Why Men Won't Commit

The question I probably get asked the most from my female clients and participants is "Why do men have such a hard time with commitment?".

Men actually don't have any problem with committing to a woman. Without women, men really aren't up to much. Yes, they work hard at their jobs, put more ram in their computer or bigger wheels on their trucks but once a woman enters the scene EVERYTHING changes. Women have huge appetites and plenty of things that they want. A woman's desires actually fuel a man's production in ways that would be impossible unless she was around.

So if men love having a woman in their life why don't they want to commit?

There are many reasons and each situation between two people is unique. However, after interviewing and coaching hundreds of men for the past 12 years there are 3 observations that consistantly stand out.

1/ A man is willing to commit - just not to a nightmare! Men LIVE to make women happy. If a woman is complaining about her life all the time, criticizing his life or trying to change a man too much she will pretty much strike fear in any guy she meets. If a woman is not happy now, a man figures you won't be happy later either and will quickly make the decision to not commit for the long haul.

2/ Look and see if you're actually happy with him. So many of my female clients approach me agonizing over the fact that men either don't stay with them very long or the ones their with, are not popping the question. Women are often pointing the finger at the guy and not looking at the three fingers pointing back at them. My first question is always - "What don't you like about him?". After asking this question it doesn't take long to uncover at least 1 or 2 MAJOR things that their unhappy about. Maybe he leaves his clothes everywhere or he said something that hurt her and it's still bothering her. Most of the time women will hang on and internalize what's bothering them instead of communicating. If you think men don't feel when you're unhappy with them - you're wrong! Men are acutely aware of when it feels like yuk or yum with a woman and will either shut down or leave when they sense you don't approve of them.

3/ Men need to be seen as who they REALLY are. Women look at men to be strong, in control and good providers. Don't be fooled though, this is a pretense that men hide behind, having been brought up from a young age to present this image to the world. Underneath this pretense is a deep, complex human being that is very much a unique individual. Women must look beyond a man's masculine pretense and see what is unique about the man in front them. Men LONG to be with a woman who can see their strengths AND their weaknesses and love them anyway - that's the kind of woman a man will have no hesitation committing to.

Bottom line, a man is looking for signs of what a future life with a woman would be like. A woman who is happy, honest about what she needs and is willing to see beyond a man's pretense will be guaranteed to attract a man around her that will be willing to commit for a lifetime.

Sending you lots of love and wishing you tremendous dating and relationship success!

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