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Browse published articles attributed to Karla Downing, with full-archive search.
When does a relationship qualify as abusive? One of the ways to answer that question is to look at boundaries that must never be crossed. Boundaries are intended to protect you as a valued person in a relationship. There are four boundaries that abusive people violate because they do not see you as a separate person with rights:
Are you looking for Christian relationship help that will enable you to understand what it means to suffer for good in your relationships? Misunderstanding regarding this teaching leads to unhealthy choices in relationships. First Peter 3:17 says, "It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil" (NIV). Some have wrongly interpreted this to mean that we will be rewarded for enduring mistreatment. The truth is that we will be rewarded for some of the mistreatment we endure; but not all of it.
If you have a prodigal child, releasing isn't your first response. Your first response is to hold on tighter and try to force change any way possible. God has prodigal children too. He feels the same about them as you do yours. Releasing your prodigal child God's way is healthier than holding on and trying to control. Here is how God deals with this problem:
This marriage help for Christians answers the question: How does a woman respect a man who does not love her? Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (NIV). This isn't a problem in a healthy marriage, but it is tricky in a difficult marriage.
This Christian relationship help gives you answers to questions about dealing with alcoholism. There are many dilemmas you deal with when someone you care about that drinks too much. Proverbs 20:1 says, "Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise" (NIV). It is true that drinkers make many foolish choices that affect their lives and their loved ones lives negatively.
Having good Christian boundaries is something we need to work on all the time in every area of our lives, yet setting boundaries isn't easy and is a cause of confusion in our relationships. These are the seven reasons why it is difficult for many Christians to set boundaries: - We feel responsible for other people's choices. - We are afraid of losing the other person's approval. - We are afraid of losing the relationship.
If you are looking for Christian relationship help, you are probably dealing with difficult people and wondering how God would want you to respond to them. Jesus dealt with many difficult people. Here are three principles he put into practice:
If you hold any of these four Christian misbeliefs, they will negatively impact your self-image. Beliefs underlie the way you view the world. The belief you hold about a thing determines what you think, how you feel, and how you act. Here are the four misbeliefs:
This Christian marriage help will enable you to take back your power to change your life whether your husband or wife changes or not. The problems in your marriage are real and the changes you want your spouse to make are most likely reasonable. The dilemma that you have is that you can't make him or her change and as long as you are waiting for change and pushing for change, you are stuck in the same patterns.
If you are struggling with being a Christian and having boundaries, then these questions will guide you in setting biblical relationship boundaries. One of the reasons boundaries are hard to figure out is because they are different for each person and circumstance. Difficult relationships have complicated dynamics. These questions offer you principles to help you figure out the boundaries that are right for you in each of your relationships.
Abuse in relationships is all too common. Once you are in a committed relationship with someone who is abusive, you will find that it is harder to get out of it than when you are dating. This is because you begin to experience a crisis of self-doubt and low self-esteem the longer you are in the relationship. The best thing to do is to pay attention to signs that you are dating an abusive man and end the relationship as soon as you figure it out. Here are five signs that you are dating an abusive man:
Is perfectionism hurting your relationships? If you know you struggle with perfectionism with yourself, there is a good chance that this character trait is also hurting the people around you. Perfectionism manifests itself in relationships in the following five ways:
Are you wondering what your relationship should be like with your adult child? When you raise your minor children, you focus on training, discipline, and obedience. When your child becomes an adult, the relationship between you changes. If your child is a prodigal because he/she is doing things you feel aren't good or is more estranged from you then you would like, your focus is probably on what you would like to see changed. Even if your child isn't living like you want, you can strive to have these components of a healthy parent to adult-child relationship:
Watching your prodigal children make choices that you fear will cause pain and consequences and you know are out of God's will is heart-wrenching. The parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 provides the model for six things you absolutely must do when dealing with your prodigal children:
This Christian relationship help will tell you what to do with five common alcoholic dilemmas. When someone you care about drinks, you naturally want to make him/her stop. Drinking isn't good for the person or your relationship. People who care about a drinker can get too caught up in rescuing, fixing, or controlling the problem and in doing so lose the ability to make wise choices for their own lives.
