Browse published articles attributed to Keith Bray, with full-archive search.
WHO AM I? I can remember those dark days back in 1994 that I really did not know who I was. Have you been there or are you at that point today. I knew the roles that I played, amongst them husband, father, employer, community volunteer, company leader; roles I played on life’s stage like an actor. Some I played much better than others.r
DO YOU KNOW YOU? Once we understand ourselves, the rest of living falls in line. What a great line, and makes me ask the question- Do you know you? At first, the initial answer is likely “yes, of course I do”. Funny, way back when, I would have and did react the same way. The biggest turning point in my life occurred when I finally realized I did not know myself very well. I knew things about me of course, but really couldn’t define who I was as a person.
Do you engage in violence? Time once again to give thought to points raised by my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons, in his Idea Engineer. At first blush, this headline evoked an immediate “NO”. Violence is not something I’ve ever really engaged in. Then I reread the articles and quotes, and began to think about what violence really includes. "It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world.
SABOTAGING SELF? How are you sabotaging yourself? "If you play it safe in life you've decided that you don't want to grow any more." -- Shirley Hufstedler How are you sabotaging you’re potential for change? We unconsciously use defense mechanisms to shield us from situations we perceive to be scary or painful. A part of you may want to grow and change, but another part may be resisting because change always moves you into new territory in your thinking and emotions.
TOP TEN REASONS I USE From my friend Patrick Meninga at “Spiritual River”, I want to share this article with you. If you see yourself in it, you need to talk with someone before you become a statistic! The Top 10 Excuses that Addicts and Alcoholics Use to Justify Their Addiction – and Why it is All BS Excuse #1: “I have to drink/use drugs in order to work or continue to be successful.” Oh really? Is that why you…. Perhaps the real truth of the matter is….rn…your career actually suffers due to your addiction, rather than being empowered by your drinking or drug use.r
HOLISTIC HEALTH/BALANCE “Health is wholeness and balance, an inner resilience that allows you to meet the demands of living without being overwhelmed.”rn— Andrew Weil, MD Health is wholeness, and health is multi-faceted. When major areas of health are addressed, balance results. With an MD such as Dr. Weil, physical health is of primary importance. Keys are proper eating, exercise and rest and all in moderation. To co-creatively ensure your physical well being, regular check-ups are a key.
Self respect = Self esteemr Last week I had the opportunity to talk with you a little bit about the meaning of RESPECT. Ultimately, in the addiction world, we have to add SELF into the equation. How important is self respect/self esteem and have I got it?I have had the opportunity to interface with multiple thousands of people who have addiction issues or have been directly impacted by addiction. I have worked individually with hundreds. Let me make a bold statement: “I have never met an active addicted person who has good self esteem (or self respect)”. Chew on that one.
THE IMPORTANCE OF RESPECT in RECOVERY Quotes about respectr When I was asked to do an article on respect, my thoughts immediately flashed to Aretha Franklin’s 1967 theme for the feminist movement- “R.E.S.P.E.C.T”.- which upon examination of the lyrics, tells us that she will do anything in return for respect. Respect is very important to each of us! (I was surprised to learn the song was written and first recorded by a man-Brook Benton in 1965.) That the song was recognized as the “anthem” for major social change emphasizes how important respect is to living an abundant life.r
A NIGHT OF HOPE Every now and again, we can all use a “shot” of hope. Last night was a great one for me. With all the stats that I keep seeing on addiction recovery, the exploits of people like Lindsay Lohan and the “name” athletes and celebs we are bombarded with and the tough times we are going through, it is easy to have feelings of “hope” dimmed. Last night, I had the opportunity to drive down to Toronto and take part is a special evening, one that left me full of hope.r
AN EXPECTATION/PROMISE You have decided to work hard on rebuilding a life that you are happy with. You understand the process ahead of you and realise that it will require commitment and hard work. You have set some goals. It is time to act, but you have normal fear about making big changes. Will others still like me? Will my life become boring?
Want A Useful Life? Well, here I sit well into a new year. Over this period, I love to take time to reflect back, look at jou als that go back many years, and appreciate the journey that has unfolded and what was the underlying motivation to take the journey I continue on. To the headline question, the answer was a definite yes. I did want a useful life, a life with purpose that was not driven by the material.
