If your boyfriend or girlfriend dumped you, I want you to know that I feel for you. I’ve been there myself. I think most people have at one point or another. The pain of a break up can be excruciating, and it is definitely nothing that I would wish on anybody.

In an instant, this person who you used to be so close and intimate with suddenly seems to be thousands of miles away. Their love and affection turned to anger and resentment--or even worse, complete apathy.

You feel rejected and it hurts a lot. I don’t need to tell you that.

But what you may not understand is that your ex feels an equally strong emotion. It’s not rejection, though. They are feeling guilt.

This is something that a lot of “dumpees” may not realize about “dumpers,” but if you can understand this it really helps you make sense about what they are doing and why they are acting the way that they are.

You see, your ex feels a considerable amount of guilt over dumping you. No one wants to be thought of as the “bad guy” who goes and inflicts pain on someone else. Your ex is really torn. On one hand, they felt compelled to leave the relationship for one reason or another. While on the other hand, they feel guilty about causing so much emotional pain in you.

In order to cope with these feelings of guilt, your ex may try to rationalize the decision. Maybe they will try to cause fights or other forms of conflict whenever they see you, thinking that anger and hostility will prove to them that the two of you aren’t good for each other and that they were right in their decision to dump you.

This explains why your ex may be treating you horribly. It’s not because they really hate you or because you are necessarily a bad person. It is because they are trying to cope with their own feelings of guilt by casting a negative light on you and your relationship.

Even if your ex is completely withdrawing from you and shutting out entirely, rest assured that they are also dealing with intense feelings of guilt. The difference is that they also feel ashamed of what they did.

Instead of trying to rationalize their decision by antagonizing you, they instead are avoiding you because you remind them of what they did and how much pain they caused someone else. They are dealing with their feelings of guilt by looking the other way and trying to forget.

But trust me, they still feel very strong feelings for you. In fact, your ex’s feelings of guilt are just as strong as your feelings of rejection. They are in a lot of pain too.

A break up really is like a double edged sword that hurts both of you. However, if you understand this, you can respond better to your ex in a way that doesn’t make things even worse between you two.

Author's Bio: 

If you want to learn more relationship and break up tips, like how to get your ex back, be sure to check out these powerful signs your ex wants you back to finally end your pain and reclaim your relationship.

Sarah Scott enjoys helping women deal with the conflicts and challenges they experience in relating with men and helping them form successful relationships.