my nerve, being afraid to speak from my heart - in all cases, a part of me had taken over. You know what I mean. The parts of us that have a partial view are driven ...
Views: 135 - Love Freely - by Submitted on May 02, 2022 from Rick HansonIn my early 20's, I went through Rolfing, a form of deep-tissue bodywork, and I nervously anticipated the 5th session, the one that goes deep into the belly. But instead of gobs of repressed emotional pain, what poured out was love - waves, and waves of love that I'd pushed down due to ...
Views: 159 - Rest in Center - by Submitted on Apr 26, 2022 from Rick HansonGravity and entropy are powerful processes in the natural world. Gravity draws things together, toward a center, while entropy scatters them into disorder. In much the same way, in our own lives, some things bring us to the center, while others disturb and disperse us. In terms of centering, ...
Views: 116 - Do Freely - by Submitted on Apr 18, 2022 from Rick HansonMost people spend most minutes of most days doing one thing after another. I sure do. Typing these words is a kind of doing, as is driving to work, making dinner, brushing one's teeth, or putting the kids to bed. For all the "labor-saving" devices of the past 50 years - dishwashers, phone ...
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