SPIRITUAL GROWTH (a part of life recovery) An addiction driven bottom as evidenced by the dramatic decay to my closest personal relationships caused me to seek a dramatic change in the way I lived. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and was empty inside. There are questions on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) that helped me to realise I really had a problem. Although my journey started through marriage counselling and an addiction expert, I have found that most of the clients I work with are just like me- OK on the outside; lacking self-love and self-confidence on the inside.
SELF AWARE As I went through life, I lost a sense of who I was; I was not aware of certain behaviour patterns and thought patterns that were occurring in my life. I certainly was aware of the patterns of others that I was in frequent contact with, and as we all know, sometimes the behaviours of those we know well become predictable to us. However, I had lost the ability to predict my own behaviour and at 46, had no idea of who I was. A very sad thing that I think many, if honest, can relate to. As a thought provoker, I offer you an “Idea Engineer” from my coaching mentor, Randin Brons.r
I am a believe that things happen for a reason, and people come in to your life when they should. I have talked in past blogs about my friend Patrick and the great Spiritual River daily blog he does. I look forward to a full collaborative “thing” with him. Who knows where it may ...
THE SECRET ABOUT SECRETS "Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets. ~ Paul Tou ier ~ Paul Tou ier is arguably the world’s most spiritual physician. A Swiss doctor, his practise has impacted people world wide. If a renowned person like Dr. Tou ier appreciates the power of secrets; the huge negative impact they have on out life, why do we so often insist on keeping secrets. The secret about secrets is that they can destroy your happiness and peace of mind. An amusing thing about secrets; often all around you know what you think is the best kept secret in town.
SITTING IN JUDGEMENT No judgmentr Everything in life holds both a blessing and a curse. We deny this when we label the events of our lives as either good or bad. The following old Zen story illustrates this lesson most effectively. A farmer had a horse but one day, the horse ran away and so the farmer and his son had to plow their fields themselves. Their neighbors said, "Oh, what bad luck that your horse ran away!" But the farmer replied, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"
WANT A SHOT OF HOPE? (How’s Your Spiritual Life?) Someone sees that word “spiritual” and the mind says “oh no, more religious crap”. That someone, back then, was me. For those who are familiar with my blogs, you’ll know I like simplicity and often turn to the good book written by Mr. Webster to get definitions I can understand. It puts us all on a level playing field. Today’s word is HOPE. I talk to so many people who tell me their life is lacking in “HOPE” and they want more.r
ASKING FOR HELP We roll into a new week, and I look forward to it! Interesting things happened last week, one in particular that reminded me that I have no control over people in my life, particularly my adult children. While I can’t control them, I am amazed, with all the work I have done on myself, how much their actions can still hurt! But with the help of a power greater than me and a little time we do move on. The space in my head has value, and there’s no point in letting things that don’t pay rent to occupy that space.r
DO YOU THINK THINGS OUT? So, you want to transform your life from where it is today to something much different, something you know inside that life should be for you. If that be the case, do you truly think things out? I am not a follower of any religion but have read many “great” books including the Bible. There is an interesting passage in Romans 12:2 where St. Paul says “They are transformed by the renewing of their minds”. It is the concept of renewal and transformation that really interests me. Want a better life then there are some things that must happen.r
Often in my life I have been guilty of taking the inventory of others! In my journey of recovery, I was asked to take an inventory of myself. That was different. I had found myself at 46 with no idea of who I was or how I became the sad person that I was. As I got into a program of recovery for ...
2011-POSITIVE CHANGES? May you LIVE all the days of your life-Johnathan Swiftr Another new year. Another year entered into with the best of intentions. Ever look back and really measure the changes you planned to make in 2010 and where you sit today? For most, their resolutions are but a fading dream about 2 weeks into a new year. My grandmother drilled it into my head- the road to hell is paved with good intentions.r
And Who Heals Me? Over a year ago, I went on a journey to look at some real fuzzy philosophical questions.
WHERE TO FIND SERENITY I'm sitting here on a rainy Thursday morning, at peace with the world. I was to have played in a golf tou ament this morning, and was quite looking forward to it. In days a decade and a half ago, having the event canceled by rain would have ticked me off and disrupted serenity. So would have many of the other major set backs I have faced over the past fifteen years.
"Character isn't inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains." -- Helen Douglas How do you feel about anger, in yourself and in others? How do you deal with it? Anger is powerful energy. If we are afraid of this energy, we may attempt to deny or hide it.
