Loading the searchable article library…
Browse published articles attributed to Margaret Paul, with full-archive search.
________________________________________ Do you get stuck not knowing what to say or do when your partner treats you disrespectfully? ________________________________________ Louise asked me:
________________________________________ Discover what you can do to give your relationship a chance. ________________________________________ Lauren asks:
By Margaret Paul, PhDr February 13, 2017 Discover the great benefits to your relationship in learning to love yourself! What creates sexual passion? • First, there needs to be sexual chemistry between two people. Sexual chemistry can sustain passion for a while, but it isn't enough in a long-term relationship. • For sexual passion to continue, partners need to feel emotionally connected with each other. What creates emotional connection? • In order to connect with a partner in a committed relationship, you need to first be connected with yourself.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. September 19, 2016 Which part of you – your ego wounded self or your loving adult – is in charge of your decision making process? Which part of you makes your day-to-day decisions, as well as your major decisions - your wounded self or your loving adult? Which part of you makes the decision to move back into a relationship with someone who has consistently backed out whenever the subject of marriage comes up?
By Margaret Paul, PhDr January 10, 2017 How often in your life have you felt that magical feeling of deeply connecting with another? Learn how loving yourself leads to having much more of this in your life. As humans, we are hard-wired to want to connect with each other. Until 10,000 years ago, all people lived in tribes where families stayed together through the generations, and tribes stayed together, deeply connected with each other and with the planet.
Robyn and Dennis, together for three years but not married, consulted with me because they couldn’t seem to connect with each other. They loved each other but Dennis felt that Robyn had a wall up that stopped them from getting close. When Dennis stated that he experienced Robyn having a wall up and he wanted to understand why, her response was that they both had a wall up. Dennis said he felt open to Robyn and really wanted to connect with her and that he wasn’t aware of a wall.
By Margaret Paul, PhDr December 19, 2016 ________________________________________ Do the holidays and other family events or gatherings stress you out? Discover what might be the underlying cause of this stress and what to do about it. ________________________________________ "OMG, I've got so much to do! How am I going to get all this done?" one of my clients said to me. "What happens if you don't get it all done?" I asked. "People will be upset with me." "So are you stressing yourself out in order to meet others' expectations of you, instead of loving yourself?"
Do you sometimes feel trapped with some who wants to be listened to but doesn't want to listen to you? ________________________________________ One of the common complaints I hear from my clients is that they listen well but they end up just listening and never being heard. This is the issue that Ginger wrote to me about.
Do you sometimes look back and feel as if you have wasted your life caretaking others or trying to get others to take care of you?
By Margaret Paul, PhDr December 13, 2016 Loneliness has much information for us when we open to it rather than judge it or avoid it with various addictions. One of the saddest and most dysfunctional aspects of our current culture is that it fosters loneliness. It's not hard to imagine that when most people lived in tribes or small villages, loneliness was not the epidemic that it currently is.
In her phone session with me, Katy was completely perplexed about her jealousy. "As you know, I broke up with my boyfriend, Jared, 6 months ago. By the time I broke up with him, I was really done with the relationship, and I have no desire to be with him. But last week I found out that he has a girlfriend and I feel jealous! I can't figure this out. It makes no sense to me at all." I asked Katy to open to learning with the jealous part of her - an aspect of her wounded self. The Need To Feel Special Katy's 12-year-old wounded self quickly started to talk.
There are a lot of us that spend too much time worrying. According to The National Institute on Mental Health, approximately 40 million American adults ages 18 and older, or about 18.1 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety prevents us from being happy, can cause physical ailments, and keeps us from taking healthy risks that may improve the quality of our lives.nnWorry may be a trait that is passed on genetically from your famil
Do you have the common false belief that the better you feel about yourself, the more alone you will be? Yolanda asks:
Are you limiting yourself to knowledge gained exte ally? Try using your imagination and opening to the limitless information available from the universe! "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand."rn--Albert Einstein
By Dr. Margaret Paulr June 27, 2016 Our emotions are an accurate indication of when we are in truth and when we are lying to ourselves. Believe it or not, one of the great gifts we were born with is our emotions. Our emotions infallibly let us know when we are operating from the truth and when we are telling ourselves lies. When we are in truth, we feel clear, connected, happy, peaceful, powerful and joyful. When we are lying to ourselves – operating from our false beliefs - we feel anxious, tense, depressed, scared, powerless, angry, empty, hopeless, alone and abandoned.
________________________________________ There is no time like right now to get clear on what you want to manifest in the coming year. ________________________________________ What do you want in the coming year? One of the things I've done for many years is to write down what I want for the next year. Of course, I don't always get what I want, but often I do. I think it's because knowing what I want helps me to focus on taking the loving actions that will take me there.
