You are not your job

When I decided to leave my job in Business Development for a Hedge Fund company I got a glimpse of the abyss. That deep, dark scary place that descends forever into hell and from which there is seemingly no escape. In fact, it called out to me offering such reassuring words as “if you leave now you will be nothing, have nothing, know nothing. You will fall down here and never get out.” Tempting though it was to go there, with the help of a top tier coach I agilely managed to hurdle the chasm and not look back.

Similarly, one of my clients who left a board level position with a fortune 500 company told me that when he turned in his computer, his Blackberry, and his parking pass he felt “stripped naked and alone.” This feeling stayed with him for nearly a year until he began rebuilding himself from the inside out to find his true identity apart from the job that up until that moment had consumed most of his waking hours.

So how do you preserve your true self or, if it’s past that, separate yourself from your job?

1. Start digging – You must be in there somewhere. What do you like to do apart from work? What calls to you? What are you passionate about? When you were ideological what was that ideology about? Still drawing a blank? Go back in time, say to when your 5 years old, what did you like to do then? What could you do all day and never notice the time pass?

2. Start Creating – You have that book, blog, painting, sculpture, jewellery designer in you waiting to get out. Sign up for lessons or simply block the time and do it. Dare to be really messy. Make it a goal not to get it right the first time. Have fun in the process. Creating begets creativity. That is to say the more you create-the more creative ideas come to you.

3. Reach out – Find your old friends who really know you. They will remind you who you really are. Lost touch with them? Make new friends. Join a hiking, skiing, singing, etc. group. Organize a dinner, an outing, a glee club and invite people along. Everyone loves an invitation. Make it an intention to surround yourself with passionate people.

4. Own yourself and all that you are – Dare to go to a cocktail or dinner party and only speak of those things that matter to you outside of work. Similarly find out who other people really are—ask a question like “if you could be anything in the world and money, time and place were no problem, what you be?” Know the answer for yourself of course and enjoy discovering yourself and others for who you really are.

You are not your work, no matter how important your work may be. In letting us know the real you, you give us permission to show up as ourselves.