FISHING POLE-FOOD FOR LIFE Yesterday, I had posted something that asked for input and answers to a couple of specific questions. I am still looking for more input, and thanks to those of you who did respond. I got one great reminder and I have to remember it, and it may be a great reminder for you to. I love to help people. I can be guilty at times of trying to “fix” their surface problem. This depends on the “role” I am playing in the person’s life. The great reminder was a parable.r
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -- Ralph Waldo Emerso R.W. Emerson certainly must have known me in a past life. I spent a four decades trying to be who I thought you wanted me to be, and no one, and ultimately ...
WALK. DON'T RUN Another reading reminded me of the title of one of those great old songs from my past- "Walk. Don’t Run". Who did that one? The Ventures I certainly remember when I finally accepted that my life needed major change, and found the courage to go out and get the help I needed to identify the path to change. I remember hearing from a respected Doctor Psychologist friend that the 12 steps were a great model for good mental hygiene. I was, and I guess instinctively still am, a person who when he wants it, he wants it now.
My parents and family have told me about my first steps. I certainly don’t remember them, but I am told I was an “early” walker. Seems I was early at trying a lot of things-booze, girls, dope, motorcycles, lying, stealing, cheating! I was not early getting into a journey of ...
THINK YOUR TOUGH? Real Tough People Show Feelingsr Alex Karras was a hard nosed football player. In his day, if you looked up “tough” in a dictionary you might have found his picture. Alex on “tough”: It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.rn--Alex Karras In our culture, being a man often means being tough and not showing feelings.
THE FACE in the MIRROR On of the greatest compliments I have ever had from a client is that in our relationship, I was a great mirror for him. The mirror is an inexpensive tool all those seeking improved self esteem have at their disposal. It is a tool I often make a primary one in working with others. Why? Read on from a great article just published in his “Idea Engineer” by my mentor and friend, Dr. Randin Brons. The face in the mirror
Do you have an addiction problem? You’re reading this because you are looking for information about “addictions”. I address this to two groups of people in particular. * The person who thinks s/he has a problem. * The person trying to drink/drug/behave in moderation. Many are here because deep down they think they might have a problem. Guess what? If you think you might have a problem with drugs or alcohol, chances are very high that you do.
SPIRITUALITY-SOME THOUGHTS I work with people who simply put, want to make major change in their life. The reasons vary and may include addiction, abuse, stress, and depression. The common denominator is that the zest for life is not what they want and personal relationships are stressed or gone. Most of my clients do not love themselves. Life transformation and the recovery of the life you want is a process. My experience and learning tells me it is a holistic process and one that requires “outside expertise” to guide the journey.r
I am reminded by fellow coach Phil Evans of the following truth. The most common 'theme' that I introduce to new clients when working in the Life Coaching realm, is the critical importance of being true to oneself! It's just so darned easy to get into doing everything for everybody else, but sadly neglecting that important person in the mirror. Yep, too darned easy to put everybody else first; and eventually something will kick our butts as it tries to alert us of the need to look after that person also known as ME!
Do you own your life? "The meaning of life is to give life meaning." -- Ken Hudgins When we own our lives, we accept what we've inherited and the experiences we hold in our memories. We also claim our right to create new conditions if we're not happy with what's come before. We assume responsibility for changing what does not suit us. We acknowledge our own special talents and skills, and truly comprehend our right to enjoy the journey. In short, we embrace the meaning and purpose, the mystery and the beauty of our lives. Do you feel that you own your life at the moment?
KNOW YOUR DREAM You've got to create a dream. You've got to uphold the dream. If you can't, go back to the factory or go back to the desk.rn--Eric Burdonr Way back when, back when I made a decision to go into the “people helping” business as a profession, I had a dream. I formulated the dream through guided study and guided reflection. The first ad I put together for my new business revolved around the “Create a dream” theory and then making it happen.r
AN APPROACH TO TODAY Once again, along comes my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons with another Idea Engineer.
Self Esteem Continuedr To me, self esteem is the most important possession a human being can have. We were born innocent, and the lowering of self esteem occurred through life experiences and over time. They key point, we were born with self esteem and it still exists within all of us, but with many, it is driven deep into the subconscious and must be “relocated”. Please read a quote from an “Idea Engineer” piece written by my friend and mentor Dr. Randin Brons:r
Life Out of Whack? H.A.L.T. Today is February 9, 2011 and it is mental health awareness day in Canada. A reminder to all, 20% of the total population suffers from a “mental health” issue in their life. Be aware of it, and if you are in that 20%, have the courage to seek help. There are no negatives attached to issues IF you deal with them!r
-we all need it So far, it’s been a really interesting day. Things are now quiet, and I am reflecting on a few things that have happened lately. In response to one of my jou als, I got some very constructive feed back on content and approach, and some constructive feedback on my web site ...