Are you happy with who you are attracting into your life? "Everybody is like a magnet. You attract to yourself reflections of that which you are." Dr. David Hawkins, Psychiatrist, Physician and Researcher, author of Power vs. Force
________________________________________ How often do you feel one-up or one-down in comparison to others? ________________________________________ When you were growing up, did your parents compare you to others? Were you compared to siblings or other family members? Did your parents compare you to your friends or classmates? Did you have teachers who compared you to other students? Did you have friends who compared you to other friends? Most of us grew up being compared to others, which creates a sense of being one-up or one-down – neither of which is healthy.
Are you lonely? Do you believe you just need to learn to live with this? Recent research on loneliness indicates that almost half of Americans experience themselves as lonely, and, surprising, more young people are lonely than the elderly. (https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/05/01/606588504/americans-are-a-lonely-lot-and-young-people-bear-the-heaviest-burden)
Your spiritual guidance is always here for you, but you need to know how to access it. Connecting with Spirit is simple, but not always easy. ________________________________________ What if you knew that you are never alone - that you are always being guided by a personal source of spiritual guidance? If you knew and experienced this, you would undoubtedly feel safe and peaceful most of the time.
How are you limiting yourself to limit your partner? What are the consequences of this? "As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might." ~Marian Anderson 1902-1993, Concert and Opera Singer "I've always wanted to take flying lessons," Ginnie told me in our phone session.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. ________________________________________ The disturbing lack of a personal spiritual connection that many experience has huge ramifications for our planet. ________________________________________
The next 'Love Yourself' Course starts February 21, 2018. Are you ready to learn how to love yourself? Love Yourself: A 30-Day Home-Study Inner Bonding Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul, to self-heal anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, addictions and relationships. "I feel like I have finally found what I have been searching for, for decades....I believe this is equivalent to spending decades in traditional therapy." ~ Marge Skinnerr
Discover some of the underlying causes of racism and what is necessary to heal this scourge of our society. I do not pretend to be an expert on what causes a person to be a racist, but I would like to explore some ideas based on the principles of Inner Bonding.
Do you make excuses for others’ uncaring and disrespectful behavior toward you to avoid losing them? I grew up with two parents who constantly lacked caring for my feelings and frequently treated me with deep disrespect. Looking back, I know that neither of them had any idea of how to compassionately manage their own feelings, so they were completely incapable of being compassionate with mine. In fact, they seemed to lack the ability to feel and show compassion. For a highly sensitive child, this was very painful.
I am outraged. It’s now well known that big pharma pays off doctors regarding the safety of drugs, including opioids, which is causing the high death toll from these drugs. It’s not as well known that the SSRI antidepressant drugs are also partly responsible for the mass shootings. Every mass shooter has been on one of these drugs, which have been shown to cause violence.
Evil has always been with us. It’s important to understand what it is and what each of us can do to counter it. Evil We are beings of free will, so we get to choose, moment-by-moment, who we want to be. We sometimes choose to put our ego wounded self in charge and act in unloving ways toward ourselves and others, but this doesn’t make us bad or evil. What Then, Is Evil?
How would our country change if politicians had to learn to love themselves and others before taking office? What if politicians had to be mentally evaluated before running for office? How many of them would pass as being emotionally stable and healthy? What difference might it make for our country if all politicians had to work through a program like SelfQuest before taking office?
The next 'Love Yourself' Course starts August 7th, 2019. Are you ready to learn how to love yourself? Love Yourself: A 30-Day Home-Study Inner Bonding Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul, to self-heal anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, addictions and relationships.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. September 12, 2016 Emotional intimacy is essential for sustaining love in a committed relationship. Discover how to create and nourish this deep connection. Loving coupleThink back to times you felt 'in love.' Aside from chemistry, what was it that drew you to the other person? Usually, my clients say things like: "We talked for hours on our first date." "We felt an immediate connection with each other, like we've always known each other." "At the beginning of our relationship, we could talk about everything."
Does the fear of making a mistake immobilize you when you need to make a decision?
Discover why any kind of engaging when someone is angry is a waste of energy. "Rage can…shut off the hippocampus [linked to memory], and people with out-of-control anger may not be lying when they say they don't recall what they said or did in that altered state of mind." Mindsight, P.155 Daniel Siegel, M.D.
A 30-Day At-Home Courser The next course will start on April 3rd, 2019 https://innerbonding.com/video/mp4/Beloved-Landing-page.mp4 This course is offered twice a year. Are you ready to find the love of your life? Attracting your Beloved: A 30-Day Home-Study Experience With Dr. Margaret Paul - To Learn How to Attract the Love of your Life!
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. July 18, 2016 If your relationships are challenging, you might want to gain awareness and understanding of the taker-caretaker relationship system. As we all know, relationships are generally very challenging, and one of the reasons is that we bring into our Taker or Caretakeradult relationships all the controlling behavior we learned as we were growing up. And we all did learn many overt and subtle ways to control!
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Hugs can be romantic or disconnecting, depending on your intent in hugging. Has the romance gone out of your relationship? Has work and/or parenthood left you no time for romance, connection and intimacy? A major challenge for parents, especially new parents, is finding the time to be together in ways that foster romance in their relationship. A question that a reader recently asked me is: "Is it the quality of time versus the quantity of time that is significant in 'we-time'?"
