Valentine's Day Gifts That Can Improve Your Marriage: Gifts To Rekindle Marriage

Valentine's Day Gifts That Can Improve Your Marriage: Gifts To Rekindle Marriage

Are you wondering what to give your spouse for Valentine's Day this year? In addition to the candy, flowers or romantic card you select, would you like to give something else with long-reaching impact?

If so, here are eight Valentine's Day gifts to consider that can improve the quality of your marriage. Many are free or low-cost and won't strain the budget, but they all have the potential to be the "gift that keeps on giving."

1. Giving extra time and attention to your spouse each week. This is a priceless gift that will enrich your relationship and contribute to better intimacy.

Be creative and make time in your schedule to sit and talk with your spouse and to do fun things together. You may need to reduce the time you watch TV or talk on the phone, but the payoff will be worth it.

2. Planning fun or interesting experiences versus expensive meals in a restaurant. While eating out can be fun, it can also be stressful for some couples because of the demand for on-going conversation while you're sitting across the table from each other. If your communication is currently strained because of marital conflict or problems, this can feel awkward.

Instead, what about going bowling or skating? Or attending a play or concert? Going for a ride in a hot air balloon? Taking a gourmet cooking class together? Learning to dance the Cha-Cha? Visiting a nearby aquarium, zoo, botanical gardens, art museum, or historical site together? Think in terms of sharing an experience together that will be enjoyable and bonding.

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3. Making your sexual relationship a consistent priority. The on-going importance of sex in a marriage is often underrated as time goes by. The demands of children, family members, a career, housework, and other activities can siphon off your energy and time.

Neglecting this vitally important part of your marriage can lead to serious problems such as affairs, the feeling of being roommates or friends instead of lovers, and the eroding of sexual and emotional intimacy. Just because your mate doesn't talk about being unhappy with the sexual status quo doesn't mean that all is well. Take the initiative and invest renewed energy into your sex life.

4. Taking good care of yourself so that you're happy, centered and balanced. You can't give someone else what you don't already have yourself. Peace, love, and harmony come from inside of you and aren't created by external events.

There's that funny saying, "If Mama isn't happy, ain't nobody happy." There's a lot of truth to that in a family. The emotions and moods of either spouse can throw off the harmony in the entire household. So make a commitment to treat yourself with respect and love. Get extra rest, eat right, exercise, keep in touch with friends, and nurture yourself. You'll have more energy to give to your mate if you do.

5. Working on yourself and your personal issues in individual counseling so that your unresolved "hot buttons" don't cause problems in your marriage. This can be a huge gift to give your mate--the gift of an emotionally healthier you.

Individual counseling can help you to become more aware of your own issues that are triggered by others and help you to see the "bigger picture." You can't change what you're not aware of. The resulting self-awareness from counseling can help you to understand yourself better, make necessary changes, and become easier to live with.

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6. Improving your relationship skills by reading books, listening to CD's or tapes, and, if your mate is willing, going to couples counseling together. Educating yourself about relationship dynamics, strategies, and tips can greatly improve your ability to work out win-win solutions with your mate. You can check out books, CD's, and tapes from the library or search online for relationship guides.

If your mate is willing, you could read or listen to the materials together. Or you could invest in some couples counseling to help you cope with present challenges or to prevent future problems.

7. Expanding your circle of friends individually and as a couple to include more positive, inspiring people. You are influenced by the friends you hang out with--either for better or for the worse. To become more positive in approach and to achieve your relationship goals, be on the lookout for people who have the type of attitude and marriage that you would like to have.

Identify those individuals who bring out the best in you and look for ways to create friendships with them, either individually or as a couple. The more positive, encouraging, motivated, and inspiring people you surround yourself with, the greater the odds that you'll change yourself and your relationship for the better.

8. Deepening your own spiritual connection and sharing this goal with your mate, if possible. Inner peace, calm, and faith can be strengthened as you deepen your own spiritual connection, and this can have a positive impact on your marriage. If you and your spouse are fortunate enough to share this goal, the resulting feeling of soul connection can be deeply rewarding.

If you don't have similar beliefs about spiritual matters, look for other ways to share experiences that take you "out of yourself" and into the awareness of a power greater than yourself. Moments such as these can occur when you're looking at beautiful scenery such as mountains, lakes, streams, the ocean, a field of wildflowers, birds flying overhead, or lying on your back at night looking up at the stars. Sharing these special moments together is a gift you can both give your relationship.

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1) Look at yourself in the mirror and ask these questions;

- Did you place high importance on your spouse, putting his or her interest as your priority?

- Did you feel committed and had proved to her or him about that?

- Did you view your marriage in terms instead of "our" and "we", rather than "mine "and "me"?

- Is your marriage been a team work or does each one of you does his or her own things?

- Did you treat your spouse with respect?

