All people to some extent have a narcissistic personality, in that they are self-interested and want to secure well being, love and success for themselves. These are the defining factors of a person who has a healthy self-esteem and wants to progress in life. There are however, great differences between ‘normal’ narcissistic tendencies and the ‘pathological’ narcissistic tendencies which define an individual with narcissistic personality disorder.

Another way to describe ‘normal’ and ‘pathological’ narcissistic tendencies is ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’ narcissism.

Normal narcissistic tendencies are a sign of emotional health, believing in positivity, and the knowing of being worthy to receive this stream of well being, love, success and abundance. Healthy narcissism is born from a place of confidence, as opposed to a place of the inner fear that an individual with narcissistic personality disorder feels. Normal narcissistic tendencies of caring about and improving conditions for self are not played out at the destruction and expense of others.Normal narcissistic tendencies are the ability to show up authentically in life from a place of integrity, and to pursue self-advancement and improve one’s life and at the highest level wish to inspire others to do the same.

The person with narcissistic personality disorder tries to compensate for his or her deep inner insecurities with the creation of a False Self - the grandiose version of everything he or she wishes to be – superior, attractive, special and unique. As the narcissistic personality goes through life trying to gain acclaim, attention, ‘stuff’ and power he or she adopts pathological lying, malicious and underhand acts and agendas which are all manifestations of the deep fear and pain of being unworthy, defective and powerless.

Hence the pathological acts of the narcissistic personality create damage. They harm people and situations profoundly in the narcissist’s drive to secure the attention and notoriety that will help offset his or her inner self-annihilating feelings of ‘not being good enough’.

Advancement and self-interest in itself is not a bad thing. It is the intention and the methods that either work to a win-win model of a win-lose model which define. An individual with narcissistic personality disorder is morbidly attached to pathological envy, lack and fear. He or she believes that if someone else gains this takes away from the narcissist’s rights. Therefore the narcissistic personality believes it is his or her entitlement and necessity to diminish others in order to get what he or she needs to emotionally survive – which is the outer successes and acclaim that can allow him or her to feel temporarily ‘worthy’.

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