Next course - January 9, 2019 This course is offered only once a year Are you ready to experience that you are never alone and to manifest your dreams? A 30-Day Home-Study Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul - to Connect With or Deepen Your Connection With Your Spiritual Guidance and Learn The Art of Manifestation "This has been absolutely life changing. Probably the most important personal growth work I’ve done in 30 years of study! I am deeply grateful!" ~ Annette
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. July 04, 2016 Are you giving love to your partner or others for the joy of giving, or are you giving to get love, attention or approval? I received the following email, asking for my help:
Discover what makes you feel worthy and lovable and what false beliefs might be in the way of taking this loving action. Take a moment to think about this: What do you believe makes you feel worthy and lovable? Do you believe you are worthy when you receive others’ approval? Do you believe that you will feel worthy when you lose weight or look a certain way? Do you believe you will feel worthy when you make a certain amount of money, or have a certain amount of money in the bank, or when you have the house or car or boat you've always wanted?
Discover that stress is NOT being caused primarily by people or situations, but by your own thoughts and actions. We tend to think of stress as something that occurs because of outside events, such as having financial problems, relationship problems, health problems, or from having too much to do. Certainly events such as these are challenging, but they are not the actual cause of stressful feelings. Stress Is An Important Message
How often have you shared your feelings and the other person became angry and defensive? How often have you heard that it's good to "share your feelings"? How often have you shared your feelings and it backfired on you? Perhaps you find yourself saying "But I'm just sharing my feelings!"
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. ________________________________________ Do you often see people as you want them to be rather than as they are? Has this caused you problems in your relationships? ________________________________________ “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” —Anais Nin A variation on the above quote might be, "We don't see people as they are - we see them as we want them to be."
Discover when compromise is healthy and when it's self-abandoning. Compromise! What does this word conjure up for you? Is it is a positive or negative word for you? Does it bring up a sense of loving resolution, or a sense of losing yourself and losing your integrity? When you think about compromising, what are you compromising? Are you compromising with a partner you love out of caring for yourself and your partner, or are you compromising yourself to control how your partner feels about you or reacts?
Do you think you should be farther along in your healing than you are? Do you get discouraged when dealing with the same issues over and over? You’re not alone! "How long will it take me to heal?" "I've been practicing Inner Bonding for 6 months now and I still get stuck in my wounded self. What am I doing wrong?" "I'm not sure I’m doing this process right. I keep doing the same self-destructive things over and over, even though I'm dialoguing every day." Does this sound like you?
"Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone." - Pablo Picasso Do you struggle with: -Procrastination -Clutter -Overwhelm -Disorganization -Being late -Guilt over not getting things done or not following through with commitments -Anxiety over things like taxes and bills being late -While some personality types have an easier time being organized than others, everyone has the capacity to learn to be organized and get important things done. Why, then, do so many people have a problem with it? It has to do with your intent.
Following these ‘directions’ from my guidance can bring you much peace, joy and manifestation of your dreams! One of the things I’ve learned to do is follow the directions my guidance gives to me. This has led me to have an amazing life that I love. But since I know that there is always more to learn, I’m always asking my guidance to tell me what else she wants me to focus on. Awhile ago, she gave me three instructions that I want to share with you, because over time they have brought me deep and sustained joy and bliss! Let go of all Background Negativity
The next 'Love Yourself' Course starts February 21, 2018. Are you ready to learn how to love yourself? Love Yourself: A 30-Day Home-Study Inner Bonding Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul, to self-heal anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, addictions and relationships. "I feel like I have finally found what I have been searching for, for decades....I believe this is equivalent to spending decades in traditional therapy." ~ Marge Skinner
Deciding that you WANT responsibility for yourself and your feelings is one of the biggest changes you can make in your life. Miles was stuck. His financial situation was scary and there was constant conflict with his wife and two children. He was in deep despair and he felt angry and very much a victim of life. "Miles," I asked, "Do you WANT to take responsibility for being the one causing all of this? Do you want responsibility for causing your despair?" "Of course," he said.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Do you speak up for your inner child – your feeling self – when someone is judgmental toward you, or they are blaming you or discounting you? What do you generally do when you are in an interaction with someone and you are feeling anxious, scared or lonely from the interaction?
Think for a moment about the last time you got angry with someone. At that moment, what was most important to you - getting what you wanted or being caring? Obviously, at the moment that you get really angry at someone, it is more important to you to get what you want than it is to be caring. Why is this? What is happening on the inner level that leads you to be more interested in what you get from the other person than in being a caring person? Jake’s Anger Problem
Do you find yourself procrastinating when you have hard or boring stuff to do? Do you then judge yourself for procrastinating? There is a way out of this! What do you do when you have stuff to do that is hard for you, or stuff that may be really boring to you - like studying for an exam, doing your taxes, creating and sending in a resume, getting rid of clutter, and so on. How often do you put it off, procrastinating because it seems too hard or too boring?