Are you looking for Christian relationship help to know how to love in a difficult relationship? As Christians, we are commanded to love our neighbors, families, friends, and enemies. Love in a healthy reciprocal relationship is hard enough, but love in difficult relationships is even harder. Scriptural misunderstandings lead people to love wrongly in difficult relationships and as a result, they tolerate mistreatment and allow people to continue to choose destructive actions. What does it really mean to love in a difficult relationship?
Do you struggle with speaking the truth in love in your relationships? If you answered yes, this biblical truth and tip will help you. One of the misconceptions people have is thinking that they have to speak their truth. They don't. Wisdom is needed in deciding who to talk to and what to say.
Do you struggle with speaking the truth in love in your difficult relationships? If you answered yes, this biblical truth and tip will help you. It is important to speak the truth, but we need to use wisdom in deciding who we should speak to and what we should say, so we can protect ourselves.
Are you looking for Christian relationship help to enable you to understand how anxiety in difficult relationships contributes to the dysfunction? Then this article will help you. Anxiety is a sense of disquiet or dis-ease that is experienced as mental or emotional distress. Anxiety isn't comfortable and people usually react to get rid of the anxiety that comes from all types of problems in difficult relationships.
Do you struggle with speaking the truth in love in your relationships? If you answered yes, this biblical truth and tip will help you. Speaking at the wrong time can sabotage your communication. Timing does matter. Like it or not, there is wisdom in using timing to your advantage.
Are you looking for Christian relationship help because you struggle with speaking the truth in your relationships? Then, this biblical truth and tip will help you. It is especially problematic to communicate your perceptions, feelings, choices, needs, and beliefs to difficult people. One of the misconceptions we have is thinking that we have to get the other person to agree with our truth. This keeps us in a place where we are stuck and unable to move on when the person doesn't agree with us. We react by arguing, nagging, threatening, lecturing, and re-explaining.
One of the things Christians need to do when they divorce is to grieve the loss of the marriage. Whether you wanted the marriage to end or not, it wasn't all bad. Your ex-spouse has some good qualities. You have some good memories. You've lost the intact family and even if it wasn't perfect, it was still a family. You may convince yourself that being rid of the problems, pain, and stress has some benefits. But, what do you do with the good stuff? You have to gain a perspective that enables you to find a place for the good stuff that doesn't negate the bad.
Christians divorce as much as non-Christians. Regardless of whether or not you wanted your divorce, one of the most difficult things to deal with is being alone. Here are some things you can do to cope better with your "alone time."
How can you face your fears in difficult relationships? By answering the questions offered in this Christian relationship help. It isn't unusual to have many fears in difficult relationships. When people are doing things that we find upsetting and are not making responsible choices, things can and do go wrong. The biggest problem that arises from the fear is that it can keep you stuck and unable to make good decisions.
Are you looking for Christian relationship help to enable you to understand how fear affects your difficult relationships? This article will provide you with some answers.
Christians find divorce to be a painful experience even when they wanted the divorce. One of the most painful aspects is letting go of the old life and starting a new life. There are thousands of reminders of your life with your ex. You need to figure out how to make a new life for yourself. There is one thing you can do that can go a long way toward making your life yours: Change your environment. You may not be able to move to a new house, but there are plenty of other things you can do:
Do you struggle with speaking the truth in love in your relationships? If you answered yes, then this biblical truth and tip will help you. One of the mistakes we make is that we get caught up in the desire to convince the other person that we are right and as a result, we use too many words. When speaking the truth in a relationship, it isn't our responsibility to convince, only to speak our truth.
Are you looking for marriage help for Christians to guide you in deciding whether to stay in your difficult marriage? Before you decide to leave, make sure you have tried these four things:
Christians divorce as much as non-Christians. Divorce is one of the most painful experiences people go through. It is like having gangrene and being told by the doctor that you have to cut off your arm. You don't want to, but you know you have no choice. You do what you have to do and yet the adjustment to living life without your arm will be lengthy and your life will never quite be the same, although you will eventually heal and adjust and accept life without your arm.