- Did you manifest reasonableness by giving allowances when he or she commit mistake?

- Did you have a forgiving heart towards your spouse?

- Did you truly love your mate from your heart?

- Did you work hard enough to make your marriage successful?

2) Now give yourself an honest examination. What are your answers to the questions above? Rate yourself.

Did you know that marriage reach to the point of divorce when the answers to the questions above are 50% negative?

3) If you have difficulties in marriage, is it because you chose the wrong spouse? Or it's because you failed to work on it? So if your marriage seems to end, you should think what you could do to make it better and not to let it go.

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4) Meditate the good times you had with your spouse when your relationship had just begun such as;

- Your vows and promises you made during your wedding day,

- The good qualities you admired most from your spouse.

- The first sweet love you had for each other

- The times you shared during bad times and good times

5) Talk to your spouse in a kind manner that you really want to repair your relationship. If you can't get him or her face to face, try to put it down in writing. Be sure to choose words that are kind and loving enough to soften his or her heart.

6) Seek some guidance from an experience and mature friend who can help you set realistic goals to improve your marriage.

7) Self control is needed. If you don't control yourself and just give in to madness, nothing will happen. You are just fuelling the fire instead of putting it off.

8) Think of the sad consequences of divorce to you and your children.

9) Don't be misled to believe that you can find a better one. If you didn't do good in your first marriage, it will be the same the second time. Your next affair might be better for some reasons but must be even worst in other aspects. So why not continue with the journey you started with your spouse instead of trying to go back and find another boat to sail and start all over again?

10) Be persistent and sincere to work on with the restoration of your marriage. Your spouse will then realize your effort. and he can be touch to cooperate. Don't forget even the hardest metal can be melted with fire. Even your spouse seem to be determined to pursue divorce, you can you can melt his hard decision by letting him feel that you really want to bring your relationship back on track. But do so with respect, humility, sincerity and love.

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Marriage problems have become seemingly more and more prolific in recent years partly as a result of a greater acceptance of marital issues being discussed outside the home.

A majority of the marriage problems that currently exist have always been an issue but have been kept well hidden from the outside world with many married couples being embarrassed to let people know that they have been unable to make their marriage work.

There are an amazing number of people even now who tolerate a less than perfect marriage and ignore common marriage problems rather than being seen as a failure as spouse and parent. What they aren't aware of is that if they face up to marriage problems and seek the right professional help a currently intolerant or loveless marriage could be easily turned around.

There are very few marriage problems that can't be resolved if tackled in the right way even in many cases what appears insurmountable problems such as infidelity. The most common link in sorting marital issues is the desire to make a marriage work.

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It doesn't even take both parties to resolve marriage problems and save a marriage. If just one spouse has the vision of what the marriage could really be like the odds of saving a marriage are greatly increased.

Many people believe that they are unable to control the situation once a marriage heads off the rails and marriage problems start to take a hold. They believe that if their spouse isn't happy there is nothing they can do to make things right.

What if they were to know that they could control the direction their marriage takes just by understanding how to communicate with their partner and how to control any given situation. Marriage problems tend to destroy a marriage because they are ignored and not because they occurred in the first place.

Take for example if one partner likes to start an argument. Their spouse has a choice, to react and fuel the argument or to wait until things have calmed down and then tackle the problem. By choosing to react they have allowed the partner who is angry to control the situation and lay the foundations for which route the marriage is likely to take.

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Several years ago, Michelle Wiener Davis, the author of Divorce Busting, introduced a concept to the world of infidelity that is designed to help you and your partner move forward in the healing of your relationship. It is my suggestion that any new betrayed partner implement these behaviors immediately. They aren't designed to make you look good or your partner bad. They are, however, a means of protection for the betrayed. They also empower the betrayed to face their new world with dignity and bravery. They appear stronger to the wayward partner and at this point in time, that is exactly what you want to portray.

This list was originally titled, "The 180" and it won't take you long to figure out why. What you are actually doing is a complete 180 degree rotation in your actions and attitude. You no longer are a weeping sack of sorrow. Suddenly, you appear strong, happy, independent, and quite capable of making it on your own.

The 180

1. Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.

2. No frequent phone calls.

3. Don't point out "good points" in marriage.

4. Don't follow her/him around the house.

5. Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.

6. Don't ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner.

7. Don't ask for reassurances.

8. Don't buy or give gifts.

9. Don't schedule dates together.

10. Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable.

11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!

12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.

13. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!

14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue, no matter how much you want to!

15. If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.

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16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the wayward partner)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life...with out them!

17. Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available...for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.

18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.

19. All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!

20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!

21. Don't be overly enthusiastic.

22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!

23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!

24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.

25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.

26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.

27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.

28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.

29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!

30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.

31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"

32. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.

33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the affair partner.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.