PEOPLE PLEASIN’ TIME OF THE YEAR I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.--Bill Cosby I am so blessed to have the space I do to work in. Today my view through my windows is of crisp white snow and snow clinging to mature cedars at the back of our property. The view reflects the positive state I’m in a majority of the time, and I am ete ally grateful for the changes in my life that allow me to see the beauty all around me.r
-to keep what is given, you must be of service to others Funny, I wrote a blog for today earlier, and for some reason, lost it within my computer! We are nearing the finish line in this review of the steps/footprints, and today I look at “the ask” that we carry the message. Before I ...
IS ADDICTION A DISEASE? I certainly have my own thoughts on this question. Understanding the “disease” nature of addiction, because it gave me peace of mind, saved my life. Trust me; I’m not trying to be dramatic. From being free of active addiction for over 16 years, I know that the disease can be kept in remission. It took action on my part to get to the place where things are in remission. I belong to several professional “discussion groups” and offer you the following from one of them:r
HOLISTIC? /SPIRITUAL? WHOA I love to think that the huge positive changes in my life over the past 16 years or so have been holistic and as part of this, there has been a “spiritual awakening” (like brought out of a spiritual coma) as a part of what has happened. Let’s go to Webster’s for a couple of accepted definitions. Holistic: treatment of the whole organism; not just the symptoms of a disease. Spiritual: relating to or conce ed with the soul or spirit (opp; TEMPORAL)
LIFE ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND I’m generally not a computer pack rat, and tend to keep my inbox, sent and so on with little stuff in them. That being said, every now and again I hold on to something which I’ve read and intuitively know it is going to be very real on an upcoming day. Below is something I received back in very early September. I was aware that it was there, and in talking with a couple of clients today, it reminded me to look back and share.r
MORE-THAT FIRST STEP (forgiveness) As usual, my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons has hit a very good topic with this week's Idea Engineer. Recently I did a blog on that first step that sparked very good response. Response indicates that it caused some thought, and I love to do that internally and spark it in others. Randin talks about a first step to forgiveness, and his words are in keeping with I try to live and coach others in.
THE POWER OF ACCEPTANCE As each new year begins, I love to go through and meditate on the 12 steps. As I constantly tell others, while the 12 steps in the familiar format people look at today come from AA, there is no better model for any human being to follow for good mental hygiene. Want a better life tomorrow than you have today, start a journey using the 12 steps as your map! My mentor Dr. Randin Brons just published the following thoughts in his Idea Engineer, and lo and behold they go right to the first step’s theme. ACCEPTANCE. He wrote: The power of acceptancer
APPLES and TREES We often hear that the apple does not fall far from the tree. Did that ever come home to roost this week. I received a phone call from my adult son late yesterday afte oon. In this economy, he has gone through a rough patch with employment even with an MBA and Chef certification. We live in different towns, so do not see each other frequently, but generally talk often. Over the past couple of months phone calls had been further between, and I know our son has allot of pride and does not like to ask Dad and Mom, or anyone for that matter, for help.
For a number of years, I have been told resentments will tear me apart if I don’t deal with them. I was told, and it remains true today, that resentments are like a tenant in an apartment building who occupy space but pay no rent. The space in my head is at a premium, and I need it to be ...
SIMPLE SHARE on WHY Why did I feel it necessary to get "help" and get a coach? My simple story. In 1994 I hit a wall. I was "sick and tired of being sick and tired" emotionally. While my self-employment was earning me a good living, many things around me were going unglued and I was turning far more frequently to mood altering substances and behaviours to "escape". I did not really like who I saw in the mirror and felt a soul pain inside.
DOES IT STILL PLAY FORWARD? The biggest limiting factor in many lives today is the past, plain and simple. In the “co-creative process of life recovery” that I deeply believe in, a huge part of the coached journey is taking a very hard and detailed look at the past and fully getting things that are buried within exte alized. In my journey, I found for me, the biggest limitations that were preventing me from having the abundant life I deserved were limitations that were ingrained in me when I was young.r