Do you struggle with speaking the truth in love in your relationships? If you answered yes, this biblical truth and tip will help you. Speaking when you feel panicky, anxious, or emotionally reactive and thinking you have to make IT (your reason for speaking) happe NOW will sabotage your chances of a mutually desirable outcome. Wait to deal with the issue, if possible, at a time when you feel more in control of yourself and in a calmer place so you can keep your cool.
Are you feeling overwhelmed with the pressures, stresses, and demands of life? Christian codependency will rob you of the ability to enjoy your life by keeping you overwhelmed, stressed, unable to say no, and unwilling to take care of yourself, because it convinces you that you have no choice but to push harder and do more. Ecclesiastes 5:18 says, "It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun" (NLT). Here are four things you can do that will make you enjoy your life:
Do you struggle with speaking the truth in love in your relationships? If you answered yes, this biblical truth and tip will help you by helping you to know your truth first. Is it possible to speak too soon? Yes. If you aren't fully convinced of your stance, beliefs, and perceptions, then you will be speaking too soon. Before you speak, you need to know what your truth is so you can stand firm in it and not be swayed by the reaction of the listener.
Do you struggle with speaking the truth in love in your relationships? If you answered yes, this biblical truth and tip will help you. One of the major pitfalls to avoid is allowing yourself to be easily invalidated by the other person's defensiveness, abuse, arguments, disagreement, denial, and opinions.
When overcoming Christian codependency, how do you know when you should put your needs or the other person's needs first? By applying these four truths: 1. You have to stay emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally healthy. Ephesians 5:29 "After all, no one ever hates his own body, but he feeds and cares for it" (NIV).
Christians divorce just as much as non-Christians but often feel as if they have failed God and don't deserve a good future. That is not true. God understands that sin causes broken relationships. He hates divorce, but He loves you. Regardless of what happened in your marriage that led to the divorce, He cares deeply about you now and wants you to be healed and restored. Divorce requires a huge readjustment in your life. It takes time to re-orient and rebuild. In the process, you have to learn to take care of yourself. Consider these helpful tips:
What should you do if you are a victim of domestic violence? You should get help, even if you are not sure you are ready to leave the relationship. Here are five sources of help that are available to you, each of which has various benefits.
Are you looking for Christian relationship help to determine whether or not you are in a difficult relationship? Answer the following five questions to find out if your relationship with your child, parent, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker, or other relative is difficult. 1. Do you spend a considerable amount of time thinking about this relationship and wishing it were different?
This Christian relationship help will enable you to accept the things you cannot change and make choices with the options you have. The key to surrender is accepting the facts of the situation.
Do you struggle with speaking the truth in love in your relationships? If you answered yes, this biblical truth and tip will help you by showing you how not to take personalities personal.
Christians need boundaries but often don't have them in their relationships. Here are five causes of weak boundaries: 1. You were raised in a dysfunctional home where boundaries weren't modeled. As a result, you don't know what healthy boundaries are and don't recognize that you need to have them. You may believe that a wife submits to her husband in everything and isn't entitled to say no. You may believe that a husband loves by tolerating and overlooking everything. You may believe that a parent shows love by saying yes to everything.
Relationships aren't easy and all relationships have rough spots, disagreements, and adjustments. That said, there are times you need to get help to work things out. Here are seven signs your relationship needs professional help: 1. You have the same argument over and over that isn't resolved. The good news is that counseling might be short if you address the source before it affects other areas of your relationship and resentments grow.
Here's an important tool in overcoming Christian codependency: When you are asked to help, you can decide what your boundaries are by considering these five things rather than thinking you have to do everything you are asked to do and becoming resentful. Halley decided to lend her sister money knowing there was a chance her sister wouldn't pay her back and knowing her sister made bad choices with money, because it was just too uncomfortable for her to say no. A few weeks later, Halley began to get angry and resentful toward her sister for pressuring her for money.